•NRLF 


B    3    BEE    MMfl 


BEAU  BRUMMEL 


NOTE 

THE   idea   of  this    Play    was    Richard 
Mansfield's,  and  the  author  gratefully 
acknowledges  his  debt  to  the  actor  for 
innumerable  suggestions. 


<*   THE 

UNIVERSITY 

OF 


BEAU 
BRUMMEL 

A  Play  in  Four  Acts 

Written  for 

RICHARD    MANSFIELD 

By 

CLYDE    FITCH 


New  York 

JOHN   LANE   COMPANY 
MCMVIII 


OF  THg 

UNIVERSITY 


OF 


COPYRIGHT  1908  BY 

JOHN   LANE   COMPANY 

ALL    RIGHTS    RESERVED 


This  play  is  fully  protected  by  the  copyright  law,  all  requirements  of 
which  have  been  complied  with.  In  its  present  printed  form  it  is  dedicated 
to  the  reading  public  only,  and  no  performance  of  it  may  be  given  with 
out  the  written  permission  of  Mrs.  Richard  Mansfield,  owner  of  the 
acting  rights,  who  may  be  addressed  in  care  of  the  publisher. 

The  subjoined  is  an  extract  from  the  law  relating  to  copyright. 

SEC.  4966.  Any  person  publicly  performing  or  representing  any 
dramatic  or  musical  composition  for  which  a  copyright  has  been  obtained, 
without  the  consent  of  the  proprietor  of  said  dramatic  or  musical  compo 
sition,  or  his  heirs  or  assigns,  shall  be  liable  for  damages  therefor,  such 
damages  in  all  cases  to  be  assessed  at  such  sum  not  less  than  $100.00  for 
the  first  and  $50.00  for  every  subsequent  performance,  as  to  the  court 
shall  appear  to  be  just. 

If  the  unlawful  performance  and  representation  be  wilful  and  for 
profit,  such  person  or  persons  shall  be  guilty  of  a  misdemeanor  and  upon 
conviction  be  imprisoned  for  a  period  not  exceeding  one  year. 


The    PERSONS    of  the    PLAY 


The   Prince   of  Wales  (Heir  apparent  to  the  throne  of 

England) 

Beau  Brummel  (Prince  of  dandies) 
Richard  Brinsley  Sheridan  (Playwright) 
Reginald  Courtenay  (Nephew  to  the  Beau) 
Mortimer  (Valet  and  confidential  servant  to  the  Beau) 
Mr.  Oliver  Vincent  (A  self-made   merchant,   father  of 

Mariana) 

Lord  Manly  (A  fop) 
Mr.  Abrahams  (A  money  lender) 
Bailiffs 

Prince's  Footman 
Simpson  (Footman  to  Beau) 
The  Duchess  of  Leamington  (Middle-aged,  but  very  anxious 

to  appear  young) 
Mariana  Vincent  (Young  and  beautiful,  beloved  by  Beau 

and  Reginald) 
Mrs.  St.  Aubyn  (Passee  but  still  beautiful — very  anxious 

to  captivate  the  Prince  but  unwilling  to  resign  the 

Beau) 

Kathleen  (Irish  maid  of  Mariana) 
Lady  Farthingale  (Pretty — insipid) 
A  French  Lodging-house  Keeper 
A  Nurse 


The  FIRST  ACT 

FIRST  SCENE — The  morning  toilet.  Mr.  Brummel 
despatches  a  proposal  of  marriage,  assists  his 
nephew,  and  sends  for  a  new  tailor. 

SECOND  SCENE — The  Beau  receives  a  number  of 
friends  and  makes  an  unfortunate  blunder. 


The  SECOND  ACT 

A  small  and  early  party  at  Carlton  House. 
Mr.  Brummel  proposes  to  an  heiress  and  repri 
mands  a  Prince. 


The  THIRD  ACT 

The  Mall  and  how  it  came  about  that  Mr. 
Brummel  had  a  previous  engagement  with  His 
Majesty. 


The  FOURTH  ACT 

FIRST   SCENE  (six   months   later) — Mr.   Brummel's 
lodgings  in  Calais. 

SECOND  SCENE — The  attic  at  Caen.     A  very  poor 
dinner  with  an  excellent  dessert. 


THIS  play  was  first  produced  at  the  Madison 
Square  Theatre  by    Richard  Mansfield,    on 
May  //,  1890.      The  2$oth  representation 
took  place    at    the    Garden    Theatre,    on    January 
30,  1891. 


The  CAST  on  this  OCCASION  was 


Beau  Brummel  .... 
The  Prince  of  Wales  .  . 
Richard  Brinsley  Sheridan  . 

Lord  Manly 

Reginald  Courtenay   . 

Mortimer 

Mr.  Abrahams      . 

Simpson 

Bailiffs 

Prince's  Footman 
Mr.  Oliver  Vincent    . 
Mariana  Vincent 

Kathleen 

The  Duchess  of  Leamington  . 
Lady  Farthingale  .... 
French  Lodging-house  Keeper 

Nurse 

Mrs.  St.  Aubyn 


MR.  RICHARD  MANSFIELD 
MR.  D.  H.  HARKINS 
MR.  A.  G.  ANDREWS 
MR.  H.  G.  LONSDALE 
MR.  VINCENT  STERNROYD 
MR.  W.  J.  FERGUSON 
MR.  HARRY  GWYNETTE 
MR.  SMILES 

MR.  GWYNETTE  and  MR. 
IVAN  PERONETTE 

MR.  F.  F.  GRAHAM 
MR.  W.  H.  CROMPTON 
Miss  BEATRICE  CAMERON 
Miss  ETHEL  SPRAGUE 
MRS.  JULIA  BRUTONE 
Miss  HELEN  GLIDDEN 
Miss  HAZEL  SELDEN 
Miss  GENEVRA  CAMPBELL 
Miss  ADELA  MEASOR 


THE  FIRST  ACT 


SCENE  ONE 


OF  THE  \ 

4IVER6ITY    I 


BEAU  BRUMMEL 

THE  FIRST  ACT 

SCENE    ONE 

The  scene  represents  the  BEAU'S  dressing-room.  A  cheerful 
room  furnished  more  like  a  lady's  boudoir  than  a  man's 
dressing-room.  A  handsome  dressing-table  covered  with 
a  bewildering  array  of  silver-topped  bottles  stands  at  the 
left.  A  large  cheval  glass  stands  in  front  of  a  bay  window 
opening  out  on  a  balcony.  The  curtains  are  open.  The 
door  at  the  back  leads  into  the  BEAU'S  bedroom.  A  table 
stands  at  one  side  with  books  and  papers  in  precise 
order.  A  door  at  the  left-hand  side  leads  into  an  ante 
room  where  visitors  are  detained  until  the  great  man 
wishes  to  see  them. 

MORTIMER,  the  BEAU'S  valet  and  really  confidential  servant, 

is  discovered  sitting  on  sofa,  head  back,  face  covered  with 

handkerchief;  has  evidently  been  asleep.  It  is  about  noon. 

[MORTIMER  removes  handkerchief,  yawns  and 

speaks.] 

MORTIMER. 

Up  till  four  this  morning!    It  was  pretty  lively  at  the 
club  last  night,  but  I  have  lost  all  my  beauty  sleep  to  pay 


BEAU  BRUMMEL 

for  it.  I  don't  know  how  much  longer  we  will  be  able  to 
continue  this  style  of  living.  Our  nerves  will  give  out  if 
our  credit  doesn't.  Mr.  Brummel  only  turned  over  twice 
and  then  took  to  his  chocolate.  That  means  he  will  only 
be  half  an  hour  at  his  bath — time  for  a  nap. 

[Replaces  handkerchief.] 
[Enter  SIMPSON  through  door  from  anteroom. 
SIMPSON  is  the    regulation  footman,   with 
powdered  hair  and  livery.] 

SIMPSON. 

[At  Left.]  Mr.  Mortimer,  sir,  Mr.  Abrahams  has 
just  called.  He  particularly  wishes  to  see  you,  sir. 

[Going  toward  MORTIMER.] 
MORTIMER. 

[Starting  and  removing  handkerchief.]  Hang  Abrahams, 
what's  he  after?  Dear  me!  It  can't  be  that  he  thinks  of 
collecting  those  I.  O.  U.'s  of  mine.  [Rising.] 

SIMPSON. 

[Who  has  a  great  respect  for  MORTIMER.] 
[Very  deferentially.]  Been  losing  again,  sir? 

MORTIMER. 

[Loftily.]  Yes,  Simpson,  pretty  high  stakes  last  night, 
and  one  must  play,  you  know. 

SIMPSON. 

Mr.  Mortimer,  sir,  you  couldn't  propose  me  in  your 
club,  could  you,  sir? 

MORTIMER. 

[Haughtily  and  then  more  kindly  as  he  sees  SIMPSON'S 
downcast  face.]  No,  Simpson,  not  in  your  present  position, 
you  know,  but  if  you  should  ever  raise  yourself,  depend 
upon  me  to  use  all  my  influence  for  you. 

SIMPSON. 

[Gratefully.]  Oh,  thank  you,  sir,  I'm  sure,  [going]  but 
what  about  Mr.  Abrahams,  sir  ? 

[12] 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

V 

MORTIMER. 

[Seating  himself.]   Oh,  damn  Abrahams ! 

[Enter  ABRAHAMS  from  anteroom,  hat  and  cane 
in  hand.  ABRAHAMS  is  the  typical  Jew 
money  lender  oj  the  period,  exaggerated  in 
dress  and  manner.] 

ABRAHAMS. 

[As  ABRAHAMS  enters,  SIMPSON  crosses  back  of  table  and 
exits,  giving  ABRAHAMS  a  look  of  haughty  disdain.]  No 
you  don't,  Mr.  Mortimer;  no,  you  don't,  not  yet.  Where's 
your  master  ? 

MORTIMER. 

Excuse  me,  where's  my  gentleman,  you  mean,  Mr. 
Abrahams.  [Rising.]  I  am  a  gentleman's  gentleman;  I 
have  no  master. 

ABRAHAMS. 

[At  left  center.]  Oh,  you  haven't  a  master,  haven't  you  ? 
Well,  now,  suppose  I  was  to  come  down  on  you  with  some 
of  your  little  I.  O.  U.'s,  I  wonder  then  if  you'd  have  a 
master.  Where's  Mr.  Brummel? 

MORTIMER. 
Mr.  Brummel  has  not  yet  appeared. 

ABRAHAMS. 

[Sitting  down  as  if  to  wait.]  Inform  him  that  Mr. 
Abrahams  wishes  to  see  him. 

MORTIMER. 
[Shocked.]  I  repeat,  sir,  he  is  not  up. 

ABRAHAMS. 

Well,  then,  my  good  fellow,  it's  time  he  were  up.  Tell 
him  I  said  so. 

MORTIMER. 

It  is  as  much  as  my  position  is  worth,  sir,  to  go  to  him 
at  this  hour.  You  must  call  again,  Mr.  Abrahams. 

[13] 


BEAU  BRUMMEL 

ABRAHAMS. 

[Rising.]  Call  again !  Call  again !  This  is  the  seventh 
time  I've  called  again. 

MORTIMER. 

[Trying  now  to  placate  him.]  Yes — eh — if  you  please, 
Mr.  Abrahams. 

ABRAHAMS. 

No,  sir;  I  must  see  him  now.  I'm  in  need  of  money  my 
self  and  I  must  get  it  from  Mr.  Brummel.  My  creditors 
are  pressing  me  and  they  force  me  to  do  the  same.  [Loudly.] 
I  regret  the  necessity,  but  I  am  determined  upon  seeing 
him. 

MORTIMER. 

[Who  is  so  shocked  he  can  hardly  speak.]  Not  so  loud, 
Mr.  Abrahams,  not  so  loud.  If  Mr.  Brummel  were  to 
hear  you,  he'd  be  distressed.  Besides,  he  never  tolerates 
any  one  who  raises  his  voice  unnecessarily.  If  he  should 
hear  you,  you  might  never  be  paid. 

ABRAHAMS. 
[Aghast  at  the  thought.]   What !   [Loudly.] 

MORTIMER 
[Plands  raised  in  horror.]  Sh !  Sh ! 

ABRAHAMS. 
What!   [Whispering  in  MORTIMER'S  ear.] 

MORTIMER. 

[Looking  at  ABRAHAMS  out  of  the  corner  of  his  eye.]  Upon 
my  honor,  Mr.  Brummel  was  saying  only  yesterday  he 
thought  he  would  pay  Mr.  Abrahams. 

ABRAHAMS. 
[A  little  more  calmly.]  Then  why  hasn't  he  done  so  ? 

MORTIMER. 

Mr.  Brummel  only  said  it  yesterday  and  Mr.  Brummel 
never  does  anything  in  a  hurry. 


BEAU  BRUMMEL 

ABRAHAMS. 

Is  four  years  a  hurry  ?  Well,  this  is  the  last  time  that  I 
will  be  put  off.  Do  you  follow  me — the  last  time.  And  now, 
when  am  I  to  have  your  little  sums  ? 

MORTIMER. 

[Taking  out  handkerchief  and  wiping  eyes.]  Mine !  Oh, 
I  have  a  wealthy  aunt,  who  is  now  dying  in  Clapham,  Mr. 
Abrahams,  and  I  am  her  sole  heir.  I  fear  I  must  beg  you 
to  wait  until  after  her  funeral. 

ABRAHAMS. 

[At  left  center.  Really  puzzled.]  It  is  very  strange,  a  very 
large  number  of  my  clients  have  wealthy  aunts  who  are 
dying,  but  they  don't  die.  They  all  appear  to  be  affected 
with  a  most  lingering  sickness.  However,  Mr.  Brummel 
has  no  such  relative,  and  I  believe,  on  consideration,  that 
I  will  wait  for  him  this  morning.  [Sits  in  chair  by  table.] 

MORTIMER. 

[Who  is  now  determined  to  get  rid  of  him,  crossing  to 
ABRAHAMS.]  No,  really,  Mr.  Abrahams,  you  must  go. 
Mr.  Brummel  would  not  see  you  until  his  toilet  is  com 
pleted;  and,  indeed,  if  he  would,  he  could  transact  no 
business  in  deshabille. 

ABRAHAMS. 

In  what?  [Jumps  up.]  Oh,  very  well,  very  well;  but 
advise  him  this  is  the  last  time  I  will  be  dismissed  without 
seeing  him.  The  next  time  I  call  I  will  see  him  whether  he 
is  in  desh — desh — or  nothing.  I  will  have  my  money.  I 
will  have  my  money. 

[All  the  while  he  is  saying  this  MORTIMER  is 
pushing  him  gently  off  through  the  anteroom. 
MORTIMER  ushers  ABRAHAMS  off  at  the  left, 
then  crosses  to  the  right  center,  and  turns 
away  with  a  sigh  of  relief  as  SIMPSON  enters 
very  hurriedly.] 

[15] 


BEAU  BRUMMEL 

SIMPSON. 

Mr.  Mortimer,  sir,  there  are  a  number  of  people 
waiting  with  their  accounts  to  see  Mr.  Brummel.  What 
shall  I  say,  sir  ? 

MORTIMER. 

[Resignedly.]  Get  a  list  of  their  names,  Simpson,  and 
tell  them  I'll  call  around  and  see  them  to-day. 

SIMPSON. 
Very  well,  sir. 

[Exit  SIMPSON  through  anteroom.   A  murmur 
of  voices  is  heard  there.] 

MORTIMER. 

Affairs  are  very  shaky.  It  was  only  three  days  since 
Abrahams  called.  According  to  this  he  will  return  again 
to-morrow.  [Sits  in  chair  in  front  of  dressing-case,  makes 
himself  comfortable  and  is  about  to  fall  asleep  when  KATH 
LEEN  appears  at  door  and  peeps  in.] 

KATHLEEN. 
[In  door  at  left.     Is  Mariana's  Irish  maid, 

very  pretty  and  piquant.] 
Pst!  Pst! 

[MORTIMER  starts  and  listens,  then  composes 
himself  for  another  nap.] 

KATHLEEN. 
Pst!  Pst! 

MORTIMER. 

[Still  seated.]  I  did  drink  pretty  heavily  last  night,  but 
I  hardly  thought  it  affected  me. 

KATHLEEN. 
Hello! 

MORTIMER. 
[Rising.]  Who  is  it?  What  is  it? 

[16] 


BEAU  BRUMMEL 

KATHLEEN. 

[Still  in  door.  With  pretty  impatience.]  Is  it  all  right, 
can  I  come  in  ? 

MORTIMER. 

[Laughingly.]  Look  here,  Kathleen,  are  you  going  to 
indulge  in  that  sort  of  thing  when  we  are  married  ? 

KATHLEEN. 
Can  I  come  in  ?  [Comes  in  a  jew  steps.] 

MORTIMER. 

[Crossing  to  center.]  Yes,  it's  all  right  now.  Mr.  Brum- 
mel  is  finishing  the  first  part  of  his  toilet;  he  won't  be  out 
for  some  time  yet.  Well,  what  do  you  want,  you  little 
minx  ?  [Chucks  her  under  chin.] 

KATHLEEN. 

[Tossing  her  head]  Minx,  indeed !  [Crossing  to  right.] 
I  dropped  in  to  find  out  what's  your  intentions.  Mr.  Sheri 
dan's  gentleman  has  become  very  pressing,  in  his,  and 
won't  be  held  off  much  longer.  Now,  is  it  marriage  with 
you,  Mr.  Mortimer,  or  is  it  a  breaking  off,  Mr.  Mortimer? 
Am  I  to  be  worn  in  your  coat  like  a  flower  and  thrown 
aside  when  I'm  withered,  or  am  I  to  be  pressed  in 
the  album  of  your  affections,  Mr.  Mortimer?  I  own 
there  is  an  air  about  Mr.  Brummel  and  I  should  not  be 
averse  to  a  connection  with  the  family.  [Quite  seriously.] 

MORTIMER. 

[Just  as  seriously.]  And  I  mean  you  shall  have  it, 
Kathleen,  for  you  would  become  our  position.  But  the 
fact  is,  I  can't  afford  to  marry  while  Mr.  Brummel's 
money  matters  are  so  bad.  I  tell  you  his  social  position  is 
like  a  halo,  it  is  glory  all  round  him,  but  there's  a  hollow 
in  the  middle. 

KATHLEEN. 

[With  a  sudden  thought.]  Mr.  Mortimer !  We  must  marry 
Mr.  Brummel !  First,  we  must  procure  a  list  of  the  heiresses. 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

MORTIMER. 

[Slyly.]  I  understand  there  is  a  heap  of  money  in  your 
family. 

KATHLEEN. 

[Dubiously.]  But  there's  one  obstacle — Miss  Mariana's 
affections  are  already  engaged. 

MORTIMER. 
Indeed,  to  whom? 

KATHLEEN. 

That's  what  I  can't  find  out.  The  divvle  never  signs  any 
of  his  letters.  I  can  promise  you  one  thing,  he  isn't  very 
high,  and  Miss  Mariana's  father  has  forbid  him  the  house 
and  swears  she  shan't  have  him.  Mr.  Vincent,  oh,  ho! 
he's  all  for  position  and  fashion. 

MORTIMER. 

[Puts  arm  around  her  waist  and  they  walk  up  and  down.] 
Then  Mr.  Vincent  would  be  glad  to  marry  her  to  Mr. 
Brummel.  We'll  enlist  him  on  our  side.  Now  there  are 
two  difficulties  with  Mr.  Brummel — first,  he  is,  just  at 
present,  very  friendly  with  Mrs.  St.  Aubyn.  Still  I  think 
I  can  get  him  out  of  that  predicament,  and  then  you  see 
Mr.  Brummel  is  so  demmed  particular,  the  young  lady 
must  be  correct  to  a  hair  in  every  respect 

KATHLEEN. 

[Affectedly.]  Lord,  Mr.  Morty,  you  needn't  worry 
yourself  about  that;  ar'n't  I  in  her  service?  And  what's 
the  mailer  with  me?  She's  a  very  much  a  la  mud  and 
[crosses  to  mirror  at  right]  correct  in  every  particular. 
Mr.  Mortimer,  do  you  think  you  are  as  becoming  to  me 
as  Mr.  Sheridan's  gentleman? 

[Beckoning  to  him,  he  comes  up  and  looks  over 
her  shoulder  in  the  glass.] 

MORTIMER. 
[Putting  his  arm  around  her  and  leading  her  away  jrom 

[18] 


BEAU  BRUMMEL 

mirror.]    Look,  here,  Kathleen,  no  tricks;  and  what  are 
you  doing  out  at  this  time  of  day  ? 

KATHLEEN. 

[KATHLEEN  and  MORTIMER  walk  to  and  jro.]  Why, 
Miss  Mariana  sent  me  over  an  hour  back  with  this  letter 
[holding  up  letter]  for  her  young  gentleman.  They  cor 
respond  through  me ;  faith,  I'm  turned  into  a  regular  post- 
bag.  But  I'm  afraid  I've  missed  him  this  time. 

MORTIMER. 

[Laughingly.]  You  will  have  to  miss  him  quite  regu 
larly  when  we  begin  to  break  it  off  between  your  young 
mistress  and  her  lover  and  supplant  him  with  my  gentle 
man. 

BEAU 

[BEAU'S  voice  in  distance  from  bedroom.] 
Mortimer  1    Mortimer ! 

MORTIMER. 
Yes,  sir!    [Alarmed.]    That's  Mr.  Brummel! 

KATHLEEN. 

[Starts  of)  lejt.]  Lord !  I'm  off.  [Pointing  to  dressing  table.] 
Oh,  Morty !  Is  that  where  he  sits  and  does  it  ?  [MoRTi- 
MER  nods.]  Couldn't  I  see  him? 

MORTIMER. 

[With  horror.]  What !  Before  he's  finished  ?  Gracious 
heavens !  No ! 

KATHLEEN. 

[Crossing  to  door  to  anteroom.]  Well,  I  am  going.  I'm 
loathe  to  leave  ye;  good-by — be  faithful.  [Throws  kiss.] 

[Exit  KATHLEEN.  Enter  BEAU  from  door  into 
bedroom.  He  enters  slowly  as  though  it  were 
too  much  trouble  to  come  in.  He  is  dressed 
in  a  yellow  brocaded  dressing-gown  tied  with 
a  heavy  yellow  cord.  It  is  longj  so  that 

[19] 


BEAU  BRUMMEL 

only  his  patent  leather  pumps  with  silver  buckles  show,  with 
just  a  glimpse  oj  brown  and  yellow  striped 
socks.  He  crosses  at  once  to  the  dressing-table 
without  paying  any  attention  to  MORTIMER, 
who  bows  deferentially  and  says:] 

MORTIMER. 
Good  morning,  sir. 

BEAU. 
Oh,  go  to  the  devil. 

MORTIMER. 

[To  himself.]    Mr.  Brummel  is  in  a  bad  temper  this 
morning. 

BEAU. 

[Seating  himself  at  dressing-table.]     Mortimer,  is  the 
sun  shining? 

MORTIMER. 
[Crossing  to  window — right.]    Oh,  finely,  sir. 

[SIMPSON  enters,  bringing  soda-water  bottle  and 
glass  in  a  tray.} 

BEAU. 

[Simply  looks  at  it  and  motions  it  away — exit  SIMPSON.] 
Any  gossip,  Mortimer? 

[Has  taken   up  hand-glass   and  then  gently 
smooths  his  eyebrows.] 

MORTIMER. 

None  of  any  account,  sir.  The  Dowager  Lady  Slopington 
ran  off  yesterday  with  young  Philip  Pettibone. 

BEAU. 

[BEAU  is  now  manicuring  his  nails.] 
If  it  happened  yesterday,  it  must  be  forgotten  to-day. 

MORTIMER. 

And  Captain  Badminton  shot  himself  in  the  park  last 
night,  sir,  after  losing  ten  thousand  pounds  at  hazard. 

[20] 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

BEAU. 
[Now  lakes  tweezers  and  pulls  out  one  or  two 

hairs  from  his  face.] 

Very  stupid  of  him ;  he  should  have  shot  himself  first — 
is  he  dead,  Mortimer? 

MORTIMER. 

No,  sir. 

BEAU. 

He  always  was  a  bad  shot.  You'll  find  some  of  his 
I.  O.U.'s  among  my  papers ;  return  them  to  him  cancelled, 
with  my  compliments.  He  can  use  them  for  plasters.  And 
who  has  called  ? 

MORTIMER. 

[Crosses  to  small  table  and  looks  over  cards.]  Oh,  nobody, 
sir.  To  be  sure  there  has  been  the  usual  crowd  of  people. 
The  Hon.  Mrs.  Donner  came  for  your  subscription  to  the 
town  charities,  and  I  gave  her  all  you  could  spare,  sir.  Mr. 
Cecil  Serious,  the  poet,  called  for  permission  to  inscribe 
your  name  under  the  dedication  of  his  new  volume  of 
verses.  Lord  Cowden  came  to  know  if  your  influence 
might  still  be  used  in  the  support  of  his  party  in  the  coming 
elections. 

BEAU. 

[Still  occupied  with  his  toilet.]  Yes,  he  can  use  my  influ 
ence.  Well,  you  satisfied  them  all,  I  presume. 

MORTIMER. 

[At  left.]  I  took  that  liberty,  sir.  Then  there  was  a 
quantity  of  trades  people  with  their  bills  and  accounts.  I 
said  you  had  been  out  all  night  with  the  Prince  and  really 
were  not  able  to  see  them. 

BEAU- 

Pray,  Mortimer,  be  a  little  careful  of  my  reputation  in 
your  lies.  You  know  common  people  are  apt  to  look  upon 
dissipation  very  differently  from  persons  of  fashion.  You 

[21] 


BEAU  BRUMMEL 

may  say  what  you  like  about  the  Prince,  but  handle  me 
a  little  delicately. 

MORTIMER. 

[Bows,  then  speaks  after  short  pause.]  Sprague,  the 
tailor,  called  again,  sir,  with  his  account. 

BEAU. 

[Much  astonished.]  Again!  What  insolence !  Upon  what 
previous  occasion  had  he  the  presumption  to  call? 

MORTIMER. 
A  year  ago  last  month,  sir. 

BEAU. 

[With  real  astonishment.]  What  damned  impudence! 
Mortimer,  you  may  let  it  be  known  at  your  club  that  he 
comes  to  me  no  longer.  Send  for  that  new  tailor — what's 
his  name — to  wait  upon  me  this  afternoon.  Bring  this 
morning's  letters. 

[MORTIMER  brings  down  table  with  a  number 
of  little  notes  to  BEAU,  who  is  still  seated  at 
dressing-table] 

MORTIMER. 

[Holding  up  a  bundle  of  bills.]  These  are  bills,  sir.  All 
of  them  fresh  this  morning  and  some  of  them  more  urgent 
than  usual. 

BEAU. 

[Not  taking  the  trouble  to  look  at  them.]  Hide  them  away 
somewhere,  where  I  can't  see  them,  and  I  shall  feel  as  if 
they  had  been  paid. 

MORTIMER. 

[Pushing  forward  a  bundle  of  notes]  Your  private  cor 
respondence,  this  little  collection,  sir. 

BEAU. 

[Still  seated,  takes  up  notes  one  at  a  time  and  smells  them] 
Patchouli! — phew! — Frangipane! — I  believe  that  smells 

[22] 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

like  peppermint.  I  don't  know  what  that  is,  but  it's  very 
unpleasant.  Violet !— musk !  Take  them  all  away— you 
may  read  them  yourself. 

MORTIMER. 

[Holding  up  yellow  lock  of  hair  which  he  has  taken  from 
an  envelope.]  This  letter  has  this  little  enclosure,  sir. 

BEAU. 

[In  interested  tone.]  Money  ? 

MORTIMER. 
Not  exactly,  sir,  although  a  similar  color. 

BEAU. 
[Disappointed— languidly.]    Whose  is  it? 

MORTIMER. 
Lady  Constance  Conway's,  and  she  says 

BEAU. 

[Interrupts  him.]  Never  mind  what  she  says.  I  believe 
I  did  honor  her  with  the  request.  Write  and  thank  her  and 
quote  some  poetry.  Say  hers  is  the  most  precious  lock  I 
possess.  Rather  tender  little  woman,  Lady  Constance. 

[Sentimentally.] 

MORTIMER. 
[Pointedly.]    Is  she  rich,  sir? 

BEAU. 
[Sighing.]    No,  she's  not. 

MORTIMER. 

[Opening  another  note.]  Oh!  A  note  from  Mrs.  St. 
Aubyn.  She  wants  to  know  where  you've  been  these  two 
days.  She  says  you  are  her  lover's  knot;  she's  coming  to 
see  you  at  three  this  afternoon,  bids  you  be  ready  to  receive 
her.  She  has,  besides,  down  below  in  a  postscript,  a  myriad 
of  sentiments  which  she  says  belongs  to  you,  and  she  is 
herself,  unalterably  yours,  Horatia. 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

BEAU. 

The  one  woman  in  London  with  whom  it's  possible 
to  have  a  Platonic  friendship.  One  must  have  something 
nowadays  and  these  other  liasons  are  so  excessively  vulgar. 

MORTIMER. 
[Very  loud  as  he  opens  letter.]  Mr.  Brummel,  sir. 

BEAU. 

[Shocked.]  Mortimer,  how  often  have  I  told  you  never 
to  startle  me? 

MORTIMER. 

[Bows  an  apology.}  Mr.  Brummel,  sir,  here's  the 
memorandum  of  an  I.  O.  U.  for  one  thousand  pounds, 
given  by  you  to  Lord  Gainsby  at  White's  three  nights  ago 
for  sums  lost  at  hazard. 

BEAU. 

[A  little  disturbed.}  The  deuce,  Mortimer.  It  must  be 
paid  to-day;  that's  a  debt  of  honor.  How  can  we  obtain 
the  money? 

MORTIMER. 

I  can  try  Abrahams  again,  sir,  but  he  was  very  difficult 
the  last  time. 

BEAU. 

[Rings  bell.  Enter  SIMPSON  from  anteroom.  Without 
looking  at  him.]  Simpson ! 

SIMPSON. 
Yes,  sir. 

BEAU. 

Go  to  Mr.  Abrahams.  Of  course,  you  know  where  he 
lives. 

SIMPSON. 
Yes,  sir. 

[MORTIMER  brings  table  back  to  place  up  at  right.} 

[24] 


BEAU    BRUMMEL 

BEAU. 
Say  Mr.  Brummel  requests  his  immediate  attendance. 

SIMPSON. 
Very  well,  sir!  [Exit  SIMPSON.] 

MORTIMER. 

[Coming  down.]  Mr.  Brummel,  sir,  this  can't  go  on 
much  longer. 

BEAU. 
No,  I  hope  not. 

MORTIMER. 

Everybody's  pressing  on  you  and  the  only  thing  that 
keeps  them  off  at  all  is  your  friendship  with  the  Prince, 
and  if  anything  should  happen  to  that 

BEAU. 

[Quite  unaffectedly.]  Nothing  could  happen  to  that, 
Mortimer,  and  if  anything  did,  I  should  cut  the  Prince 
and  make  the  old  King  the  fashion.  [Rises.] 

MORTIMER. 

I  have  been  wondering,  Mr.  Brummel,  if  I  might  be  so 
bold,  if  you  had  ever  thought,  sir,  of  the  advisability  of  a 
rich  marriage. 

BEAU. 

Yes,  it  has  occurred  to  me  occasionally ;  in  fact,  it  has 
passed  through  my  mind  quite  recently  that  it  might  be 
desirable.  Only  to  decide  on  the  person  really  seems  too 
difficult  a  task  for  me  to  undertake.  You  would  not  have 
me  marry  a  mere  money  bag,  would  you,  Mortimer? 

MORTIMER. 

[At  left  of  table.}  But  the  great  Mr.  Brummel  has 
only  to  choose. 

BEAU. 
[Staring  at  him  in  utter  surprise  that  such  a  remark 

[25] 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

should  be  necessary.]  Yes,  of  course !  But  one  desires  some 
sentiment.  I  wouldn't  care  to  make  a  loan  for  life  and  give 
myself  as  security. 

MORTIMER. 

Mr.  Brummel,  sir,  have  you  ever  observed  Miss 
Mariana  Vincent  ? 

BEAU. 

[Thoughtfully.]  Yes,  I  have  noticed  her  in  the  Mall  and 
I  must  confess  it  was  to  admire  her ;  her  person  is  perfect. 
Is  her  matrimonial  figure  as  good  ? 

MORTIMER. 
I  believe  it  is  sixty  thousand  pounds,  sir. 

BEAU. 
Oh,  dear! 

MORTIMER. 

[Hastily.]  But  Mr.  Vincent  would  be  ashamed  to  offer 
so  little  to  the  wife  of  Mr.  Brummel. 

BEAU. 

[Musingly.]  Yes,  it's  a  very  paltry  sum,  and  Mrs.  St. 
Aubyn 

MORTIMER. 

[Insinuatingly.]  If  you  could  present  her  to  the  Prince, 
Mr.  Brummel,  don't  you  think  a  Platonic  friendship 
might  spring  up  there  ? 

BEAU. 

[As  though  thinking  aloud.]  She  is  ambitious,  but  she 
is  clever,  and  would  never  forgive  a  slight.  She  is  a  good 
hater  and  if  she  thought  she  were  being  put  upon  one  side, 
she  would  make  a  sly  enemy.  Well— we  shall  see.  Morti 
mer,  write  a  letter  to  Mr.  Vincent— make  my  proposal  for 
his  daughter's  hand.  Be  mindful  of  your  language  and 
careful  to  accomplish  it  in  the  most  elegant  manner,  and 
request  an  immediate  reply. 


Men  shake  hands  much  too  often.     A  glance  of  the  eye, 
Reginald — a  glance  of  the  eye." 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

MORTIMER. 

Yes,  sir. 

SIMPSON. 
[Enters  at  left  from  anteroom.]   Mr.  Reginald  Courtenay, 

sir. 

BEAU. 

Yes,  you  may  bid  him  come  in  here. 

[REGINALD  comes  rushing  In  from  anteroom. 
He  is  a  handsome,  bright-faced  lad  of  twenty, 
dressed  simply,  in  great  contrast  to  BEAU'S 
gorgeous  attire.} 

REGINALD. 

[Speaks  very  loud.}  Ah!  Mortimer.  [Crossing  to  BEAU, 
after  placing  hat  and  cane  on  table,  with  hand  extended.] 
Good  morning,  Uncle  Beau ! 

BEAU- 

Reginald!  You  are  evidently  laboring  under  the  im 
pression  that  I  am  a  great  distance  off. 

[MORTIMER  goes  off  into  bedroom.] 

REGINALD. 

[In  a  much  lower  tone.]  I  beg  your  pardon,  Uncle 
Beau.  [Bows.]  Good  morning.  [Hand  extended.} 

BEAU. 

No,  I  don't  think  I  will  shake  hands;  men  shake  hands 
much  too  often,  especially  in  warm  weather.  A  glance  of 
the  eye,  Reginald— a  glance  of  the  eye.  Did  it  ever  occur 
to  you,  Reginald,  how  thoughtful  our  Creator  was  in 
giving  us  bodies,  to  give  them  to  us  naked,  so  that  we 
could  dress  and  ornament  them  as  we  choose  ? 

REGINALD. 
It  had  not  occurred  to  me  before,  Uncle. 

BEAU. 
No,  I  suppose  not. 

[27] 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

REGINALD. 
I  trust  you  are  well  this  morning? 

BEAU. 

No,  I've  contracted  a  cold — I  suppose  everybody  will 
have  a  cold  now.  1  left  my  carriage  on  the  way  to  the 
Pavilion  last  night  and  the  wretch  of  a  landlord  put  me 
into  the  same  room  with  a  damp  stranger. 

REGINALD. 

[Goes  up,  sits  on  settee  at  right,  with  a  change  o)  tone  and 
manner.]  Uncle,  I  want  your  advice  and  help. 

BEAU. 

[BEAU  goes  to  REGINALD  and  puts  his  hand  on  his 
shoulder  and  speaks  with  real  affection.]  All  the  advice  I 
have  is  yours.  Reginald,  my  boy,  I  trust  you  haven't 
gotten  yourself  into  difficulties.  You  are  the  one  creature 
in  the  world  whom  I  love,  and  I  think  it  would  break  my 
heart  to  see  you  in  any  trouble  from  which  I  could  not  free 
you.  Your  mother,  my  boy,  was  a  mother  to  me  for  years, 
and  when  I  lost  my  sister,  I  lost  the  best  iriend  I  ever  had. 
She  saw  the  heart  that  beat  beneath  the  waistcoat.  More 
over,  she  helped  me  always — in  every  way;  if  it  had  not 
been  for  her,  perhaps  even  now,  I  might  be  in  some  smoky 
office  in  the  city — that  undiscovered  country  from  whose 
bourn  no  social  traveler  ever  returns.  [Crosses  back  to 
dressing-table.}  What  is  it,  Reginald?  If  you  are  in  debt 
I  will  give  you  a  letter  to  Mr.  Abrahams.  If  you  are  in  the 
blue-devils  I  will  give  you  one  to  Mrs.  St.  Aubyn. 

REGINALD. 

[Rises  and  coming  down  to  BEAU.]  I  am  in  neither, 
Uncle  Beau;  I  am  in  love. 

BEAU. 

Dear  me,  that's  worse  than  either.  How  do  you  know 
you  are? 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

REGINALD. 

— well — I  feel  it  here !  [Indicating  heart.]  I  live  only 
when  she  is  present  and  merely  exist  when  away  from  her. 

BEAU. 

[Staring  at  him  through  his  glass.]  Reginald,  don't 
talk  like  a  family  newspaper.  Is  your  fair  one  possible  ? 

REGINALD. 

[Indignantly.]  If  you  mean  is  she  a  gentlewoman,  she 
is,  and  besides,  young  and  beautiful — and— 

BEAU. 

[At  right.]  Of  course,  she  would  be.  But  does  she  re 
turn  your  passion  ? 

REGINALD. 
She  loves  me,  Uncle. 

BEAU. 
Of  course,  she  would — but — 

REGINALD. 

Her  father  is  opposed  to  me.  He  has  forbidden  our  see 
ing  each  other;  our  meetings  have  to  be  clandestine,  and 
our  mutual  correspondence  is  carried  on  through  her 
maid.  He  wishes  a  title  for  his  daughter.  He  is  rich  and 
seeks  only  position  in  the  world  of  society,  while  she,  ah ! 
she  cares  nothing  for  it — only — for — me. 

BEAU. 

[Looking  at  him  through  glass.]  Reginald,  do  you 
know  I  think  you  are  more  conceited  than  I  am. 

REGINALD. 

[At  center.]  Oh,  no!  [Bowing.]  Oh!  Uncle  Beau,  you, 
who  are  so  high  in  favor  at  the  Court,  who  have  Dukes  at 
your  elbow  and  the  Regent  on  your  arm,  might  help  me  in  a 
worldly  way  that  I  might  win  over  the  father.  I  know  that 
I  am  dear  to  you,  as  you  are  to  me — and  that  is  why  I  have 
come  to  you. 

[29] 


BEAU  BRUMMEL 

BEAU. 

And  you  shall  not  have  come  in  vain.  [With  enthu 
siasm.]  By  my  manners !  You  shall  have  the  girl  if  I  have 
to  plead  for  you  myself.  But  that  will  not  be  necessary. 
No,  I  will  give  you  social  distinction  and  prominence  much 
more  easily.  Come  for  me  in  a  little  while  and  I'll  walk 
along  the  Mall  with  you  to  White's.  Yes,  and  be  seen  with 
you  at  the  club  window  a  few  moments.  Now,  my  dear 
boy,  can  anybody  possibly  do  anything  more  for  you? 

[With  absolute  conviction.] 

REGINALD. 

[Pleased.]  No,  Uncle.  [Turning  to  go.]  Yes,  Uncle— 
you  can  do  one  thing  more  for  me.  I've  left  my  purse ;  will 
you  lend  me  a  couple  of  crowns  to  take  a  chair  with  ?  I've 
missed  an  appointment  with  the  maid,  and  I  wish  to  return 
to  the  park  in  a  hurry. 

BEAU. 

Reginald,  you  know  I  never  use  silver,  it's  so  excess 
ively  dirty  and  heavy.  Ask  Mortimer  for  a  couple  of 
guineas  as  you  go  out.  [REGINALD  starts  to  go.]  By  the 
way,  Reginald,  it  is  just  possible  that  I  may  enter  into 
the  golden  bands  myself.  I  am  thinking  somewhat  of  a 
marriage  with  a  certain  young  lady  whose  charms,  strange 
to  say,  very  much  resemble  those  you  would  have  described 
had  I  permitted  you  to  inflict  me. 

REGINALD. 

[Laughing.]  You  marry!  Uncle!  You!  Your  wit 
makes  me  laugh  in  spite  of  my  dolours.  Imagine  the  great 
Beau  Brummel  married!  Why,  Uncle,  your  children 
would  be  little  Rosettes. 

BEAU. 

[Wincing.]  Reginald,  never  be  guilty  of  a  pun ;  it  is 
excessively  vulgar.  I  am  serious.  I  think  I  may  marry. 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

RE  G  I  N  A  L  D  . 

[Going  to  BEAU  and  offering  hand  quickly.]  Then,  Uncle, 
I  am  glad  for  you. 

BEAU. 

[Starts,  looks  at  hand  with  eye-glass.]  Dear  me,  what's 
that?  Oh,  dear,  no,  Reginald — a  glance  of  the  eye. 
[REGINALD  drops  hand.]  A  glance  of  the  eye.  My  boy, 
you  look  so  like  your  mother — God  bless  you. 

[REGINALD  goes  to  table  at  left  for  hat  and  slick.] 

BEAU. 
You  will  return  ? 

REGINALD. 

[Boisterously,  crossing  to  door  at  left.]  Yes,  shortly. 

BEAU. 

[Again  shocked  at  his  loud  tone.]  Reginald! 

[REGINALD  stops,  returns  a  step  or  two,  looks  at 
BEAU  as  if  to  say,  "What  is  it?"  BEAU  bow s 
very  politely.  REGINALD  remembers  he'd 
forgotten  himself  for  a  minute,  bows,  places 
hat  on  his  head,  as  he  turns,  and  exits  less 
boisterously.] 

SIMPSON. 

[Enters  from  anteroom  as  REGINALD  exits.]  Mr. 
Abrahams,  sir. 

BEAU. 
Yes,  you  can  let  him  in  here. 

SIMPSON. 

[Exits  and  returns,  ushering  in  ABRAHAMS.]  Mr. 
Abrahams,  sir. 

ABRAHAMS. 

[Enters  with  assurance.]  I  understand,  Mr.  Brummel, 
that  you  wished  to  see  me.  I  had  much  difficulty  in  leaving 
my  place  of  business,  but  you  see  I  am  here. 

[31] 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

BEAU. 

[Glancing  at  him  through  his  glass.]  Ah — Abrahams— 
ah,  yes !    So  you  are,  so  you  are. 

ABRAHAMS. 

[Insinuatingly.]    I  thought  it  was  likely,  sir,  that  you 
wished  to  make  a  few  payments. 

BEAU. 

[Drily.]    I  think  that's  wrong,  Abrahams;  do  you  know 
I  fear  you  will  have  to  guess  again.   , 

ABRAHAMS. 

[With  indignation.]     Well  now,  really,  Mr.  Brummel, 
I  hope  you  don't  want  to  raise  another  loan. 

BEAU. 

[Pleased  that  he  has  surmised  it.]    I  believe  that's  right, 
Abrahams;  second  thoughts  seem  to  be  always  the  best. 

ABRAHAMS. 

[Very  loudly.]    Really,  Mr.  Brummel,  sir,  I'm  sorry, 
sir,  but  the  fact  is  I  can't  possibly— 

[Enter  Simpson  from  anteroom.] 

SIMPSON. 

[Interrupting  ABRAHAMS.]    A  footman  from  His  Royal 
Highness,  the  Prince  Regent,  sir. 

BEAU. 

[Quite  unconcernedly.]    Yes,  you  can  let  him  come  in 
here. 

[ABRAHAMS  looks  at  BEAU  and  backs  up  a  trifle. 
Enter  footman.    Stands  below  door.\ 

BEAU. 
[Without  looking  at  him.]    Mortimer,  which  one  is  it  ? 

MORTIMER. 
[Who  had  come  in  from  bedroom.]   Bendon,  sir. 

[32] 


BEAU    BRUMMEL 

BEAU. 
[At  right.     Graciously.]    Very  well,  Bendon. 

FOOTMAN. 

[With  great  respect.]  Mr.  Brummel,  sir,  His  Royal 
Highness  wishes  to  know  if  you  will  be  at  home  this  after 
noon  at  four  o'clock.  If  so,  he  will  call  upon  you  to  make 
arrangements  for  the  dance  at  Carlton  House. 

BEAU. 
At  what  o'clock  did  you  say,  Bendon? 

BENDON. 
[With  low  bow.]  At  four  o'clock,  sir. 

BEAU. 

Say  to  His  Royal  Highness  to  make  it  half-past  four 
o'clock. 

[Exit  footman  at  left,  followed  by  SIMPSON. 
ABRAHAMS  is  overcome  with  wonder  at  this 
and  looks  at  MORTIMER,  who  draws  himself 
up  proudly.] 

BEAU. 

[As  if  recollecting  his  presence.]  You  were  saying,  Mr. 
Abrahams,  that  you  could  not  possibly— 

ABRAHAMS. 

[Bowing,  changing  attitude  and  tone.]  Hm,  ach — hem — 
that  I  should  be  very  glad — though  I  am  just  now  rather 
pressed  myself.  How  much  did  you  say,  sir? 

BEAU. 
How  much  did  I  say,  Mortimer? 

[Enter  REGINALD  same  door.] 

REGINALD. 

[Boisteriously  rushing  to  BEAU,  left  center.]  Am  I  in  good 
time,  Uncle? 

[33] 


BEAU  BRUMMEL 

BEAU. 
[Startled.]     Reginald,  how  often  have   I  told   you   to 

enter  a  room  properly.     You  came  in  like — like  a 

Mortimer,  what  did  Mr.  Reginald  come  like  ? 

MORTIMER. 
[Reproachfully.]  Like  a  thunderbolt,  sir. 

BEAU. 

Ah,  yes — like  a  thunderbolt;  very  unpleasant  things, 
thunderbolts.  Mortimer,  have  I  ever  seen  a  thunder 
bolt? 

MORTIMER 
Once,  sir. 

BEAU. 

Yes ;  I  once  saw  a  thunderbolt ;  very  unpleasant  things, 
thunderbolts.  You  must  not  come  in  like  a  thunderbolt, 
Reginald. 

REGINALD. 

[Looking  at  ABRAHAMS.]  I  beg  your  pardon,  Uncle 
Beau.  Are  you  busy  ? 

BEAU. 
[As  if  startled.]   I  beg  your  pardon 

REGINALD. 

Are  you  busy  ? 

BEAU. 

Busy!  Ugh!  Never  employ  that  term  with  me.  No 
gentleman  is  ever  busy.  Insects  and  city  people  are  busy. 
This — ah — person  has  come  to  ask  my  assistance  in  some 
little  financial  matters,  and  I  think  I've  rather  promised 
to  oblige  him.  Mortimer,  go  with  this — ah — ah — person. 
You  go  with  my  valet.  [ABRAHAMS  bows  and  bows.]  Yes, 
quite  so,  quite  so. 

[Exit  MORTIMER  and  ABRAHAMS  into  ante 
room  at  left,  ABRAHAMS  backing,  bowing  all 
the  time.} 

[34] 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

REGINALD. 
[Gloomily  sitting  on  sofa.]  I  was  too  late ;  I  missed  her. 

BEAU. 

Don't  be  gloomy,  Reginald,  or  I  shall  not  be  able  to 
walk  with  you.  Nothing  is  more  conspicuous  than  melan 
choly. 

[MORTIMER  returns — coughs.] 

BEAU. 

Mortimer,  are  you  coughing  ? 

MORTIMER. 
[Apologetically.]    Yes,  sir. 

BEAU. 

[At  right.]  Well,  I  wish  you  wouldn't.  You  wish  to  speak 
with  me  ? 

MORTIMER. 

Yes,  sir.  [BEAU  crosses,  bowing  in  apology  as  he  passes 
REGINALD.]  Mr.  Brummel,  sir,  everything  is  arranged 
satisfactorily,  sir. 

BEAU. 

Did  you  send  for  the  new  tailor,  what's  his  name,  to 
come  this  afternoon  ? 

MORTIMER. 
Yes,  sir. 

BEAU. 
And  have  you  written  the  letter  to  Mr.  Vincent? 

MORTIMER. 
Yes,  sir,  all  ready  to  seal. 

BEAU. 

Then  seal  it  and  despatch  it  at  once.  And  now,  Regi 
nald,  come  with  me  and  you  shall  see  me  having  my  coat 
put  on.  [REGINALD  rises.} 

[35] 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

[Exit  BEAU  and  REGINALD  into  bedroom.   Enter  KATHLEEN 
from  anteroom.] 

KATHLEEN. 

La !  I  must  come  in  for  a  minute.  I  missed  my  young 
gentleman  in  the  park  and  I  ventured  back  to  ask  how  we 
are  to  discover  who  he  is.  That's  what  we  must  do  some 
how,  but  how? 

[REGINALD  enters  from  bedroom.] 

REGINALD. 

[Coming  down.]   Mr.  Brummel's  snuff-box,  Mortimer. 
[REGINALD    and    KATHLEEN    recognize    each 
other.} 

REGINALD. 
Her  maid ! 

KATHLEEN. 

[To  MORTIMER.]  Oh,  Lord !  The  very  young  gentleman 
himself. 

MORTIMER. 
What! 

REGINALD. 
[At  left.   Suspiciously.]   What  are  you  doing  here? 

KATHLEEN. 

[At  center.]  Why,  I  missed  you  in  the  park,  sir — you 
were  too  early.  [To  MORTIMER.]  Will  you  say  something  ? 
But  I  saw  you  in  advance  of  me.  [To  MORTIMER.]  Give 
utterance  to  something.  And  I  followed  you  here  to  give 
you  this  letter.  [Gives  note  to  REGINALD.  To  MORTIMER.] 
I  had  to  give  it  to  him  that  time. 

BEAU. 
[Outside  calling.]   Reginald ! 

[MORTIMER  and  REGINALD  rush  KATHLEEN 
off  through  bay  window.  MORTIMER  stands 
at  window  after  drawing  curtain.  REGINALD 

[36] 


BEAU  BRUMMEL 

crosses  to  table  at  left  center,  stands  back  oj  same.     Enter 
BEAU  from  bedroom.] 

BEAU. 

[At  center  door.]  Mortimer,  what  was  that  extraordi 
nary  commotion? 

MORTIMER. 
[At  right  at  window,  innocently.]  What  commotion,  sir? 

BEAU. 

[Standing  in  doorway.]  Mortimer,  don't  be  an  echo; 
how  often  have  I  told  you  that  servants  are  born  to  answer 
questions,  not  to  ask  them  ?  I  believe  you  said  the  sun  was 
shining?  [Crosses  to  window.] 

REGINALD. 

[Very  loud,  stopping  him.]    Uncle  Beau,  your  snuff-box. 

[Offering  box.] 

BEAU. 

[At  center.  Starts.]  Ah!  I  knew  I  lacked  something;  I 
perceived  I  had  on  my  coat,  my  fob,  my  waistcoat,  my 
unmentionables.  Dear  me,  yes,  it  was  my  snuff-box — 
thank  you,  thank  you.  [He  does  not  take  snuff-box.] 

[He  now  is  fully  dressed — long  brown  trousers, 
fitting  very  closely  around  the  leg  and  but 
toned  around  the  ankle,  a  yellow  brocaded 
waistcoat,  brown  coat,  ruffled  shirt  with 
neckerchief,  fob  with  many  seals.  He  crosses 
to  dressing-table  and  arranges  flowers — three 
yellow  roses — in  his  coat.  MORTIMER  has 
crossed  to  table  and  stands  holding  hat, 
gloves  and  stick.  REGINALD  has  the  snuff 
box.  BEAU  turns  from  dressing-table,  comes 
to  the  center.  REGINALD  offers  him  the  snuff 
box  open.  BEAU  takes  pinch  with  courteous 
nod  of  head.  REGINALD  takes  pinch,  closes 

[37] 


BEAU    BRUMMEL 

box,  hands  it  to  BEAU,  who  holds  it  in  hand.  MORTIMER 
then  hands  him  gloves.  BEAU  arranges 
them  in  hand  very  precisely.  MORTIMER 
then  hands  stick.  BEAU  puts  this  in  just 
right  position.  MORTIMER  then  hands  hat. 
BEAU  takes  it,  is  about  to  put  it  on,  then 
looks  at  it,  stands  aghast  and  hands  it  back 
with  no  word,  but  just  an  expression  of 
complete  astonishment.  MORTIMER,  very 
puzzled,  takes  it  and  then  sees  that  he  has 
handed  it  with  the  wrong  side  to  put  on. 
Bows  very  low  with  an  expression  of  great 
chagrin.  Turns  it  and  hands  it  to  BEAU. 
BEAU  takes  it,  walks  to  mirror,  raises  it  two 
or  three  times  until  he  has  it  at  just  the  right 
angle,  then  puts  it  on.  Turns  to  REGINALD.] 

BEAU. 

And  now,  REGINALD,  I'll  make  your  fortune  for  you. 
I'll  walk  down  the  Mall  with  you  to  White's. 

[Walks  to  door  followed  by  REGINALD  as  cur 
tain  comes  down.] 


[38] 


THE  FIRST  ACT 

SCENE  TWO 


BEAU    BRUMMEL 

THE  FIRST  ACT 

SCENE   TWO 

The  BEAU'S  reception-room.  A  small  room,  furnished  in 
chintz.  Chippendale  sofa  at  the  right.  Large  entrance 
at  back  with  red  striped  chintz  curtains.  Palms  in 
window.  A  table  on  the  left  holds  a  standing  memo 
randum  tablet.  Small  arm-chair  back  oj  sofa.  Two  or 
three  other  chairs  scattered  around  the  room.  A  door  at 
the  left.  BEAU  BRUMMEL  at  the  rise  oj  curtain  is 
standing  by  table,  looking  at  the  memorandum  tablet 
through  his  eye-glass.  He  is  dressed  as  in  scene  one. 
SIMPSON  draws  the  curtains  at  the  backhand  announces: 

SIMPSON. 
Mrs.  St.  Aubyn,  sir! 

[SIMPSON  then  leaves  the  curtains  drawn  and 
goes  out.  BEAU  turns  and  bows.] 

BEAU. 
Punctual  as  the  day  and  twice  as  welcome. 

[MRS.  ST.  AUBYN  has  sailed  into  the  room  with 
an  air  that  plainly  says,  **  You  and  I  are  to 
settle  some  important  things  to-day."  She  is 
a  very  handsome  woman  of  about  thirty, 
beautifully  dressed,  and  showing  in  every 
look  and  motion  the  woman  accustomed  to 
homage  and  command.  She  carries  a  fan, 
which  she  uses  to  emphasize  all  her  remarks.} 

MRS.    ST.    AUBYN. 
You  received  my  letter? 

BEAU. 

[With  another  bow.]  And  your  ambrosial  lock  of  hair. 
[MRS.  ST.  AUBYN  is  at  first  offended,  and  then 
laughs  and  sits  on  sofa.] 

[41] 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

MRS.    ST.    AUBYN. 

Not  mine,  my  dear  BEAU;  you  know  I'm  not  such  a 
fool 

[BEAU  is  not  at  all  taken  aback  by  the  mistake 
he  has  made.] 

BEAU. 

Ah,  no,  I  believe  I  am  mistaken ;  but,  my  dear  Horatia, 
one  gets  things  of  this  sort  so  mixed;  and  I  plead  in 
extenuation  that  the  wish  was  father  to  the  thought. 

[BEAU  sits  in  chair  near  table.] 

MRS.    ST.    AUBYN. 

Have  you  missed  me  really  these  last  two  days  ?  Where 
have  you  been?  It's  been  so  dull  without  you,  I  vow,  I 
could  almost  have  married  again.  [Leans  forward  and 
speaks  very  confidentially.}  Now,  I  want  you  to  do  me  a 
favor,  will  you? 

BEAU. 
Whisper  it  and  it  is  done. 

MRS.    ST.    AUBYN. 

Well,  then,  I  will  whisper.  I  want  you  to  get  me  a  card 
to  the  dance  at  Carlton  House. 

BEAU. 

The  very  privilege  that  I  have  looked  forward  to.  I 
desire  to  present  you  myself  to  the  Prince,  and  witness 
your  triumph.  An  unselfish  pleasure,  you  would  say,  but 
I  love  you  too  well,  my  dear  Horatia,  not  to  sacrifice 
myself  to  your  greatest  opportunity. 

[During  this  speech  MRS.  ST.  AUBYN  has 
listened  with  a  slight  cynical  smile,  and  now 
with  an  air  of  finality  says :] 

MRS.   ST.    AUBYN. 

I  would  not  give  up  your  devotion  altogether — even  for 
the  Prince's.  [With  great  empressement.] 

[42] 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

BEAU. 

Take  both.     Mine  you  will  always  have. 

MRS.    ST.    AUB  YN. 
Yet  I  think  my  devotion  for  you  overbalances  yours. 

BEAU. 

My  dear  madam,  you  are  too  good.  Do  you  know,  I 
fear  you  will  die  young  ? 

MRS.    ST.    AUBYN. 

[With  an  air  of  giving  up  this  contest  of  wits.}  Oh,  the 
deuce  take  your  fine  phrases !  If  I  thought  I'd  a  rival,  I'd 
let  the  Prince  flit  somewhere  else.  You're  clever,  and  the 
Prince  isn't.  He'll  be  very  dull.  Then  he'll  be  harder  to 
keep  within  bounds.  Oh,  [quickly  as  she  sees  an  almost 
imperceptible  shrug  of  BEAU'S  shoulder}  it  isn't  that  I'm 
afraid  for  my  reputation,  that  was  damned  long  ago.  But 
I've  certain  notions  of  self-respect  which  aren't  in  the 
fashion  and  which  men  don't  seem  to  understand. 

BEAU. 
[Very  quietly.}  Marry  him ! 

MRS.    ST.    AUBYN. 
[With  real  astonishment.]  What ! 

BEAU. 

[Taking  out  snuff-box  and  taking  snuff.]   Marry  him. 

MRS.    ST.    AUBYN. 
It  is  impossible ! 

BEAU. 
With  you  all  things  are  possible. 

[MRS.  ST.  AUBYN  laughs  nervously  and  steals  a 
surreptitious  look  at  herself  in  a  little  mirror 
in  her  fan.] 

MRS.    ST.    AUBYN. 
My  dear  Beau,  I  wish  you'd  make  plain  sense  instead 

[43] 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

of  pretty  sentences.     What  advantages  have  I  to  recom 
mend  me  ? 

BEAU. 

I  will  ask  Mortimer  to  make  out  a  list,  but  I  may  name 
one  only— which  is  all  sufficient.  For  the  past  six  weeks 
—I  have  admired  you. 

[MRS.  ST.  AUBYN  rises  with  a  laugh.] 

MRS.    ST.    AUBYN. 

Oh,  the  conceit  of  the  man.    But  tell  me  what  style  of 
woman  is  the  Prince  caught  by? 
[BEAU  rising  also.] 

BEAU. 

To  be  perfectly  frank  with  you,  the  Prince  admires  the 
fashion  and  I— have  made  you  the  fashion.  I  am  ex 
pecting  him  here  this  afternoon. 

[MRS.  ST.  AUBYN  gives  a  shriek  of  dismay.] 

MRS.    ST.    AUBYN. 

Who?   The  Prince!    Gracious,  why  didn't  you  tell  me? 
[Runs  to  cheval  glass.]    How  am  I  looking?  There,  there, 
you  needn't  answer;  I  know  it  is  one  of  my  bad  days. 

[BEAU  is  really  very  much  upset  by  this  rushing 
around  and  rapid  talking.  Speaks  as  though 
quite  overcome.] 

BEAU. 

My  dear  Horatia,  I  beg  of  you  not  to  rattle  on  so; 
you've  no  idea  how  you  fatigue  me. 

[SIMPSON  enters  at  back  and  announces:} 

SIMPSON. 
The  Duchess  of  Leamington,  Mr.  Sheridan,  sir! 

[SIMPSON  goes  out.] 

[MRS.  ST.  AUBYN  says  to  herself,  as  she  comes 
down  to  chair  at  right  of  sofa:] 

[44] 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

MRS.    ST.    AUBYN. 
Damme  that  woman. 

[The  DUCHESS  and  MR.  SHERIDAN  enter  at 
back.  The  DUCHESS  is  a  very  much  painted 
and  bewigged  old  young  woman,  dressed  in 
a  very  light  flowered  gown,  with  a  very  large 
hat.  SHERIDAN  is  still  handsome,  but  no 
longer  young,  dressed  in  black  silk  knee 
breeches,  black  coat  and  stockings,  wears  the 
powdered  wig  instead  of  short  hair  like 
BEAU'S.  The  DUCHESS  makes  low  curtsy 
to  BEAU,  who  bows.] 

BEAU. 

Ah,  Duchess,  what  happy  accident!  Has  your  car 
riage  broken  down  at  my  door,  or  do  you  come  out  of  your 
own  sweet  charity  ?  We  were  just  speaking  of  you.  I  said 
you  were  the  best-dressed  woman  in  London,  but  Mrs. 
St.  Aubyn  did  not  seem  to  agree  with  me.  [To  SHERIDAN.] 
How  do  you  do,  Sherry  ? 

[Nods  to  SHERRY  and  crossing  to  him,  offers 
him  snuff-box.  SHERIDAN  takes  snuff.] 

DUCHESS. 

[The  DUCHESS,  as  though  noticing  MRS.  ST.  AUBYN  for 
the  first  time,  says  superciliously :]  How  dy'e  do  ? 

MRS.    ST.    AUBYN. 

[Haughtily.]  Mr.  Brummel  pleases  to  be  witty  at  my 
expense,  Duchess.  [Then  to  herself.]  I  must  be  on  my 
guard.  I  don't  understand  Beau. 

\Tlie  DUCHESS  seats  herself  on  sofa.  MRS.  ST. 
AUBYN  is  sitting  in  chair  just  below  sofa. 
BEAU  is  sitting  at  chair  near  table  and 
SHERIDAN  is  still  standing.] 

DUCHESS. 
Mr.  Sheridan  and  I  thought  we'd  come  to  tell  you  the 

[45] 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

news.   We  knew  you  were  never  up  till  noon  and  thought 
you  might  want  to  hear  what's  going  on. 

[SHERIDAN  now  brings  down  chair  from  the 
back  and  sits  about  center.} 

SHERIDAN. 

And  when  we  were  nearly  here  we  remembered  that 
really  there  was  nothing  to  tell.  There  seems  to  be  a 
lamentable  dearth  of  scandal  and  gossip  nowadays.  I 
don't  know  what  we  are  coming  to.  The  ladies  have 
absolutely  nothing  to  talk  about. 

BEAU. 

Sherry,  I  hear  the  " School  for  Scandal"  is  to  be  re 
vived.  It  returns  to  us  every  year  like  spring  and  the  in 
fluenza. 

SHERIDAN. 
[Regretfully.}  Yes,  but  it  won't  be  played  as  it  used  to  be. 

BEAU. 
[Thankfully.]   No,  I  hope  not. 

DUCHESS. 

Dear  me,  only  think  of  Miss  Motional  playing  Lady 
Teazle  now,  at  her  age.  Why  is  it  that  passe  people  are 
always  so  anxious  to  act  ?  [With  a  little  affected  giggle.]  I 
wonder  you  don't  go  on  the  stage,  Mrs.  St.  Aubyn? 

MRS.    ST.    AUBYN. 

[With  great  sweetness.]  I  never  experienced  a  scandal  of 
sufficient  eclat  to  warrant  such  a  step.  But,  you,  Duchess, 
what  a  success  you  would  have ! 

DUCHESS. 
Spiteful  creature. 

BEAU. 

How  very  severe 

[SIMPSON  enters  at  back,  announces:] 

[46] 


BEAU    BRUMMEL 

SIMPSON. 
His  Royal  Highness,  the  Prince  Regent,  sir. 

[SIMPSON  exits.  The  PRINCE  enters,  does  not 
remove  his  hat.  All  rise.  DUCHESS  and  MRS. 
ST.  AUBYN  curtsy.  SHERIDAN  bows  very 
low  and  BEAU  bows  rather  condescendingly.] 

PRINCE. 
Ah,  Beau,  good  morning. 

BEAU. 

This  is  very  good  of  you,  sir.  The  Duchess,  I  am  sure, 
is  a  welcome  vision.  Sherry,  you  know,  and  you  have 
heard — surely  you  have  heard  of  the  fascinating  Mrs.  St. 
Aubyn. 

PRINCE. 
But  never  have  seen  half  enough. 

BEAU. 
Where  will  you  put  yourself,  sir? 

PRINCE. 

[Very  emphatically  says  as  he  crosses  to  sofa:]  Damme, 
here. 

[He  sits  on  sofa  and  makes  a  motion  with  his 
hand,  inviting  MRS.  ST.  AUBYN  to  sit  beside 
him.  To  do  this  MRS.  ST.  AUBYN  has  to 
cross  in  front  of  the  DUCHESS,  which  she  does 
with  a  look  of  triumph,  while  the  DUCHESS 
in  moving  to  MRS.  ST.  AUBYN'S  vacated  seat 
turns  up  her  nose  as  much  as  to  say,  "  That 
won't  last  long.''1  And  BEAU,  having  wit 
nessed  all  this  little  byplay,  has  a  little  smile 
as  he  sees  all  is  just  as  he  wants  it.] 

MRS.    ST.    AUBYN. 
I  believe,  sir,  Mr.  Sheridan  is  thinking  of  a  new  play. 

[47] 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

PRINCE. 

Don't  you  put  me  in,  Sherry,  or,  if  you  do,  mind  you 
make  me  thin.  A  fat  man  played  me  in  the  pantomime 
t'other  night,  and  damme,  I  had  him  locked  up. 

SHERIDAN. 
[With  great  deference.]  'Twas  a  libel,  sir,  a  gross  libel. 

PRINCE. 

I  heard,  Beau,  from  my  tailor  this  morning  that  you 
had  gotten  up  something  new  in  trousers.  Why  the  deuce 
haven't  you  told  me  ? 

DUCHESS 

[With  affected  girlishness.]  Oh,  dear  me,  what  are  the 
new  trousers  ? 

SHERIDAN 

[Maliciously.]  Why,  Duchess,  I  don't  see  how  they  can 
possibly  interest  you. 

MRS.    ST.    AUBYN. 

Mr.  Sheridan,  Mr.  Sheridan,  both  your  plays  and 
your  conversation  ought  to  be  expurgated. 

DUCHESS. 

Come,  come,  stop  all  this  banter,  and  Mr.  Brummel 
will  tell  us. 

BEAU. 

[As  though  bored  by  all  this  chatter.]  You  must  excuse 
me,  Duchess ;  I  have  contracted  a  cold. 

PRINCE. 

I'll  tell  you,  Duchess;  they're  long  trousers  which  are 
slit  so  [pointing  with  his  cane  to  his  own  leg]  at  the  bottom 
and  then  buttoned  tight.  Very  odd,  you  see,  and  striking. 

DUCHESS. 

It  might  be  too  striking;  don't  you  think  it  depends  on 
the — eh — eh — circumstances  ? 

[48] 


BEAU  BRUMMEL 

[She  draws  her  skirt  up  very  slightly  and  strikes  her  leg  with 
her  fan.] 

PRINCE. 

Damme,  Duchess,  you're  right ;  and  that's  just  what  I 
want  to  know  of  Beau  here,  whether  he  thinks  my  legs 
could  stand  'em. 

BEAU. 
Really,  my  dear  fellow,  I'm  no  judge  of  calves. 

[All  laugh.] 

SHERIDAN. 
You  must  appeal  to  the  ladies,  sir. 

MRS.    ST.    AUBYN. 
[Feigning  to  hide  face  with  her  fan.]  No,  no ;  I  object. 

BEAU. 

Mrs.  St.  Aubyn  means  they  are  little  trifles  not  worth 
mentioning. 

PRINCE. 

Now,  I  object.  Besides,  I've  something  else  to  talk 
about.  What  think  you,  Beau,  of  Tuesday  week  for  the 
dance  at  Carlton  House  ? 

[BEAU  rises  very  slowly,  takes  tablet,  looks  it 
over] 

BEAU. 

Tuesday,  Tuesday,  yes,  I  think  I  might  make  Tuesday 
do. 

[PRINCE  rises,  and  evefybody  rises.] 

PRINCE. 

[To  MRS.  ST.  AUBYN.]  You  will  not  forget,  then,  siren, 
the  opening  quadrille  with  me.  May  I  take  you  to  your 
chair? 

[MRS.  ST.  AUBYN  makes  him  a  low  curtsy.] 

[49] 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

MRS.    ST.    AUBYN. 

You  make  me  wish  my  chair  was  at  my  own  door  in 
stead  of  at  Mr.  Brummel's. 

BEAU. 
That's  very  good,  very  good. 

[MRS.  ST.  AUBYN  curtsies  with  a  look  of 
triumph  to  the  DUCHESS.  The  PRINCE  holds 
out  his  hand.  She  places  her  hand  lightly  on 
his,  curtsies  low  to  BEAU,  and  retires  up  to 
the  center  door,  while  the  PRINCE  is  making 
his  adieus,  which  he  does  by  simply  nodding 
to  the  DUCHESS  and  SHERIDAN,  most 
graciously  nodding  to  BEAU,  and  then  takes 
MRS.  ST.  AUBYN' s  hand  again  and  they  go 
off  chattering.] 

DUCHESS. 

[Who  has  witnessed  this  with  ill-concealed  envy.]  Now, 
Mr.  Brummel,  promise  me  you'll  bow  to  me  at  the  play 
to-night.  You  bowed  to  Lady  Farthingale  last  week 
Thursday,  and  she  has  given  herself  airs  ever  since. 

BEAU. 

After  the  play,  Duchess,  after  the  play.  If  I  looked  at 
you  once  during  the  play,  I  could  never  bend  my  attention 
again  to  the  players. 

DUCHESS. 

[With  a  girlish  giggle.] ,  And  that,  Mr.  Brummel,  would 
damn  the  play. 

BEAU. 

Yes,  I  shouldn't  wonder  if  it  did.  It  wouldn't  be  the 
first  play  I've  damned.  [ DUCHESS  curtsies,  SHERIDAN 
bows,  and  they  go  off  at  center  door.  BEAU  takes  up  mem 
orandum  tablet  and  goes  toward  door,  lejt,  reading  as  he 

[50] 


BEAU  BRUMMEL 

goes.]     Let  me  see,  Thursday,  lunch  with  Lord  and  Lady 

Pleasant,  then  on  to  Mrs.  Hearsays — pour  passer  le  temps. 

Dinner  with  the  Dowager  Countess  of  Alimony,  dance  at 

Gordon  House,  then  to  the  Rag,  then  to  the  Raleigh,  then 

to  Vauxhall.  [BEAU  goes  out.] 

[SIMPSON  enters  at  center  door,  showing  in  MR. 

VINCENT.     VINCENT   is   a   stout,   red-faced 

man,    bluff  manner,  dressed  rather   loudly, 

brown  bob-wig,  drops  his  h's.] 

SIMPSON. 
Whom  shall  I  say,  sir  ? 

VINCENT. 

Never  mind  introducing  me.  I'll  introduce  myself — 
tell  him  a  gentleman  wishes  to  see  him  in  answer  to  his 
message;  he'll  understand. 

SIMPSON. 
Yes,  sir. 

[Simpson  goes  out  at  left  door  with  a  look  of 
disdain  at  VINCENT.] 

VINCENT. 

[Who  is  in  a  state  of  great  excitement.]  Well,  am  I  really 
in  the  great  Mr.  Brummel's  house?  I  thought  I'd  show 
my  appreciation  of  the  honor  I  feel  in  Mr.  Brummel's  suit 
for  my  daughter's  'and  by  answering  his  message  in  person. 
But,  really,  now  I'm  'ere,  I'm  not  sure  I've  done  the  right 
thing.  It's  perfectly  absurd,  ridiculous,  but  I'm  slightly 
nervous.  I,  the  most  successful  cloth  merchant  of  the  day- 
unreasonable  !  I  must  appear  at  my  ease  or  I  shall  fail  to 
make  an  impression.  Let  me  see,  what  shall  I  say  when 
he  comes  in?  After  greeting  him  cordially,  but  with 
dignity,  which  is  due  to  my  position,  I'll  tell  him  in  the 
proper  language,  with  a  few  figures  of  speech  to  show  I'm  a 
man  of  some  learning — he's  coming. 


BEAU  BRUMMEL 

[Shows  great  nervousness.  Begins  to  bow  very  low,  moving 
first  on  one  foot,  then  on  the  other,  rubbing 
his  hands  together. ,] 

BEAU. 
[Enters  from  left  door,  tablet  in  hand,  as  he  comes  on  says :] 

Sunday — Sunday ! 

VINCENT. 
He's  coming,  he's  coming! 

BEAU. 

Sunday  after  service,  lunch  with  Lady  Sybilla — Sybilla ! 
She  is  "un  tant  soit  peu  passe"  but  there  was  a  time,  there 
was  a  time,  when  poor  Sybilla  and  I— 

[VINCENT'S  bowings  and  movements  now  attract 
BEAU'S  attention,  and  he  looks  at  him 
through  eye-glass.^ 

BEAU. 

[To  himself.]  Ah,  yes,  the  new  tailor.  [Aloud.]  I  will 
speak  with  you  presently.  I  am  somewhat  occupied  just 
now.  [Resumes  soliloquy.]  Dinner  with  Figgles — silly 
beast,  Figgles,  but  delicious  truffles. 

[VINCENT  has  still  continued  to  bow.] 

BEAU. 

[Looks  at  him  again.]  Would  you  be  so  kind  as  not  to 
wobble  about  in  that  way  ? 

[VINCENT  stops  a  moment.] 

BEAU. 

Thank  you.  [Resumes  soliloquy.]  Then  on  to  Lady 
Ancient's — very  tedious,  but  I  must  go  or  the  poor  woman's 
rooms  would  be  quite  vacant. 

[VINCENT  has  again  resumed  his  bowing  and 
clasping  and  unclasping  his  hands.] 

BEAU. 

[Looks  at  him.]  Did  you  hear  what  I  observed  ?  Would 
you  be  kind  enough  not  to  wobble  about  in  that  way,  and 

[52] 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

please  do  not  wash  your  hands  incessantly  with  imaginary 
soap,  or  chassez  about  in  that  manner  ?  You  have  no  idea 
how  you  distress  me.  [VINCENT  never  stops,  growing  more 
and  more  nervous.}  How  very  extraordinary ;  he  does  not 
seem  to  be  able  to  stop.  Perhaps  he  is  suffering  with  St. 
Vitus's  dance.  I  shall  never  be  able  to  employ  a  person  so 
afflicted.  Well,  I  won't  dismiss  him  at  once.  I'll  turn  my 
back  on  him  so  I  can't  see  him.  [BEAU  turns  his  back  to 
VINCENT.]  Let  me  see,  where  was  I — ah — yes,  Lady 
Ancient's  very  tedious,  but  I  must  go  or  the  poor  woman's 
rooms  will  be  quite  empty,  then  on  to  the  club. 

VINCENT. 
[Very  deprecatingly.]  But,  sir — 

BEAU. 

I'll  speak  with  you  presently.  I  am  somewhat  occupied 
just  now,  and,  although  my  back  is  turned,  I  can  feel  you 
are  wobbling  about.  [To  himself.]  I  think  I  might 
venture  to  play  again  with  my  present  prospects,  Monday 
— Monday 

VINCENT. 

[Who  is  now  getting  restive  and  realizes  he  is  being 
treated  badly.]  But!— 

BEAU. 
Please  do  not  say  "but"  again. 

VINCENT. 

My  lord ! 

BEAU. 
Nothing  so  commonplace. 

VINCENT. 

Sir 

BEAU. 

Very  well,  I  suppose  I  had  better  speak  with  him — the 
sooner  it  is  over  the  better.  You've  come  to  see  me  about 
my  suit,  I  suppose. 

[53] 


BEAU  BRUMMEL 

VINCENT. 

Yes,  the  honor  it  confers  upon  my  daughter  and  my 
self 

BEAU. 
It's  affected  his  head.   Does  your  daughter  sew,  also  ? 

VINCENT. 
[Surprised.]   Oh,  beautifully,  Mr.  Brummel,  but 

BEAU. 

I  must  ask  you  to  omit  your  "buts."  Now  if  you  will 
stand  perfectly  still  for  a  few  moments,  I  will  endeavor  to 
ask  you  one  or  two  questions,  but  you  must  try  to  stand 
still,  and  if  you  try  very  hard  you  may  succeed.  But  do 
try — there's  a  good  man — try,  try,  try  again.  [Aside.] 
I'm  so  sorry  for  him.  He  must  suffer  so.  Well,  I  won't 
look  at  him.  [Turns  away  and  sits  down  at  table.  During 
all  this  time  VINCENT  has  been  bowing,  trying  to  stand 
stilly  but  not  succeeding,  owing  to  his  great  embarrassment.] 
Now,  have  you  any  new  cloths  ? 

VINCENT . 

My  dear  sir,  I  was  not  aware  that  you  were  at  all  inter 
ested  in  cloths. 

[Looks  around  for  a  chair  and  goes  up  to  back 
of  room  to  get  one.] 

BEAU. 
He's  violent — he's  going  to  attack  me. 

VINCENT . 

[Bringing  down  the  chair  near  to  BEAU.]  Yes,  there  are 
some  very  fine  new  cloths.  Now,  if  you'll  allow  me 

BEAU. 

Certainly  not,  sir;  certainly  not.  [Aside.]  Poor  man, 
I  suppose  he  never  waited  upon  any  one  before. 

VINCENT. 
[Can  now  stand  it  no  longer,  rises.]    This  is  too  much. 

[54] 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

'Tis  outrageous.   I'll  not  stand  it,  sir.   I  am  a  gentleman, 
sir. 

BEAU. 
Then  why  don't  you  behave  like  one  ? 

VINCENT. 

I've  come  here 

BEAU. 

Of  course,,  you've  come  here,  that's  very  evident.  You've 
come  in  answer  to  my  message,  haven't  you? 

VINCENT. 
Yes,  sir,  I've  come  in  answer  to  your  message  asking  for 

my  daughter's  'and 

BEAU. 
Your  daughter's  what? 

VINCENT. 
My  daughter's  'and— 

BEAU. 

Your  daughter's  hand  ?  [It  begins  to  dawn  upon  him.] 
I  beg  your  pardon. 

VINCENT. 

I  came  to  accept  your  offer  of  marriage,  but  I've  altered 
my  intention. 

BEAU. 
Dear  me,  you  are 

VINCENT. 
Mr.  Holiver  Vincent,  sir. 

BEAU. 

[Aside.]  And  I  thought  he  was  the  tailor.  [Aloud.]  A 
thousand  apologies ;  won't  you  be  seated  ?  I  was  very  much 
preoccupied.  I  ask  you  a  thousand  pardons — but  [VIN 
CENT  has  begun  to  bow  and  wobble  again]  what  can  you 

[55] 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

expect  if  you  will  wobble  about  in  that  manner,  my  dear 
Sir  Oliver! 

[VINCENT,  indignant,  again  is  soothed  by  title.] 

VINCENT. 

Not  Sir  Holiver  yet.    Mr.  Holiver— Mr.  Holiver  Vin 
cent,  at  your  service. 

BEAU. 

I  only  regret  that  you  did  not  say  so  before. 
[SIMPSON  enters  at  antedoor.] 

SIMPSON. 

Sir,  the  Duke  of  York  sends  word  will  you  be  so  gracious 
as  to  take  mutton  with  him  to-night  ? 

[BEAU  looks  at  VINCENT,  who  looks  pleadingly 
at  him  as  much  as  to  say,  "Dine  with  me."] 

BEAU. 

Send  my  polite  regrets  to  his  Royal  Highness  and  say, 
I  dine  to-night  with  Mr.  Oliver  Vincent. 

[SIMPSON  exits  at  center  door.  BEAU  offers 
his  snuff-box  to  Vincent,  who  takes  a  pinch 
and  snuffs  it  with  a  loud,  disagreeable  noise, 
which  shocks  BEAU  unspeakably,] 


THE   CURTAIN   FALLS   ON   THIS 


THE  SECOND  ACT 


THE  SECOND  ACT 

The  ballroom  at  Carlton  House,  a  large,  stately  room  hung 
in  yellow  damask — yellow  damask  furniture.  On  the 
right,  a  door* leading  into  reception  room.  On  the  left 
are  three  curtained  recesses.  At  the  back  a  large  door 
way  extends  the  whole  width  of  room;  it  is  curtained 
with  yellow  brocade  curtains,  which  are  looped  back, 
showing  a  long  hall  hung  with  mirrors;  it  leads  to 
supper  room. 

On  the  stage,  at  rise  of  curtain,  are  the  PRINCE,  standing 
near  the  center  talking  to  MRS.  ST.  AUBYN.  The 
PRINCE  is  dressed  in  black,  with  the  blue  ribbon  of  the 
Garter;  MRS.  ST.  AUBYN  in  elaborate  evening  dress. 
SHERIDAN,  the  DUCHESS  OF  LEAMINGTON,  LADY 
FARTHINGALE,  LORD  MANLY  and  other  guests  are 
standing  at  back. 

PRINCE  . 

[.4  little  impatiently,  as  though  he  had  been  welcoming 
guests  until  tired.]  Any  one  else,  damme ;  I'm  ready  to 
dance.  [Servant  enters  from  the  door  on  the  right.] 

SERVANT. 
Mr.  Brummel,  Mr.  Oliver  Vincent,  Miss  Vincent. 

[SERVANT  steps  to  one  side  of  door  as  MR. 
BRUMMEL  comes  in  with  MARIANA,  her  hand 

[59] 


BEAU  BRUMMEL 

resting  lightly  on  his.  The  DUCHESS  then  steps  forward 
and  takes  MARIANA'S  hand.  MR.  BRUM 
MEL  steps  back  to  the  side  of  VINCENT,  who 
has  followed  them  on.  The  DUCHESS  leads 
MARIANA  to  the  PRINCE.  While  this  is 
going  on  MRS.  ST.  AUBYN,  who  has  stared  in 
amazement,  says-] 

MRS.    ST.    AUBYN. 

What's  this  presentation  for;  does  it  mean  money  for 
the  Duchess  ?   She  does  not  need  it. 

DUCHESS. 

[As  she  presents  MARIANA.]    Your  Royal  Highness — 
Miss  Vincent.  [Both  curtsy  to  the  PRINCE.] 

PRINCE. 

This  places  me  deeper  than  ever  in  Mr.  Brummel's  debt. 
[The  DUCHESS  and  MARIANA  back  away  and 
retire  to  the  back  of  room,  where  they  are 
joined  by  SHERIDAN.  BEAU  now  advances 
to  the  PRINCE,  closely  followed  by  VINCENT, 
who  is  greatly  excited.} 

BEAU. 

Sir,  I  have  the  honor  to  present  my  friend,  Mr.  Oliver 
Vincent. 

MRS.    ST.   AUBYN. 

[Aside.]  It's  Mr.  Brummel  who  is  at  the  bottom  of  this. 
I  think  I  begin  to  see. 

PRINCE  . 

Mr.  Vincent  ?  Is  this  the  Mr.  Vincent,  of  the  city  ?  For, 
Egad,  sir,  I  am  pleased 

VINCENT. 

[Greatly  embarrassed.]  Your  Highness,  sir,  the  honor  is  all 
mine,  ah,  all  mine,  Your  Highness,  thank  you  for  your 
cordiality,  Your  Highness. 

[60] 


BEAU  BRUMMEL 

[Offers  the  PRINCE  his  hand.  BEAU  quietly  throws  it  up 
and  motions  VINCENT  away  to  the  back, 
covering  his  retreat,  as  it  were,  by  his  own 
self-possession  and  the  look  of  humorous 
appeal  which  he  gives  to  the  PRINCE.] 

MRS.    ST.    AUBYN. 

Your  Royal  Highness,  what  does  Beau  mean  ?  Really, 
sir,  I  think  you  take  too  much  from  him.  They  are  from 
the  city,  these  Vincents ;  you  can  see  its  dust  on  their  feet. 

PRINCE. 

[Chuckling  at  his  own  wit.}  Yes,  damme,  madam ;  but 
it's  gold  dust. 

MRS.    ST.    AUBYN. 

[With  a  slight  smile,  such  as  an  offended  goddess  might 
give.}  Pray,  sir,  let  us  have  the  dance  now. 

[The  PRINCE  ofiers  her  his  hand  and  they  take 
their  places  at  the  head  of  set.  SHERIDAN 
leads  the  DUCHESS  to  one  side.  LORD  MANLY 
leads  LADY  FARTHINGALE  to  the  other.} 

BEAU. 

[To  MARIANA.]  May  I  have  the  delight  of  leading  you 
out  in  the  dance? 

MARIANA. 
I  fear,  Mr.  Brummel,  you  will  find  me  but  a  poor  dancer. 

BEAU. 

I  know  you  dance  well  or  I  should  not  have  asked  you. 

I  have  watched  you.    One  must  always  judge  for  oneself. 

[He  leads  MARIANA  to  the  head,  opposite  the 

PRINCE.     They     dance    an     old-fashioned 

quadrille,  the  end  of  which  is  a  deep  curtsy 

from    the   ladies    and   bow  from    the  men. 

The  PRINCE  then  goes  up  to  center  door  and 

out  through  the  hall  with  MRS.  ST.  AUBYN.] 

[61] 


BEAU  BRUMMEL 

PRINCE  . 

Egad !   Poor  Beau !   Your  charms  have  made  me  false 
to  my  friend. 

MRS.    ST.    AUBYN. 

Ah!    But  I  fear  Your  Royal  Highness  is  fickle,  and 
may  be  false  to  me,  too. 

PRINCE. 
Zounds !  I  could  only  be  that  by  being  false  to  myself. 

[They  are  now  out  of  sight.  The  DUCHESS  had 
joined  BEAU  and  MARIANA,  and  LADY 
FARTHINGALE,  LORD  MANLY.  The  two 
latter  now  curtsy  and  bow  and  exit  through 
center  door  and  go  down  the  hall.] 

DUCHESS. 

I  really  think  it  gives  one  more  eclat  to  dance  with  Mr. 
Brummel  than  to  dance  with  the  Prince. 

BEAU. 
[Quite  sincerely.]  I  really  think  it  does. 

[The  DUCHESS  and  MR.  SHERIDAN  then  bow 
and  also  go  out  at  center  door,  meeting  VIN 
CENT,  who  bows  to  them  in  a  most  exag 
gerated  way  and  then  comes  down  toward 
the  BEAU  and  MARIANA.  BEAU  bows  in 
courtly  fashion  and  also  goes  out  through 
center  door,  so  VINCENT  and  MARIANA  are 
left  alone.  MARIANA  is  a  charming  type  of 
a  young  English  girl,  dressed  in  white,  her 
hair  in  soft  ringlets,  with  a  wreath  of  tiny 
rosebuds.] 

VINCENT. 

This  is  the  proudest  moment  of  my  life !  He  had  heard 
of  me;  he  recognized  me  at  once,  Mariana. 

[621 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

MARIANA. 

[Quizzically.]  Of  course,  papa,  he  had  read  your  name 
on  his  buttons. 

VINCENT. 

You  are  mistaken,  my  dear ;  I  am  not  a  tailor,  I  am  a 
cloth  merchant.  Did  you  notice  how  cordial  His  Royal 
Highness  was?  [Regretfully.]  I  was  too  stiff  with  him, 
much  too  stiff,  but  Mr.  Brummel  would  have  it  so. 

MARIANA. 

[Still  trying  to  make  a  jest  of  it.]  Quite  right,  papa ;  you 
needed  your  dignity  and  His  Royal  Highness  did  not. 

VINCENT. 

Think,  Mariana,  what  a  difference  to-day  from  yester 
day.  Yesterday  I  was  Vincent,  of  the  City — to-night,  I 
am  Vincent,  of  the  Court.  It  is  a  proud  position,  my  dear ; 
think  of  it,  Holiver  Vincent,  the  Prince's  friend !  No  more 
"The  Hoak,  the  Hash,  and  the  Bonny  Hivy  Tree." 
No  more  "A  Weary  Lot  Is  Thine,  Fair  Maid."  [Imitates 
the  playing  of  a  piano.]  No  more  going  to  sleep  after  din 
ner.  No,  my  dear,  we'll  read  our  names  every  morning, 
several  times  over,  in  the  Court  Journal.  It'll  be  a  staggerer 
for  your  Aunt  Jane  at  'Oundsditch. 

MARIANA. 

[Sadly.]  I  think,  for  my  part,  we  are  very  well  as  we  are, 
and  very  happy.  And  I  like  the  old  songs,  and  I  like  my 
old  father  just  as  he  is. 

VINCENT. 

Pooh !  My  child,  I  am  ambitious  and  if  you  marry  the 
Beau,  in  a  year  from  now,  I  may  wear  a  coronet — a 
coronet. 

[Makes  a  gesture  as  though  placing  a  coronet 
on  head.] 

MARIANA. 
Uneasy  lies  the  head  that  wears  a  crown,  papa,  and  how 

[63] 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

much  are  you  going  to  give  for  the  coronet  ?  Anybody  can 
buy  one  nowadays.  Give  your  money  for  it  by  all  means — 
but  not  your  daughter's  happiness. 

[Crossing  and  going  up  toward  center  as  though 
to  end  the  discussion.] 

VINCENT. 

[Follows  her  and  speaks  pleadingly.]  Mariana,  I  have 
been  a  kind  father  to  you.  My  heart  is  set  upon  the  accom 
plishment  of  this  thing.  You  have  ever  been  a  dutiful 
child. 

MARIANA. 

[Turning  quickly.]  And  you  shall  ever  find  me  so.  But 
I  hold,  papa,  that  a  woman's  heart  alone  should  guide  a 
woman's  choice. 

VINCENT. 
[Turns  away  vexed.]  Yes,  I  know — but 

MARIANA. 

Still,  my  affection  for  you  shall  largely  influence  my 
decision.  Go,  my  ambitious  father.  [Goes  to  him  and  puts 
her  hands  on  his  shoulders.]  I  will  see  what  I  can  do  to  win 
the  coronet  for  your  head. 

VINCENT . 

[Delightedly  kisses  her  forehead.]    That's  a  good  child. 
[He  goes  up  and  out  through  center  door.] 

MARIANA. 

If  I  can  only  tear  the  arrow  from  my  heart.  [Walks 
slowly  up  and  down.]  No  dream  of  greatness,  no  wish  even 
of  my  father's,  should  for  one  instant  weaken  my  devotion 
to  Reginald  if  I  could  believe  him  true  to  me.  But  he  has 
ceased  to  write;  I  hear  of  him  only  in  social  dissipation. 
He  is  gay  and  merry,  and  Mariana  is  forgotten.  Since  I 
cannot  be  happy,  there  is  only  my  dear  old  father  to  be 
pleased.  And  yet — and  yet 

[64] 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

[Star Is  and  turns  as  BEAU,  the  DUCHESS  and  MR.  VIN 
CENT  enter  from  the  center  door.} 

DUCHESS. 

[As  she  comes  gaily  down.}  Ma  mie,  you  are  very 
fortunate,  I  vow— you  will  be  the  talk  of  the  town  to 
morrow — to  have  pirouetted  with  our  Beau  here.  'Tis  no 
small  favor  I  assure  you — and  one  his  Beauship  has  never 
yet  bestowed  upon  his  doting  Duchess — you  naughty, 
naughty  Beau.  [Shakes  her  fan  at  BEAU.]  And  I  must  say, 
ma  mie,  you  comported  yourself  right  well,  right  limber 
and  nimbly  for  a  debutante.  Though  I  am  no  bad  execu- 
tante  on  the  tips  of  my  toes  myself,  i'  faith. 

[Gives  a  little  pas  seul.} 
BEAU. 

[Putting  up  glasses  and  looking  at  her  critically.}  Ah, 
Duchess,  all  you  need  is  a  ballet  skirt  and  a  tambourine. 
But,  Egad,  we  forgot  the  Prince — the  Merchant  Prince— 
we  have  just  left  the  title.  Permit  me,  my  dear  Duchess,  to 
present  to  you  the  money.  Mr.  Oliver  Vincent — Her 
Grace,  the  Duchess  of  Leamington. 

DUCHESS. 

[As  she  curtsies  to  VINCENT,  who  bows  very  low.]  Deuce 
take  me,  Mr.  Brummel,  have  you  ever  known  me  to  refuse 
a  presentation  to  money  ? 

BEAU. 

No,  my  dear  Duchess,  and  I  have  known  you  to  become 
very  familiar  with  it  at  the  card-table  without  even  a 
formal  introduction. 

DUCHESS. 
Beau,  I  vow  you're  a  brute. 

[She  crosses  to  VINCENT  and  they  go  up  a  little.} 

BEAU. 

[Crossing  to  MARIANA.]  You  hear  that,  Mariana.  I  am 
a  brute,  His  true,  and  I  am  looking  forward  to  a  con- 

[6S] 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

junction  of  Beauty  and  the  Beast.  [Turning  lo  the 
DUCHESS.]  Duchess,  shall  Sir  Money  conduct  you  to  the 
card -room  ? 

DUCHESS. 

[Smiling  at  Vincent.}  With  pleasure,  if  he'll  stay  there 
with  me. 

BEAU. 

No  fear  of  that,  for  your  Grace  is  sure  to  put  him  in 
your  pocket. 

DUCHESS. 

Incorrigible !  Come,  Mr.  Vincent,  your  arm,  your  arm ; 
fore  Gad,  we  are  routed. 

[Takes  VINCENT'S  arm,  they  turn  to  go.] 

BEAU. 

[Stopping  them.]  One  moment,  my  dear  Vincent.  [BEAU 
bows  to  DUCHESS,  who  joins  MARIANA,  and  they  stand 
talking,  while  BEAU  speaks  to  VINCENT.]  My  valet  has 
neglected  placing  my  purse  in  my  pocket,  and  I  am  going 
to  allow  you  the  privilege  of  lending  me  five  hundred 
guineas  before  you  run  away  with  the  Duchess. 

VINCENT. 

[Heartily.]  Certainly,  my  dear  Mr.  Brummel,  certainly, 
sir,  take  ten [Puts  his  hand  in  his  pocket.] 

BEAU. 

[With  a  look  of  horror.]  Not  here,  my  good  sir,  not  here — 
in  the  card-room. 

VINCENT. 

[Going  up  to  the  DUCHESS.]  My  arm,  madam,  my  purse 
and  myself  are  entirely  at  your  service. 

DUCHESS. 

[Taking  his  arm.]  I  only  need  one  of  them;  but  come, 
come,  I  see  you  are  quite  a  courtier.  Au  revoir,  Beau. 
[To  Mariana,  as  she  waves  her  a  kiss.]  Ma  chere  I 

[66] 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

[Curtsies  to  the  BEAU,  waves  her  hand  airily  to  MARIANA 
and  goes  off  with  VINCENT.] 

BEAU. 
Your  most  humble  and  devoted  slave,  Duchess. 

MARIANA. 
You  do  not  follow  the  cards,  Mr.  Brummel  ? 

BEAU. 
They  are  too  fickle ;  I  am  always  unlucky. 

MARIANA. 
Unlucky  at  cards,  lucky  in  love— 

[Stops  abruptly,  vexed  that  she  has  mentioned 
the  word  love.} 

BEAU. 
That  is  why  I  am  here. 

MARIANA. 

[A  little  coquettishly.]   Well,  what  sort  of  a  hand  shall  I 
deal  you  ? 

BEAU. 
[With  great  meaning.]   Yours ! 

MARIANA. 
[With  equal  meaning.]   Are  diamonds  trumps? 

BEAU. 

[Reproachfully.]    No.    Hearts! 

MARIANA. 
[Lightly.]  I  haven't  one  in  the  pack. 

BEAU. 
Nay,  but  you  deal  your  cards  badly. 

MARIANA. 

That  is  because  I  have  chosen  Nature,  not  Art,  to  be 
my  mistress. 

[67! 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

BEAU. 

By  my  manners!  I've  a  mind  to  bring  Dame  Nature 
into  fashion  again. 

MARIANA. 
Then  there's  not  a  woman  here  could  show  her  face. 

BEAU. 
But  you.   And  if  you  would  deign  to  be  seen  always  on 

my  arm 

MARIANA. 

Mercy!  Mr.  Brummel,  I  fear  you  would  wear  me  as 
you  do  your  coat,  and  throw  me  aside  when  I'm  wrinkled. 

BEAU. 

[With  a  shudder.]  Don't  mention  wrinkles ;  they  give  me 
the  jaundice. 

MARIANA. 

[Seriously.]  I  cannot  but  remember  that  only  one  short 
week  ago  every  bench  in  the  Mall,  every  lady's  tea-table, 
every  entr'acte  of  the  play  was  the  occasion  for  reportings 
of  Mr.  Brummel's  fancy  for  the  Hon.  Mrs.  St.  Aubyn. 

BEAU. 

You  cannot  imagine  I  have  not  favored  some  woman 
more  than  others.  Mrs.  St.  Aubyn  was  clever  and  amused 
me.  We  passed  our  time  in  laughter,  not  in  loving. 

[MRS.  ST.  AUBYN,  who  has  entered  at  back, 
hears  this  last  remark.] 

MRS.    ST.   AUBYN. 
I  fear  I  am  malapropos,  but  I  will  be  deaf  and  blind. 

[She  comes  down  the  center,  while  there  also 
enters  at  center  door  VINCENT,  SHERIDAN, 
LADY  FARTHINGALE  and  the  DUCHESS.] 

MARIANA  . 

It  would  be  a  pity,  madam,  to  destroy  two  faculties 
which  serve  you  to  such  good  purpose. 

[68] 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

[Crosses  and  passes  MRS.  ST.  AUBYN  with  a  slight  bend 
oj  her  head  and  joins  VINCENT.] 

BEAU. 

Oh,  that's  very  good.  [To  MRS.  ST.  AUBYN  as  he  crosses 
to  her.]  Don't  you  think  that's  very  good  ? 

{They  stand  together,  apparently  talking,  MRS. 
ST.  AUBYN  very  angrily.] 

VINCENT. 

[To  MARIANA.]  A  most  bewitching  woman  that,  but 
I'm  sorry  she  would  insist  upon  hunting  Mr.  Brummel, 
for  I  knew  you  wouldn't  want  to  be  interrupted.  I  did 
all  I  could  with  politeness.  I  took  her  to  every  other  room 
before  this. 

[MARIANA  and  VINCENT  go  out  at  center  door, 
as  LORD  MANLY  comes  rushing  on,  almost 
running  into  them.] 

LORD   MANLY. 

[He  is  a  fop  of  the  period,  and  quite  a  little  the  worse  for 
drink.}  My  dear  Beau !  My  dear  Beau !  [A  little  louder. 
BEAU  pays  no  attention  to  him.]  My  dear  Beau!  [Still 
louder.  BEAU  finally  looks  at  him.]  Lord  Crawlings  is 
cheating  at  the  card-table.  It  is  a  fact.  He  has  cards  up 
his  sleeve.  What  shall  I  do  ? 

BEAU. 

Cheating  at  the  card-table? 

LORD   MANLY. 
Yes;  he  has  cards  up  his  sleeve. 

BEAU. 
[Thoughtfully.]  Cards  up  his  sleeve! 

LORD  MANLY. 
Yes.    What  shall  I  do? 

BEAU. 
Well,  if  he  has  cards  up  his  sleeve,  bet  on  him. 

[69] 


BEAU  BRUMMEL 

LORD    MANLY. 
[With  a  blank  stare.]   Oh— thank  you. 

[He  joins  LADY  FARTHINGALE  and  offers  her  a 
chair,  which  she  refusing,  they  stand  con 
versing  with  other  guests.] 

LADY   FARTHINGALE. 

If  Mr.  Brummel  marries  Miss  Vincent  he'li  have  no 
more  difficulty  in  paying  for  his  clothes,  though  I  hear 
he's  sadly  in  debt  now. 

SHERIDAN. 

Poor  Beau!  He  will  never  be  able  to  forget  the  old 
gentleman's  cloth;  it  will  be  like  riding  to  wealth  on  a 
clothes-horse. 

DUCHESS. 

[Who  has  been  looking  down  the  hall.}  Lord,  Mr. 
Sheridan !  They  are  starting  for  supper.  You  can  do  as 
you  please,  but  I  want  an  oyster. 

[SHERIDAN  and  DUCHESS  go  off  at  center  door, 
followed  by  LADY  FARTHINGALE,  LORD 
MANLY  and  other  guests.] 

MRS.    ST.    AUBYN. 

[To  BEAU,  who  was  starting  to  go.]  I  insist  upon  a  few 
words  with  you. 

BEAU. 
Your  wishes  are  my  commands. 

[He  is  now  standing  in  the  door  center  so  he 
can  look  down  the  hall.  MRS.  ST.  AUBYN 
is  walking  angrily  back  and  forth.] 

MRS.     ST.     AUBYN. 

I  found  myself  quite  de  trop  when  I  entered  the  room  a 
few  minutes  ago. 

BEAU. 
You  speak  of  impossibilities. 

1 70] 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

MRS.    ST.    AUBYN. 
Pray,  spare  me ;  I  overheard  your  last  speech. 

BEAU. 
You  mean  you  listened  to  what  I  said. 

MRS.    ST.    AUBYN. 
Well,  if  I  did — I  begin  to  see  through  you  now. 

BEAU. 

Happy  me ! 

MRS.   ST.   AUBYN. 

Did  you  think  me  blind  when  you  presented  these 
Vincents  to  the  Prince? 

BEAU. 

[Bowing  to  some  imaginary  guests  down  the  hall.]  How 
do  you  do  ?  Who  could  think  those  eyes  blind  ? 

MRS.    ST.   AUBYN. 

You  presented  me  to  the  Prince,  not  for  my  own  sake, 
but  for  yours.  'Twas  a  pleasant  way  to  be  rid  of  me. 

BEAU. 

No  way  with  such  a  destination  could  possibly  be 
pleasant. 

MRS.    ST.    AUBYN. 

You  have  puffed  the  Prince  with  the  conceit  that  he  is 
driving  you  out  of  my  affections  against  your  will.  Suppose 
he  were  to  know  the  truth? 

BEAU. 

Royal  personages  are  so  rarely  told  the  truth  that  if  he 

did  hear  it  he  would  not  recognize  it.    How  do  you  do! 

[Again  bowing  to  some  imaginary  person.] 

MRS.   ST.   AUBYN. 

What  would  become  of  his  friendship  for  you,  do  you 
think,  and  what  would  you  do  without  it? 

[71] 


BEAU  BRUMMEL 

BEAU. 
He  would  have  my  sincere  sympathy. 

MRS.    ST.    AUBYN. 
Suppose  I  were  to  inform  him  ? 

BEAU. 

[Again  bowing.]  How  do  you  do,  my  dear  Lady  Betty; 
how  do  you  do  ?  Yes,  presently— with  great  pleasure— h'm! 
[Turning  and  apparently  paying  attention  to  MRS.  ST. 
AUBYN  for  the  first  time.]  My  dear  Horatia  would  not  be 
so  foolish  as  to  ruin  herself.  Would  the  Prince,  do  you 
think,  still  care  for  you  if  he  thought  I  no  longer  admired 
you  ?  He  affects  you  now  for  the  same  reason  he  wears 
my  coats,  because  I  have  made  you  as  I  made  them— 
the  Fashion. 

MRS.    ST.    AUBYN. 

[Triumphantly.]  But  there's  something  that  binds  one 
faster  to  a  man  than  the  button  of  a  coat.  There  is,  my 
dear  Beau,  such  a  thing  as  marriage. 

BEAU. 

Oh,  yes,  to  be  sure!  There,  my  dear  madam,  I  bow  to 
your  vast  experience,  [MRS.  ST.  AUBYN  makes  an  impatient 
movement]  but  when  it  comes  to  a  question  of.  the  Prince's 
wedding  coat,  I  fear  you  will  find  the  buttons  are  sewed 
on  with  a  very  light  thread. 

MRS.    ST.   AUBYN. 

There  you  are  wrong.  You  seem  to  forget,  my  dear 
Beau,  that  the  Prince  already  dotes  on  me.  We  are  both 
playing  a  little  game— you  and  I— but  I  am  persuaded  I 
shall  win,  for  I  stake  on  a  heart. 

[Sweeps  past  BEAU  with  a  superb  gesture, 
toward  the  left.] 

BEAU. 

[Very  quietly.]  Your  fortune  will  turn,  for  you  stake  on 
a  knave. 

[72] 


BEAU  BRUMMEL 

MRS.    ST.   AUBYN. 

What  will  take  my  knave  when  the  king  is  out  of  the 
pack? 

B  EAU. 
Why,  then,  I  think  a  queen  might  turn  up. 

[Before  MRS.  ST.  AUBYN  can  crush  him  with 
the  reply  that  is  on  her  lips  VINCENT  enters.] 

V  i  N  c  E  N  T  . 

Ah,  'ere  you  are,  my  dear  Mr.  Brummel ;  you  are  losing 
your  supper  and  Mrs.  St.  Aubyn,  too,  is  depriving  the 
feast  of  its  most  brilliant  hornament. 

BEAU. 

Yes,  truly,  it  is  too  selfish  of  Mrs.  St.  Aubyn.  Mr. 
Vincent,  Mrs.  St.  Aubyn  must  permit  you  to  conduct  her 
to  the  supper  room. 

MRS.    ST.   AUBYN. 

[Sarcastically.]  Surely,  Mr.  Vincent  did  not  do  me  the 
honor  of  leaving  the  table  to  search  me  out. 

VINCENT. 

Fore  Gad,  madam,  though  I  did  see  a  vacant  seat  next 
His  Royal  Highness,  in  truth  I  came  to  look  for  my 
daughter. 

BEAU. 

Mrs.  St.  Aubyn  will  hardly  permit  the  chair  which 
awaits  her  next  to  the  Prince  to  remain  vacant.  [Takes 
MRS.  ST.  AUBYN' s  hand  and  hands  her  with  great  "em- 
pressement"  to  VINCENT.]  Meanwhile,  Mr.  Vincent,  I  will 
go  through  the  rooms  for  your  daughter. 

[MRS.  ST.  AUBYN  stops,  gives  BEAU  a  look,  is 
about  to  make  a  scene,  then  thinks  better  of 
it  and  lets  VINCENT  lead  her  from  the  room.] 

BEAU. 
You  amused  me  once,  but  you  do  so  no  longer.    No, 

[73] 


BEAU  BRUMMEL 

you're  clever;  yes,  you  are  clever,  and  you  dress  to  per 
fection,  but  Mariana  has  all  your  charms  and  more — a 
heart.  Horatia  St.  Aubyn,  your  day  in  the  world  is  waning ; 
Mariana's  reign  begins.  I  will  go  and  inform  her  so.  She 
cannot  be  insensible  to  my  regard,  to  my  love,  for,  strange 
to  say,  I  begin  to  think  I  do  love  her.  Yes,  I  believe  I  do. 
{Quite  seriously.]  And  I  think  I  love  her  madly— yes,  I 
do,  I  love  her  madly. 

[Stands  jor  a  moment  in  deep  thought,  then 
walks  slowly  off  through  center  door  down 
the  hall.  MARIANA  enters  from  door  down 
right  from  reception  room.  She  has  a  note 
in  her  hand.} 

MARIANA. 

Kathleen  has  conveyed  to  me  my  own  letter  to  Reginald 
unopened.  She  says  he  has  left  his  lodgings,  and  his  land 
lady  does  not  know  when  he  will  return.  I  am  afraid  men 
are  not  what  they  are  represented  to  be. 

[Sits  down  in  chair  near  the  door  at  right. 
LORD  MANLY  comes  on  through  hall 
and  center  door.  He  is  slightly  intoxicated.] 

LORD   MANLY. 
Ah !  Miss  Vincent !    What  happiness. 

MARIANA. 
[Annoyed.]  Here's  another! 

LORD   MANLY. 
Won't  you  drink  something?  I  mean  eat  something? 

MARIANA. 

[Not  looking  at  him.]  Thank  you,  I  care  for  nothing ! 
There  can  be  no  mistake;  Kathleen  vowed  she  delivered 
the  letters. 

LORD   MANLY. 

You  won't  eat,  and  you  won't  drink — most  'straordinary ! 
What  will  you  do  ? 

[74] 


*'  7  begin  to  think  I  do  love  her.     Yes,  I  believe  I  do— and  1  think 
I  love  her  madly — yes,  I  do,  I  love  her  madly." 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

MARIANA. 

I  will  dispense  with  your  society,  sir.  [As  she  rises,  she 
looks  at  him.]  I  do  believe  he  is  intoxicated. 

LORD   MANLY. 

She's  coy !  She's  coy !  No,  fair  creature,  I  have  follolled— 
follolled— I  have  follolled— most  'straordinary  I  can't  say 
follolled— I  have  follolled  you  from  room  to  room  to  find 

you. 

MARIANA. 
And  having  found  me,  you  may  leave  me,  sir! 

LORD   MANLY. 

Leave  you !  Never !  Never  will  I  stir  from  this  sacred 
spot.  [In  his  endeavor  to  stand  quite  still,  staggers  and 
almost  falls  over.]  I  mean  the  sacred  spot  where  you  are. 
Miss  Vincent,  I  adore  you !  Fact.  All  you  do,  I  see 
through  rosy-colored  glasses. 

MARIANA. 
Wine-colored  glasses  you  mean,  sir.  Let  me  pass ! 

LORD   MANLY. 

No,  fair  tantalizer.  [Nods  his  head  with  great  satis 
faction.]  Good  word — tantalizer.  I  will  speak ;  my  heart  is 

full. 

MARIANA. 
There  can  be  no  doubt  about  the  fulness. 

LORD   MANLY. 

Here  on  my  knees  [looks  at  knees] — Egad,  look  at  my 
knees.  I  have  four  knees  instead  of  two  knees— but,  no 
matter— here  on  all  my  knees  [kneels,  almost  falling]  I 
will  pour  out— 

MARIANA. 
More  liquor,  sir.   You  do  not  need  it. 

LORD   MANLY. 

You  cannot  ignore  me,  my  love,  my  passion,  my 
adorashion — I  mean  adoration,  Miss  Vincent — I— 

[75] 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

[BEAU  has  come  on  through  center  door.  Unperceived  he 
comes  down,  takes  LORD  MANLY  by  the  ear, 
making  him  rise  and  stagger  back.] 

BEAU. 

My  dear  Miss  Vincent,  how  unfortunately  unconven 
tional. 

LORD   MANLY. 
Mr.  Brummel,  sir,  you  are  no  gentleman. 

BEAU. 
My  good  fellow,  you  are  no  judge. 

LORD   MANLY. 
My  honor,  sir,  my  honor ! 

BEAU. 

Fiddlesticks !  Come  trot  away,  trot  away.  You  may 
apologize  to  Miss  Vincent  to-morrow. 

LORD   MANLY. 
You  apologize  to  me  now,  sir. 

BEAU. 

I  never  had  occasion  to  do  such  a  thing  in  my  life. 
[Walks  up  and  looks  off  down  the  hall.]  Now  trot  away;  I 
think  I  see  the  Prince  approaching. 

LORD   MANLY. 

Proach  aprincing! — I  mean  Prince  approaching.  Miss 
Vincent,  it  is  with  deep  regret  I  say  adieu ! 

[He  stumbles  to  door  at  right  and  goes  off.] 

BEAU. 

[Coming  down  and  offering  MARIANA  a  chair.  She  sits.] 
I  heartily  congratulate  you,  my  dear  Miss  Vincent,  on 
having  escaped  a  scene.  Nothing  but  the  regard  I  bear 
you  could  have  persuaded  me  to  so  nearly  incur  a  possible 
fracas.  Lord  Manly  was  born  with  a  silver  spoon  in  his 
mouth,  and  he  has  thought  it  necessary  to  keep  that  spoon 

[76] 


"  /  begin  to  believe  in  you.'1'1 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

full  ever  since.  But  now  that  we  have  found  one  another, 
may  I  not  be  permitted  to  continue  the  conversation  where 
it  was  broken  off  ?  I  desire  to  speak  with  you  seriously.  I 
wish  to  make  a  confession.  I  want  to  tell  you  what  perhaps 
you  know — when  I  first  sought  your  hand,  I  did  not  bring 
my  heart.  I  admired  you,  'tis  true,  but  I  did  not  love  you— 
not  then — not  madly!  I  was — I  am  so  deeply  in  debt, 
so  hemmed  in  by  my  creditors,  so  hard  pressed  on  every 
side,  it  was  necessary  for  me  to  do  something  to  find  the 
wherewithal  to  satisfy  their  just  demands,  or  sink  under 
my  misfortunes  and  give  up  forever  the  life  of  the  world 
which  had  become  my  very  breath  and  being.  The  one 
means  at  my  disposal  to  free  myself  from  my  difficulties 
was  a  marriage.  I  knew  your  fortune  and  I  sought  you 
out.  The  admiration  I  entertained  for  you  the  first  few 
days  deepened  into  esteem  and  finally  expanded  into 
love — mac[  iove  t  That  is  why  I  have  rehearsed  this  to  you. 
At  first  it  was  your  fortune  which  allured  me — but  now  it 
is  yourself ! 

MARIANA. 

Mr.  Brummel! 

BEAU. 

Yet,  were  you  penniless  I  would  not  wed  you. 

MARIANA. 
[Rising  in  astonishment.]    Mr.  Brummel! 

BEAU. 

Because  I  would  not  drag  you  down  to  share  this  miser 
able,  uncertain  lot  of  mine.  No !  I  would  seek  you  once 
to  tell  you  of  my  love,  and  then  step  aside  out  of  your  path, 
and  never  cross  it  again.  I  would  not  willingly,  purposely 
encompass  your  unhappiness. 

MARIANA. 
[Slowly.]  I  begin  to  believe  in  you. 

[77] 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

BEAU. 

I  remember  no  other  word  that  you  have  spoken.  May 
I  have  the  delight  of  pressing  my  very  unworthy  lips  to 
your  very  dear  hand  ? 

[MARIANA  is  about  to  give  BEAU  her  hand, 
then  suddenly  withdraws  it.} 

MARIANA. 
I  think,  Mr.  Brummel,  I  would  rather  you  did  not. 

BEAU. 

[Thoughtfully.]  I  believe  you  are  right.  Yes,  I  am  quite 
sure  you  are.  Thank  you.  You  have  saved  me  from  doing 
something  very  commonplace. 

MARIANA. 
You  are  not  angry,  sir? 

BEAU. 

I  believe  it  is  exactly  fifteen  years  since  I  last  lost  my 
temper — but,  Mariana,  I  still  await  your  answer.  It  is  a 
new  sensation  for  Brummel  te  be  kept  waiting. 

MARIANA. 

Will  you  leave  me,  sir,  to  consider  my  decision  ?  I  pray 
you,  Mr.  Brummel,  give  me  a  few  moments  here — alone. 
[She  motions  toward  recess  farthest  down  stage 
and  crosses  toward  it.] 

BEAU. 

I  would  refuse  you  nothing.  I  will  await  your  pleasure 
in  this  other  recess,  and  seek  you  here  in  five  slow 
minutes. 

[He  motions  toward  the  recess  the  farthest  up 
stage  and  with  a  low  bow  to  MARIANA 
goes  in  and  draws  the  curtain.] 

MARIANA. 

[Stands  holding  the  curtain  which  closes  the  recess  where 

[78] 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

she  is  standing.]  I  cannot  bring  myself  to  say  yes  to  him, 
although  a  certain  sympathy  pleads  in  his  behalf,  and  joins 
with  pride  to  prompt  me  against  Reginald,  who  has  neg 
lected  me.  Why  has  he  not  replied  to  my  letters  ?  'Tis  very 
soon  to  be  forgotten!  Oh,  Reginald,  to  be  absent  when 
most  I  needed  you.  You  are  no  better  than  the  men  of  the 
world.  Father  is  right.  Mr.  Brummel  shall  have  his 
answer.  [The  PRINCE  and  MRS.  ST.  AUBYN  enter  at 
center  door,  so  much  engrossed  in  each  other  they  do  not 
see  MARIANA.]  Oh,  how  provoking! 

[MARIANA  hides  in  recess  and  draws  the  curtain.} 

BEAU. 

[Who  has  also  looked  out  at  that  moment.]  How  very 
annoying !  I  shall  have  to  play  Patience  on  a  window-seat 
and  wait. 

MRS.    ST.    AUBYN. 

Yes.  I  must  own  to  you  my  sentiments  toward  Mr. 
Brummel  are  greatly  altered.  Until  I  met  you — can  you 
believe  it  ? — I  positively  thought  him  a  man  of  some  parts. 

BEAU. 
[From  the  window.]   Really,  really ! 

PRINCE. 

Goddess!  Of  course,  he  has  been  much  with  me,  and 
naturally  smacks  somewhat  of  my  wit. 

BEAU. 

Ah,  that's  very  good !  Very  good ! 

MRS.    ST.    AUBYN. 

But  only  as  a  false  echo  does,  for  he  has  none  of  your 
delicate  pleasantry. 

BEAU. 
No,  thank  goodness,  I  haven't. 

MRS.   ST.   AUBYN. 

He  mimics  you  in  dress,  in  everything,  but,  then,  you 
know,  he  never  had  your  figure. 

[79] 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

[The  PRINCE  and  MRS.   ST.  AUBYN  go  toward  middle 
recess  and  seat  themselves.] 

BEAU. 
Heaven  forbid ! 

MRS.    ST.   AUBYN. 
He  really  has  no  taste. 

PRINCE. 

He  showed  that  when  he  chose  Miss  Vincent  for  his 
marked  attention. 

MRS.    ST.   AUBYN. 

And  do  you  think  so,  too  ?  Why,  I  know  Miss  Vincent 
is  an  insignificant  little  thing,  whose  name  has  never  been 
associated  with  any  gentleman  of  quality,  but  though  with 
out  mind  or  manners,  she  has  money,  sir.  She  dresses 
like  a  guy,  but  her  clothes,  like  the  clouds,  have  a  silver 
lining. 

MARIANA. 

[With  a  hasty  look  out  of  the  curtain.]  I  wish  I  could 
escape  by  the  window. 

BEAU. 

I've  half  a  mind  to  crawl  out  of  the  window,  but  I  might 
be  observed.  There's  no  resource  but  to  try  to  go  asleep. 

PRINCE. 

You  are  a  flatterer  and  a  coquette. 

MRS.   ST.   AUBYN. 
No ;  only  a  woman — and  under  a  spell. 

PRINCE. 
Damme,  that  sounds  very  fine.   I  should  like 

MRS.   ST.   AUBYN. 
Well? 

PRINCE. 

I  should  like  to  be  one  of  those  little  words  that  kiss 
your  lips  and  die. 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

BEAU. 
One  of  my  pet  speeches — number  five 

MRS.    ST.    AUBYN. 

Beware,  sir,  let  me  warn  you — remember,  I  have  been 
married  once  already. 

PRINCE. 
Fore  Gad,  madam,  I  wish  that  you  would  marry  twice. 

MRS.    ST.    AUBYN. 

Never!  Now!  To  be  sure,  I  once  thought  there  was 
something  like  love  engendered  in  me  by  Mr.  Brummel, 
but  now  I  know  it  was  not  real  love ;  it  was  only  a  shadow. 

PRINCE. 
Why  do  you  think  that  ? 

[At  this  moment  VINCENT  enters  from  the  center 
door.  All  the  curtains  of  the  different  windows 
are  drawn  so  he  can  see  no  one.] 

VINCENT. 

I  cannot  keep  away  any  longer;  she's  been  sensible  and 
accepted  him,  or  they'd  have  been  gone  long  before  this. 
[MRS.  ST.  AUBYN  moves  the  curtain  a  little,  with  a  slight 
exclamation.]  There  they  are  in  the  recess  behind  the 
curtain.  Oh,  he's  clever — Mr.  Brummel — very  clever. 

MRS.    ST.     AUBYN. 

I  tremble  to  acknowledge,  even  to  myself,  the  dictates 
of  my  own  heart.  Ah,  sir,  I  conceive  you  know  only  too 
well  who  reigns  there  now. 

VINCENT. 

[Who  apparently  cannot  hear.]  I  should  just  like  to  hear 
a  word  to  see  how  the  great  Mr.  Brummel  makes  love.  I 
wonder  would  it  be  wrong  now  to  listen  a  bit?  Why 
should  it  be — am  I  not  her  father?  It's  my  duty,  and  I 
will.  [Comes  further  down  and  listens.] 

[81] 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

PRINCE. 

Siren !  You  make  me  drunk  with  joy ! 

MRS.     ST.    AUBYN. 

No;  let  me  recover  myself.  You  have  bewitched  me, 
sir.  I  must  resist  your  fascinations  and  not  forget  the 
difference  in  our  rank.  Fashion  would  condemn  me. 

PRINCE. 
Damn  Fashion ! 

VINCENT. 

Oh !  Mr.  Brummel  a-damning  Fashion.  How  he  loves 
her!  How  he  loves  her. 

MRS.     ST.     AUBYN. 
Ah !  sir,  we  women  are  so  frail,  so  easily  beguiled ! 

PRINCE. 
[Falling  on  his  knees.]    By  heaven,  I  will  not  lose  you ! 

VINCENT. 
[Joyfully.]  He's  on  his  knees!   He's  on  his  knees! 

PRINCE. 

Superb!   sumptuous!   beautiful  woman! 

[Kisses  her  hand.] 
VINCENT. 
He's  kissing  her !   He's  kissing  her! 

PRINCE. 
I  swear  I  will  marry  you ! 

VINCENT. 

[Who  can  restrain  himself  no  longer,  rushes  forward  and 
draws  curtain  aside.]  And  so  you  shall !  Bless  you  my — 
[Sees  the  PRINCE  and  MRS.  ST.  AUBYN.     Falls  back.]  Oh, 
Lord!   The  Prince! 

[All  guests  enter  at  center  door.] 

PRINCE. 
[Rising,  indignantly.]    What  do  you  mean,  sir.    Con- 

[82] 


Wales,  will  you  ring  the  bell  ? 


BEAU  BRUMMEL 

found  your   damned   impudence.     Will  some  one  show 

this  gentleman 

BEAU. 

[Who  has  come  slowly  down.]  Oh,  take  his  blessing;  it 
won't  hurt  you. 

PRINCE. 
Damn  his  blessing. 

BEAU. 

Be  composed,  my  dear  Wales,  or  you'll  make  a  fool  of 
yourself. 

PRINCE. 

[Too  exasperated  to  take  from  BEAU  what  he  usually 
thinks  all  right.]  Oh,  I  am  tired  of  your  deuced  imperti 
nence,  too  Beau.  Step  aside,  step  aside ! 

BEAU. 

[Slowly  handing  his  snuff-box  to  the  PRINCE.]  My  dear 
Wales,  first  you  lose  your  equilibrium,  and  now  you  lose 
your  temper.  Take  a  little  snuff. 

PRINCE. 
Damn  your  snuff !  [Knocks  snuff-box  out  of  BEAU'S  hand.] 

BEAU. 

[Puts  up  his  glass  and  looks  quietly  at  him.]  Very  bad 
manners,  very  bad.  I  shall  have  to  order  my  carriage. 
Wales,  will  you  ring  the  bell? 

[Everybody  is  aghast  at  BEAU'S  daring.  The 
PRINCE  stands  petrified.  BEAU  holds  out  his 
hand  to  MARIANA,  who  has  been  standing  in 
the  recess  half  fainting.  She  comes  forward, 
bows  low  to  the  PRINCE,  and  backs  to  the 
door,  followed  by  her  father,  who  is  pitifully 
dejected.  The  curtain  comes  down  as  BEAU, 
with  a  last  look  at  the  PRINCE  through  his 
glass,  turns  and  walks  toward  the  door.] 

THE    END    OF    THE    SECOND    ACT. 

[83] 


THE  THIRD  ACT 


THE  THIRD  ACT 

The  Mall,  St.  James  Park,  the  great  promenade  -where 
every  day  all  London  walks.  There  are  benches  on 
each  side  oj  the  stage  under  the  trees.  At  the  back 
ladies  and  gentlemen  can  be  seen  walking. 

[MORTIMER  comes  on  from  right-hand  side, 
walks  up  and  down  impatiently.  After  a 
little  KATHLEEN  appears  in  a  great  hurry.] 

KATHLEEN. 
Oh !  You're  there,  are  you  ? 

MORTIMER. 
[Indignantly.]  Am  I  here  ?  You're  half  an  hour  late. 

KATHLEEN. 

[Airily.]  Well,  what  do  you  expect  ?  Aren't  I  a  woman  ? 
Say,  what's  the  matter  with  your  face ;  you  have  an  awful 
gloomy  expression  of  countenance  ? 

MORTIMER. 
[Laughing.]   You  little  minx.   Well,  how  goes  it  ? 

KATHLEEN. 

[Crossing  to  bench  and  sitting  down.]  Why,  bad.  I  can't 
for  the  life  of  me  keep  one  lie  from  spoiling  the  other.  Say, 
is  all  this  true  about  Mr.  Brummel  and  the  Prince? 

[87] 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

MORTIMER. 
Yes.    We've  quarreled. 

KATHLEEN. 
And  did  the  Prince  cut  ye's? 

MORTIMER. 

No ;  we  cut  the  Prince,  and  on  account  of  you  Vincents, 
too.  The  Prince  is  deuced  put  out  with  Mr.  Brummel, 
[crosses  to  bench  and  sits]  so  Bendon  told  me.  It's  all 
abroad,  and  I  left  a  swarm  of  creditors  at  the  house,  and, 
worse  still,  there  are  two  bailiffs  after  him.  [KATHLEEN 
gives  an  exclamation  of  horror.}  We  must  hurry  on  this 
marriage,  Kathleen,  or  you  and  I'll  be  ruined.  We  must 
take  pains  to  keep  Mr.  Brummel  and  his  nephew  apart, 
for  he's  that  partial  to  him  there's  no  telling  what  he 
mightn't  do  if  he  was  to  discover  Miss  Mariana  and  Mr. 
Reginald  were  lovers. 

KATHLEEN. 

And  we  must  see  to  it  that  Miss  Mariana  and  Mr. 
Reginald  don't  meet,  else  he'd  explain  how  he'd  never 
received  any  of  her  letters.  I  kept  them  all  carefully,  for 
I  thought  it  might  comfort  him  to  read  'em  after  she  was 
married  to  Mr.  Brummel.  But  I  must  be  off.  [Rises.] 
Good  morning,  me  Lud.  [Makes  very  deep  curtsy.] 

MORTIMER. 

[Bowing  very  low.]  Till  this  evening,  me  Lady. 

KATHLEEN. 
Till  this  evening. 

[Turns  to  go  out  and  meets  REGINALD  face  to 
face.} 

REGINALD. 
Ah !   Kathleen,  where  have  you  been  this  last  week  ? 

KATHLEEN. 

[Is  very  much  perturbed ;  MORTIMER  has  retreated  to  the 
back  of  the  Mall  and  then  disappeared.}  Here,  sir,  here. 

[88] 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

REGINALD. 
Will  your  mistress  be  in  the  Park  this  morning? 

KATHLEEN. 
No,  sir;  she  left  town  to-day,  sir. 

REGINALD. 
[A  little  wistfully.]  Was  she— in  good  spirits,  Kathleen  ? 

KATHLEEN. 
Oh,  beautiful,  sir !  She  skipt  with  joy. 

REGINALD. 

[Gives  KATHLEEN  money  and  then  slowly  walks  away.] 
I  cannot  understand  it.   I  am  sure  there  is  some  mistake. 

KATHLEEN. 

[Looking  at  the  coin  disdainfully.]   That's  mighty  small 
pay  for  a  mighty  big  lie.  Bad  cess  to  him. 

[She  walks  off  at  the  right  with  a  toss  of  her 
head.  As  she  disappears  REGINALD  comes 
down  as  though  to  call  her  back,  but  she  has 
gone,  and  he  turns  to  see  MORTIMER.] 

REGINALD. 
Ah,  Mortimer,  is  Mr.  Brummel  well  ? 

MORTIMER. 

[Very  respectfully,  hat  in  hand]  No,  sir.   Not  at  all,  sir. 
He  can  see  no  one,  sir. 

REGINALD. 

But  he  will  see  me  ? 

MORTIMER. 

Excuse  me,  sir,  but  he  especially  mentioned  your  name, 
sir;  he  could  not  even  see  you. 

REGINALD. 
Will  he  not  be  in  the  Mall  this  morning  ? 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

MORTIMER. 
No,  oh,  no,  sir. 

REGINALD. 
Well,  tell  him  I  will  visit  him  to-morrow. 

[REGINALD  goes  off  down  path  to  the  right.] 

MORTIMER. 

That  was  a  tight  squeeze.  I  expect  him  here  any 
moment.  I  must  see  him  and  warn  him  of  the  bailiffs,  if 
he  only  arrives  before  they  do. 

[MORTIMER  goes  off  hurriedly  by  a  path  to  the 
left.  BEAU  enters  from  the  lower  left-hand 
side  and  walks  slowly  to  the  center,  followed 
by  MORTIMER.  MORTIMER  seems  quite  out 
oj  breath.  BEAU  is  dressed  in  dark  green  silk 
knee  breeches,  green  coat,  black  silk  stockings, 
buckled  shoes,  frilled  shirt  and  neckcloth, 
wears  two  fobs,  carries  cane  with  eye-glass  in 
the  top,  gray  high  hat  of  the  period,  yellow 
waistcoat,  yellow  gloves,  large  red  boutonniere.} 

MORTIMER. 
Mr.  Brummel,  sir! 

[BEAU  starts,  turns,  lifts  cane  slowly,  looks  at 
MORTIMER  through  glass  on  top,  then  turns 
away  and  continues  his  walk.} 

MORTIMER. 
[Very  deferentially,  but  firmly.]  Mr.  Brummel,  sir ! 

BEAU. 
[Without  turning.]    I  think  there  is  some  mistake. 

MORTIMER. 
Excuse  me,  sir,  but  I  must  speak  to  you. 

BEAU. 
You  forget,  Mortimer,  servants  in  the  street  are  like 

[90] 


BEAU  BRUMMEL 

children  at  the  table,  they  may  be  seen,  but  must  not  be 
heard. 

MORTIMER. 
I  have  not  forgotten,  sir,  but  this  is  serious. 

BEAU. 

Serious!  then  it  is  sure  to  be  unpleasant — wait  till  I 
take  some  snuff. 

[Takes  snuff  very  quietly  and  with  much  cere 
mony,  replaces  box,  then  nods  to  MORTIMER 
and  listens.] 

MORTIMER. 
Sir,  your  quarrel  with  the  Prince  is  already  common  talk. 

BEAU. 
[Brushing  a  little  snuff  off  his  ruffles.]   Ah,  poor  Wales ! 

MORTIMER. 

There  was  a  crowd  of  creditors  at  your  door  when  I 
left,  sir. 

BEAU. 
That  is  neither  new  nor  serious. 

MORTIMER. 
But  they  were  angry  and  would  not  go  away. 

BEAU. 

Why  did  you  not  send  them  off  ? 

MORTIMER. 

Sir,  we've  been  sending  them  off  for  the  past  two  years, 
and  now — they  won't  be  sent.  Besides,  sir,  there  are  two 
bailiffs  who  swore  they'd  have  you  if  they  had  to  take 
you  in  the  Mall. 

BEAU. 
Impossible ! 

MORTIMER. 
I  fear  not,  sir ;  one  is  from  Mr.  Abrahams. 

[91] 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

BEAU. 

Here?  In  the  Mall?  I  would  rather  perish.  There  is 
no  help  for  it.  [To  himself.]  I  must  make  a  shield  of 
my  marriage.  I  blush  to  do  it,  for  it  would  seem  to  leave  a 
blot  upon  my  love  for  Mariana,  but  a  blot  upon  that  love 
is  better  than  a  blot  upon  the  name  of  Brummel,  the  name 
she  is  to  wear.  [Aloud  to  Mortimer.]  Mortimer! 

MORTIMER. 
Yes,  sir. 

BEAU. 

You  must  hasten  back  and  meet  them,  these  dogs  of 
bailiffs ;  you  must  prevent  them  by  telling  them  of  my 
marriage  to  the  daughter  of  Mr.  Oliver  Vincent.  That 
prospect  should  satisfy  them.  Promise  them  all  they 
demand  and  added  interest.  [BEAU  starts  to  go  off  at  the 
right-hand  side,  MORTIMER  also  moves  off  to  the  left.]  Prom 
ise  them  everything.  [MORTIMER  stops  and  bows  respect 
fully,  then  starts  again.  BEAU  moves  on  a  few  paces 
then  stops  again.]  Promise  them  anything. 

[MORTIMER  again  stops  and  bows.  BEAU 
moves  on  again  and  MORTIMER  also  starts 
again  to  go.  BEAU  stops  suddenly.] 

BEAU. 

And,  Mortimer !  [MORTIMER  stops,  comes  back  a  few 
steps.]  You  must  not  go  unrewarded ;  [MORTIMER  looks 
pleased  and  expectant]  promise  yourself  something! 

[BEAU  walks  slowly  off  at  the  right-hand  side 
and  MORTIMER,  with  a  low  bow,  replaces  his 
hat  and  goes  quickly  off  at  the  left  side.] 

MORTIMER. 

[As  he  exits.]    Yes,  sir! 

[VINCENT  and  MARIANA  enter  from  the  upper 
left-hand  entrance.  MARIANA  is  dressed 

[92] 


BEAU  BRUMMEL 

simply  but  prettily  in  a  light  flowered  silk  gown,  poke 
bonnet,  parasol.] 

VINCENT. 

We'll  be  sure  to  meet  him  here  somewhere.  You  must 
do  it  all,  Mariana.  He  was  just  as  haughty  with  me  last 
night  after  we  left  Carlton  House  as  he  always  was.  You 
wouldn't  have  thought  he  had  just  sacrificed  himself  for 
me. 

MARIANA. 
Sacrificed  himself  for  you,  papa  ? 

VINCENT. 

Isn't  it  sacrificing  himself  for  him  to  give  up  his  position 
in  the  world  ?  And  isn't  that  what  he  has  done  to  resent 
your  father's  insult? 

MARIANA. 

[Trying  to  lighten  the  seriousness  of  the  situation.]  I 
fancied  he  did  it  partly  on  my  account,  papa. 

VINCENT. 

Of  course,  you  little  rogue,  it  was  for  us  both,  but  it's 
you  alone  who  can  repay  him.  He  hasn't  a  penny  and 
this  rupture  with  the  Prince  has  brought  down  all  his 
creditors  upon  him.  With  the  money  your  dowry  will 
bring  him  [MARIANA  turns  her  head  away,  biting  her  lip] 
he  can  pay  off  his  creditors  and  defy  the  Prince.  Without 
it  he  can  do  neither  and  is  utterly  ruined. 

MARIANA. 

I  realize,  father,  that  it  is  through  us  this  sudden  calamity 
has  come  upon  Mr.  Brummel.  It  was  you,  papa,  who 
were  to  blame.  Why  did  you  bring  down  the  curtain  before 
the  comedy  was  over? 

VINCENT. 

[A  little  irritably.]  Come,  come,  Mariana,  you  have  too 
teasing  a  temper. 

[93] 


BEAU  BRUMMEL 

MARIANA. 

[Seriously  enough  now.]  Ah,  my  dear  father,  I  only 
want  to  help  you  by  making  light  of  the  matter.  Come, 
[taking  his  arm  and  crossing  slowly  toward  the  right]  let 
us  find  Mr.  Brummel.  I  am  not  blind  to  the  fact  that  it 
was  by  protecting  you  and  me  he  exposed  himself  to  insult. 
Well,  he  shall  not  suffer  for  it.  Father,  I  promise  you 
that  I  will  accept  his  hand. 

VINCENT. 

And  I  feel  sure  that  it  will  mean  happiness  for  you  in  the 
end.  Wait  here  [seats  MARIANA  on  bench  at  right]  a 
moment,  and  I  will  return  with  Mr.  Brummel. 

[VINCENT  exits  at  the  upper  right-hand  path.] 

MARIANA. 

Yes,  yes.  I  must  hesitate  no  longer.  I  must  think  now 
only  of  my  father,  and  not  remember  Reginald,  who  has 
neglected  me.  Gratitude  and  sympathy  shall  take  the 
place  of  love  in  my  heart. 

[MRS.  ST.  AUBYN  enters  from  right-hand  en 
trance,  dressed  very  exquisitely  in  white, 
large  white  hat,  carries  a  }an.] 

MRS.    ST.   AUBYN. 
Ah,  Miss  Vincent !  Is  Mr.  Brummel  with  you  ? 

[Makes  a  very  slight  curtsy.] 

MARIANA. 
[Rising  and  curtsying.]  No ;  my  father. 

MRS.    ST.   AUBYN. 

And  you  have  him  to  thank  for  the  scene  last  evening. 
It  is  he  Mr.  Brummel  has  to  thank  for  the  Prince's  dis 
pleasure. 

MARIANA  . 

[Anxiously.]   Madam,  and  is  the  Prince  still  angry? 

[94] 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

MRS.    ST.    AUBYN. 

[With  great  relish.]  He  is  furious  and  swears  he  will 
never  forgive  him.  There  is,  I  think,  only  one  person  who 
could  influence  him  in  Mr.  BrummePs  behalf,  and  that 
person — is — myself ! 

[Crosses  triumphantly  in  front  of  MARIANA 
with  a  sweep  of  her  fan  on  the  last  word.] 

MARIANA. 

[Eagerly  going  a  little  toward  her.]  Then,  surely,  you 
who  have  been  such  a  good  friend  of  Mr.  Brummel  will 
use  your  influence  in  his  behalf.  Indeed,  if  I  am  not 
wrong,  it  was  through  Mr.  Brummel  that  you  met  the 
Prince.  Your  smoothing  this  quarrel,  then,  will  be  but  a 
fair  return  to  him. 

MRS.    ST.   AUBYN. 

You  forget  I  am  a  woman  of  fashion.  We  take  all  we 
can  get,  but  we  never  give  anything.  No,  only  on  one 
condition  shall  I  persuade  the  Prince  to  hold  Mr.  Brummel 
again  in  favor. 

MARIANA. 

[With  quiet  scorn.]  Ah,  I  see,  a  condition.  Then  you 
women  of  the  world  condescend  to  sell,  if  you  will  not  give. 

MRS.    ST.    AUBYN. 

[Angrily.]  You  would  do  better  not  to  ruffle  me.  My 
condition  is  this:  If  you  will  promise  to  relinquish  Mr. 
Brummel,  I  will  make  the  Prince  promise  not  to  cut  him, 
as  he  has  sworn  to  do  publicly  to-day. 

[Looks  triumphantly  at  MARIANA,  then  turns 
away  as  though  to  give  her  time  to  consider.] 

MARIANA. 

I  would  I  could  accept  this  proposition,  but  I  cannot,  I 
cannot.  'Twould  be  the  greatest  injustice  to  Mr.  Brummel. 
I  must  not  forget  that  he  did  not  hesitate  to  sacrifice  him- 

[95] 


BEAU    BRUMMEL 

self  for  me  and  my  father.  I  spoke  to  her  of  making  him 
a  return.  Let  me  not  shrink  then  from  making  as  just  a 
one  myself.  [Then  speaking  to  MRS.  ST.  AUBYN,  who  has 
turned  toward  MARIANA.]  What  right  have  you  to  ask 
any  one  to  give  him  up  ? 

MRS.    ST.    AUBYN. 
He  sought  my  favors  before  you  enticed  him  from  me. 

MARIANA. 

[Very  quietly.]  I  do  not  believe  that. 

MRS.    ST.   AUBYN. 

[Angrily.]  You  are  uncommonly  insolent.  [Then 
changing  her  tone  to  one  of  condescension.]  Well,  even  if  it 
were  not  so  I  should  still  have  the  right  to  ask  you.  You 
seem  to  forget  the  difference  in  our  position. 

[She  sweeps  past  MARIANA  with  a  grand  air 
toward  the  right.  At  this  moment  BEAU 
enters  from  the  right-hand  side ;  he  has  over 
heard  the  last  speech.  He  crosses  to  the 
center,  bowing  to  MRS.  ST.  AUBYN  as  he 
passes  her,  and  with  a  very  low  bow  to 
MARIANA  says :] 

BEAU. 

It  is  you,  Mrs.  St.  Aubyn,  who  forget.  It  is  greatly  to 
the  credit  of  Miss  Vincent  if  she  can  overlook  a  difference 
your  present  conduct  makes  so  very  marked. 

MRS.    ST.    AUBYN. 

[With  a  very  low  curtsy.]  I  will  repeat  to  you  what  I 
have  just  said  to  Miss  Vincent. 

BEAU. 
[Airily]  Pray  do  not  fatigue  yourself,  madam. 

MRS.    ST.    AUBYN. 
You  will  learn  that  I  know  how  to  remain  a  friend  when 

[96] 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

once  I  become  one.   I  offered  Miss  Vincent  the  chance  of 
regaining  for  you  the  Prince's  friendship. 

BEAU. 
And  your  price  ? 

MRS.    ST.   AUBYN. 
[In  a  low  tone.]  Yourself. 

BEAU. 

[To  MARIANA.]  And  you,  you  refused  ?  [MARIANA  bows 
her  head.}  It  would  have  been  most  unflattering,  madam, 
had  Miss  Vincent  disposed  of  me  so  cheaply. 

MRS.    ST.    AUBYN. 

[Who  is  now  enraged  almost  beyond  the  bounds  oj 
endurance.]  Are  you  mad?  Do  you  know  to  whom  you 
are  speaking  ?  You  are  somewhat  rash,  sir.  Discard  me 
and  the  Prince  shall  know  all. 

BEAU. 

He  knows  so  very  little  at  present,  the  knowledge  of 
anything  would  be  largely  to  his  advantage.  And  yet — I 
cannot  imagine  you  will  tell  him — all. 

MRS.    ST.    AUBYN. 
Your  raillery  is  ill  planned.     A  woman  scorned — 

BEAU. 

Pray  spare  us,  Mrs.  St.  Aubyn ;  you  were  never  intended 
for  tragedy — it  does  not  become  you — and  it  produces 
[pause] — wrinkles. 

MRS.    ST.    AUBYN. 

[Has  now  recovered  her  composure.]  Mr.  Brummel,  I 
bid  you  adieu — you  have  taught  me  how  to  smile  even 
when — tush — I  am  a  woman  of  fashion !  [Crosses  to  left, 
passing  MARIANA.]  Miss  Vincent,  I  wish  you  joy.  [With 
an  exaggerated  deep  curtsy.  MARIANA  curtsies.  Looks  off 
up  the  lejt  pathj  calls:]  Manly — Lord  Manly.  [MANLY 

[97] 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

comes  on,  raises  hat,  bows.]    Lord  Manly — your  arm — your 
arm.  [They  go  off  arm  in  arm.] 

MARIANA. 

[Sinking  down  on  bench.]  Your  regard  and  protection 
leave  me  too  much  in  your  debt. 

BEAU. 

Pray  let  that  debt  weigh  no  more  heavily  on  you  than 
do  my  debts  on  me.  One  smile  of  yours  had  overpaid  me. 

MARIANA. 

If  your  creditors  were  as  easily  satisfied  as  you  are,  sir, 
I  should  be  prodigal  of  my  smiles. 

BEAU. 

[Crossing  to  MARIANA'S  side.]  Ah,  Mariana,  if  your 
smiles  were  the  coinage,  Egad,  I  think  I  should  turn  miser. 

MARIANA. 
You  are  not  practical,  sir.     I  must  make  you  so. 

BEAU. 

I  am  your  slave  and  the  chains  I  wear  are  no  burden. 
May  I  indeed  hope  that  you  will  accept  my  humble  service  ? 
That  you  will  be  my  wife  ?  [Stands  hat  in  hand.] 

MARIANA. 

Yes,  Mr.  Brummel,  I  honor  and  respect  you.  [Gives  her 
hand  to  BEAU.]  I  will  be  your  wife. 

BEAU. 

[Kissing  her  hand.}  And  may  I  hope  you  will  learn  to 
love  me  a  little  ? 

MARIANA. 

I  do  indeed  hope  so.    \A side.}    Or  make  myself  forget. 

BEAU. 

[Putting  on  his  hat  with  a  buoyant  gesture.}    Come, 

[98] 


"  //  your  creditors  were  as  easily  satisfied  as  you  are,  sir, 
I  should  be  prodigal  oj  my  smiles." 


Of  THE 

UNIVERSITY 

OF 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

Mariana,  [MARIANA  rises]  honor  my  arm — and  we  will 
tell  the  whole  world  of  our — of  my  happiness. 

[They  go  off  at  left-hand  path.     Vincent  enters 
from  the  right.] 

VINCENT. 

I  can't  find  him  anywhere.  I'm  afraid  he's  hiding,  poor 
fellow,  from  those  bailiffs,  and  doesn't  dare  show  his  face 
lest  he  be  taken.  Where's  Mariana  ?  Has  she  changed 
her  mind  and  gone?  No,  she  gave  her  promise  she'd 
accept  him  and  I  can  trust  to  her  word.  I'll  search  for  her 
now  and  perhaps  by  so  doing  I  may  find  him. 

[VINCENT  goes  out  by  upper  path,  left-hand  side. 
Two  bailiffs  enter  from  upper  right-hand 
path.  They  are  villainous-looking  creatures; 
one  limps — the  other  has  a  patch  over  one  eye 
and  both  have  very  red  noses;  they  are  dressed 
in  ragged  clothes.} 

FIRST    BAILIFF. 

Our  gentleman's  so  fine  we  mustn't  bother  our  eyes 
with  winking  or  he'll  slip  through  our  fingers. 

SECOND    BAILIFF. 

Not  if  I  know  it.  This  is  the  most  fashionable  affair 
of  my  life.  Look  here — who's  this  ? 

[He  points  to  the  left-hand  path.  They  both 
quickly  withdraw  behind  a  tree.  BEAU 
enters  from  the  left.} 

BEAU. 

I'll  leave  her  to  inform  her  father.  I  must  find  Morti 
mer  ;  he  should  have  returned  by  now.  What  if  he  should 
not  have  met  those  bailiffs — if  they  should  still  be  at  large. 
Zounds!  [He  sits  on  bench  at  right.] 

FIRST   BAILIFF. 
[In  a  low  tone.]    That's  him ! 

[99] 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

SECOND    BAILIFF. 

Lud — ain't  he  scrumptious!  We  ought  to  have  a  pair 
of  silver  sugar-tongs  to  take  him  with. 

[They  come  down,  one  behind  the  other.} 

FIRST   BAILIFF. 
Mr.  Brummel,  sir! 

BEAU. 
[Looking  up.}    The  devil ! 

FIRST   BAILIFF. 

No,  sir,  the  bailiff. 

BEAU. 
What  is  the  difference  ? 

[The  bailiffs  look  at  one  another  in  amazement.} 

FIRST    BAILIFF. 
We've  been  looking  for  you,  sir. 

BEAU. 

I  am  so  sorry  you  have  put  yourself  to  that  trouble, 
and  you  must  not  speak  to  me  here.  Do  you  realize  what 
you  are  doing?  Suppose  some  one  were  to  observe  you. 
My  valet  will  attend  to  you. 

FIRST   BAILIFF. 

Oh,  we'll  take  care  of  your  valet  later;  it's  you  that  we've 
got  a  couple  of  papers  for  this  morning.  I  represent  your 
landlord,  sir! 

[BEAU  lifts  his  cane  with  great  deliberation  and 
looks  at  him  through  glass.} 

BEAU. 
Are  you  the  best  he  can  do? 

FIRST   BAILIFF. 

You  have  lived  in  his  house  three  years,  and  he  con 
siders  it's  time  as  how  you  paid  a  bit  of  rent. 

[IPO] 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

BEAU. 

[As  though  to  himself.]  The  ungrateful  wretch !  The  very 
fact  of  my  having  resided  in  his  house  should  be  more 
than  sufficient  remuneration. 

SECOND    BAILIFF. 
[Comes   up  in   front  of  BEAU,   while  FIRST 
BAILIFF  retires  a  little,  shaking  his  head,  as 
though  completely  puzzled.] 

And  I  am  here  for  Mr.  Abrahams  and  several  other 
gentlemen. 

BEAU. 

You  remind  me  of  the  person  in  the  theatre  whom  they 
call  the  super,  who  represents  the  enemy  on  the  march  or 
the  company  in  the  ballroom.  We  will  dispense  with  your 
company,  sir. 

FIRST   BAILIFF. 

[Coming  up  again.]  That  won't  do,  Mr.  Brummel. 
You  must  pay,  or  come  along  with  us. 

[Makes  vague  gesture  of  thumb  over  shoulder.} 

SECOND    BAILIFF. 

[Making  same  gesture  as  he  withdraws  again.]  Yes,  pay 
or  come  along  with  us. 

BEAU. 

You  men  must  be  mad ;  the  Prince  will  be  here  presently, 
and  I  will  speak  to  him.  [Rises.] 

FIRST   BAILIFF. 

[Obsequiously.]  Oh,  if  His  Royal  Highness  will  help 
you,  sir,  of  course,  we  won't  press  matters. 

B  E  AU  . 

See  that  you  do  not.  And  now  [looking  at  them  through 
his  glass]  trot  away,  trot  away,  and  walk  in  Fleet  Street ; 
the  Mall  is  really  no  place  for  you. 

f He  turns,  lifts  his  boutonniere  so  he  can  inhale 
the  perjume  of  the  flowers,  and  then  walks 

[101] 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

away  "with  great  deliberation.     They   stand  staring  after 
him  for  an  instant,  stupefied.} 

FIRST   BAILIFF. 

We'll  keep  our  eye  on  our  gentleman,  just  the  same. 
These  little  rumors  about  the  Prince  and  him  might  be 
true  after  all,  and  if  they  are,  why  we  won't  walk  in  Fleet 
Street  alone. 

[He  takes  a  black  bottle  out  of  his  pocket,  takes 
a  drink  and  then  hands  it  to  the  SECOND 
BAILIFF,  who  also  takes  a  drink,  then  they  go 
off  ^n  the  same  direction  BEAU  went.  The 
DUCHESS,  LADY  FARTHINGALE,  LORD 
MANLY  and  SHERRY  come  on  from  the  left- 
hand  path.  LORD  MANLY  and  LADY 
FARTHINGALE  cross  to  the  right-hand  bench. 
LADY  FARTHINGALE  sits,  MANLY  stands  by 
her  side.  Three  ladies  and  gentlemen  come 
on  at  the  back  and  stand  there,  apparently 
chatting  or  listening  to  the  DUCHESS.] 

DUCHESS. 

Where  can  Beau  have  disappeared  to?  It's  near  time 
for  the  Prince  to  be  out,  and  I  wouldn't  miss  observing  the 
meeting  for  worlds.  Pray,  Sherry,  give  us  your  opinion — 
will  he  cut  him  or  not  ? 

[The  DUCHESS  has  been  flying  around  looking 
for  BEAU  in  every  direction.} 

SHERIDAN. 

Really,  Duchess,  I  cannot  say  what  the  Prince  will  do. 
He's  too  great  a  fool  for  me  to  put  myself  in  his  place. 

MANLY. 

Damme,  of  course,  he'll  cut  him,  and,  moreover,  Beau 
deserves  it. 

SHERIDAN. 
[Decidedly.}   Then,  for  my  part,  I  say,  let's  move  on. 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

DUCHESS. 

[Equally  decided.}  We'll  do  no  such  thing.  We  must  see 
for  ourselves,  so  that  we  can  trust  our  own  ears  and  know 
how  to  treat  Mr.  Brummel  accordingly.  Besides,  if  we 
observe  it,  we  can  inform  others  of  the  affair  correctly, 
and  there  will  be  some  merit  in  that. 

[SHERIDAN  moves  away  to  the  right,  with  a 
shrug  of  his  shoulders.] 

LADY   FARTHINGALE. 

Mr.  Brummel  will  never  be  able  to  stand  it  if  he's 
injured.  I  should  not  wonder  now  if  he  fainted ! 

DUCHESS. 

Dear  me,  do  you  think  so?  [Face  falls  as  though  dis 
appointed.}  I  don't  know,  I'm  afraid  not. 

SHERIDAN. 

[Impatiently.}  He's  more  likely  to  resent  any  insult, 
I'm  convinced. 

DUCHESS. 

[Most  excited,  rushes  to  LADY  FARTHINGALE.]  What !  A 
duel !  Oh,  Lud,  Lady  Farthingale,  only  think — a  duel ! 
Deuce  take  it,  where  can  Beau  be?  I'm  afraid  the  Prince 
will  arrive  first. 

SHERIDAN. 

[Sarcastically.}  My  dear  Duchess,  prithee  be  calm; 
you  are  too  great  an  enthusiast. 

DUCHESS. 

[Looking  off  at  the  right.}  Here  comes  Mr.  Brummel, 
I  vow.  Do  you  notice  anything  different  in  his  manner 
of  walking? 

SHERIDAN. 

[Monocle  in  eye,  looks  off  in  direction  BEAU  is  supposed 
to  be.}  He  seems  to  have  the  same  number  of  legs  as 
formerly.  [He  crosses  over  to  the  left.} 

[103] 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

DUCHESS. 

Oh,  you  may  rail  at  me,  Sherry,  but  it's  no  laughing 
matter  for  Mr.  Brummel,  I  can  tell  you. 

LADY   FARTHINGALE. 

[Rising  so  she  can  see  better.]  He's  coming — he's 
coming !  , 

DUCHESS. 

Lud,  we  must  not  expose  ourselves.  We  must  at  least 
feign  utter  ignorance  of  the  affair.  [BEAU  enters.]  Ah, 
Beau !  [The  ladies  curtsy,  men  raise  their  hats.] 

BEAU. 

Still  loitering,  Duchess  ?  I  was  so  afraid  you  would  have 
returned  home.  [He  joins  SHERRY  on  the  other  side.] 

DUCHESS. 

[Aside  to  LADY  FARTHINGALE.]  You  hear?  A  hint 
for  us  to  go,  but  he'll  not  hoodwink  his  Duchess.  [To 
BEAU.]  We  were  just  going,  but  we'll  rest  a  moment  for 
another  chat  with  you. 

BEAU. 

Too  good  of  you,  Duchess.  Are  you  not  afraid  to  risk 
your — what's  that  called,  Sherry?  [Touching  his  cheek.] 

SHERRY. 
[Much  embarrassed.]     Complexion. 

BEAU. 
Yes,  your  complexion  in  the  sun. 

[Chats  with  SHERRY.  DUCHESS,  very  angry, 
does  not  know  what  to  say  until  LADY  FAR 
THINGALE'S  speech  gives  her  a  chance  to  show 
her  spite  fulness.] 

LADY   FARTHINGALE. 
Here  comes  His  Royal  Highness ! 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

DUCHESS. 

[Looking  off  at  the  right.]  The  Prince!  Is  he  truly?  I 
didn't  expect  him  this  morning.  Beau,  the  Prince  is 
coming. 

BEAU. 

[Indifferently.]  Is  he  really  ?  Where's  the  music  ?  In 
the  play  the  Prince  always  comes  on  with  music.  Let's 
be  going,  Sherry,  there's  no  music. 

[Takes  SHERRY'S  arm  and  they  move  off  to 
the  left.] 

DUCHESS. 

[Meaningly.]  What,  Beau,  you  wouldn't  leave  before 
His  Royal  Highness  comes? 

BEAU. 

[Seeing  there  is  no  escape,  meets  his  /ate  gallantly.]  By 
my  manners,  no.  Sherry,  let  us  meet  him. 

[  They  turn  and  start  to  the  right  as  the  PRINCE 
enters  with  MRS.  ST.  AUBYN  on  his  arm.  The 
DUCHESS  has  retreated  back  to  where  LADY 
FARTHINGALE  is  standing.] 

DUCHESS. 
The  deuce,  did  you  hear  that  Lady  Farthingale? 

[BEAU  and  SHERRY  reach  the  center  and  stop. 
The  PRINCE  and  MRS.  ST.  AUBYN  pass 
directly  by  BEAU,  although  he  stands  hat  in 
hand,  and  address  SHERRY.  BEAU  replaces 
hat  and  listens  with  an  amused  expression.] 

PRINCE. 

Sup  with  me  to-night,  Sherry,  after  the  play.  Mrs.  St. 
Aubyn  and  the  Duchess  will  be  there  with  us,  and,  Egad, 
we'll  make  a  night  of  it. 

[SHERRY  can  only  bow  acquiescence  and  the 
PRINCE  and  MRS.  ST.  AUBYN  move  on  a 
little  way.  BEAU,  lifting  his  glass,  looks 
after  them  and  says  to  SHERRY:] 

[1053 


BEAU  BRUMMEL 

BEAU. 
Sherry,  who's  your  fat  friend  ? 

[SHERRY  is  divided  between  delight  and  amaze 
ment  at  his  daring  and  consternation  at 
thought  oj  the  consequences,  and  whispers  in 
BEAU'S  ear.} 

PRINCE. 
[Who  has  stopped  short.]  Well — damn  his  impudence ! 

BEAU. 

[Affects  not  to  hear  or  understand  SHERRY.]  I  beg  your 
pardon,  who  did  you  say?  I  had  no  idea  he  looked  like 
that.  Is  it  really  ?  You  don't  say  so  ?  Dear,  dear,  what 
a  pity !  What  a  pity ! 

[Takes  SHERIDAN'S  arm  and  they  go  off  at  the 
right,  BEAU  with  his  usual  imperturbable  air 
and  SHERIDAN  visibly  shaking  and  dejected. 
The  PRINCE  and  MRS.  ST.  AUBYN  are  at  the 
left,  the  PRINCE  speechless  with  rage  and 
MRS.  ST.  AUBYN  trying  to  say  something 
consoling.} 

DUCHESS. 
Well,  I've  had  all  my  pains  for  nothing. 

LADY   FARTHINGALE. 
But,  Duchess,  did  you  see? 

DUCHESS. 

See  what  ?  There  was  nothing  to  see !  [With  a  chuckle.] 
Lud,  Beau  got  the  best  of  it. 

MRS.    ST.   AUBYN. 

Duchess,  you  look  ill.  Doesn't  the  air  agree  with  you,  or 
is  it  the  daylight  ? 

DUCHESS. 

[Loftily.]  I  hope,  my  dear  Mrs.  St.  Aubyn,  you'll  never 
look  worse.  [With  a  deep  curtsy.} 

[106] 


"  Sherry,  who's  your  fat  friend  ? 


Of  THE 

[  UNIVERSITY  J 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

MRS.    ST.   AUBYN. 
[With  affected  horror.]   Heaven  forbid ! 

[The  PRINCE  and  MRS.  ST.  AUBYN  exit  at  left. 
All  the  people  at  back  exit.] 

DUCHESS. 

Come,  let's  be  going.  [LORD  MANLY  offers  one  arm  to 
the  DUCHESS,  LADY  FARTHINGALE  takes  his  other  arm. 
They  move  off  toward  the  left]  Where  can  Beau  have  dis 
appeared  to?  Of  course,  it's  of  no  interest  to  us,  only  I 
must  say  it  was  uncommonly  ill-natured  of  him  not  to 
make  more  of  a  scene  for  our  sakes,  you  know. 

[Th-ey  all  go  out.  BEAU  and  SHERRY  enter 
from  the  right,  followed  by  the  two  bailiffs. 
SHERIDAN  speaks  as  they  come  on.} 

SHERIDAN. 

Your  marriage,  my  dear  Beau,  will  redeem  your  mis 
fortune,  and  it  is  the  only  thing  that  will. 

{They  have  reached  the  center  by  this  time,  and 
BEAU  sees  the  bailiffs.  He  stops,  puts  up  his 
glass,  looks  at  them,  and  says:] 

BEAU. 

[Shaking  his  finger  at  SHERRY.]  Sherry,  Sherry,  who  are 
these  fellows  following  you  ? 

[SHERRY  turns  and  sees  the  bailiffs  and  becomes 
much  agitated.] 

BAILIFF. 
Mr.  Brummel,  sir! 

[BEAU  sees  it's  no  use  to  try  to  deceive  SHERRY.] 

BEAU. 

Zounds !  Proceed.  Sherry,  I  will  join  you  in  a  moment. 
Well,  my  good  men! 

[SHERRY  hurries  off,  shaking  his  head  sadly] 

[107] 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

BEAU. 
You  donkeys,  would  you  ruin  me  ? 

BAILIFF. 

Come,  come,  we've  had  enough  of  your  airs,  now7. 
You'd  better  come  along  with  us  quietly. 

[Places  finger  on  BEAU'S  shoulder.] 

BEAU. 

[Moves  away.]  For  Heaven's  sake,  don't  put  those  hands 
on  me !  Why  don't  you  wear  gloves  ?  [Bailiff,  who  had 
retreated  a  step,  comes  closer.]  And  don't  come  so  close. 
You  are  too  hasty  and  ill-advised — you  have  no  manners. 
[Bailiffs  retreat  in  real  confusion  and  astonishment.] 
There's  one  resource,  I  must  tell  them.  [He  takes  out  snuff 
box  and  takes  snuff  with  great  deliberation,  and  does  not 
speak  until  he  has  returned  box,  brushed  his  lace  ruffles, 
then  he  turns  to  them.]  Had  you  met  my  valet  he  would 
have  delivered  to  you  my  message.  It  was  to  the  effect  that 
the  banns  of  marriage  between  the  daughter  of  Mr.  Oliver 
Vincent  and  myself  are  to  be  published  in  St.  James's  on 
Sunday.  As  the  son-in-law  of  the  merchant  prince  I  can 
not  only  satisfy  your  master's  demands,  but  handsomely 
remember  you  yourselves.  Now,  trot  away,  trot  away, 
anywhere  out  of  my  sight.  [Turns  away.} 

BAILIFF. 

We've  heard  one  of  your  fine  stories  before,  and  we 
don't  go  till  you  prove  what  you  say. 

BEAU. 

How  very  annoying !  [Looks  off  at  left  and  sees  MARIANA. 
H is  face  lights  up.]  Here  comes  Mariana.  Here  is  the 
young  lady  herself.  Withdraw  and  you  shall  have  your 
proof.  [Bailiffs  look  at  each  other.] 

FIRST   BAILIFF. 
[A  little  doubtfully.]   Well ! 

[1C?] 


BEAU  BRUMMEL 

SECOND   BAILIFF. 
[Still  more  doubtfully.]   Well!! 

FIRST   BAILIFF. 
Well,  we'll  see  what  it  is,  eh? 

[They  exit  at  the  back  lejt.  BEAU  walks  down 
to  the  right,  brushes  his  shoulder  where 
bailiff's  hand  had  rested,  turns  and  crosses 
toward  lejt  as  though  to  meet  MARIANA, 
suddenly  stops.] 

BEAU. 

What !   [Looks  again  as  though  he  thought  himself  mis 
taken.]   Reginald  and  Mariana!    Mariana  and  Reginald! 
[Shakes    his    head   as    though    to    dispel    the 
thoughts    that   would    come.       Then   walks 
slowly  toward  the  path  at  back,  leading  off 
to  the  lejt.    MARIANA  enters  hastily,  followed 
by  REGINALD,  both  much  agitated.] 

REGINALD. 

I  have  been  wretched  beyond  the  telling — my  letters 
left  unanswered,  not  one  word  from  you  in  fourteen  days. 

MARIANA. 

My  letters  and  appeals  unanswered  is  what  you  mean, 
sir.  I  wrote  you  even  up  to  yesterday,  and  Kathleen  vowed 
that  she  delivered  all  the  notes  till  then. 

REGINALD. 
To  whom  did  she  deliver  them?    'Twas  not  to  me. 

MARIANA. 

[With  a  cry  of  joy.]  What,  you  did  not  receive  them? 
Then  Kathleen  has  played  me  false.  Oh,  Reginald,  what 
I  have  suffered  in  wrongly  thinking  you  untrue  to  me. 

REGINALD. 
Such  doubt  of  me  was  cruel,  Mariana,  but  [lightly] 

[109] 


BEAU  BRUMMEL 

come,  ask  my  pardon  and  see  how  quickly  I'll  forgive 
you. 

[Comes  to  her  and  tries  to  take  her  hands,  but 
MARIANA  draws  away.} 

MARIANA. 
No — no.    I  cannot,  I  cannot. 

REGINALD. 

[Misunderstanding.]  Then  see,  I'll  forgive  without  the 
asking. 

MARIANA. 

[Still  refusing  to  let  him  take  her  hand.]  Reginald,  what 
will  you  think  ?  How  can  I  tell  you?  It  is  too  late  now. 

REGINALD. 
Too  late !  What  do  you  mean  ? 

MARIANA. 
I  have  promised  myself  to  another. 

[BEAU  is  seen  at  back,  head  bowed,  attitude  one 
oj  utter  sadness.} 

REGINALD. 

[Forcibly.]  You  must  break  that  promise.  To  whom  has 
it  been  given  ? 

MARIANA  . 
To  Mr.  Brummel. 

REGINALD. 

Mr.  Brummel !  [In  shocked  surprise.]  Great  heavens ! 
Mariana,  he  is  my  best  friend — my  benefactor. 

MARIANA. 
No — no ! 

REGINALD. 

My  mother's  only  brother.  It  is  he  who  since  her 
death  hag  cared  for  me  most  tenderly  and  all  my  life  has 
shielded  me  from  every  harm. 

[no] 


BEAU  BRUMMEL 

MARIANA. 

He  is  overwhelmed  now  by  his  difficulties.  His  creditors 
are  like  bloodhounds  on  his  track.  He  has  sacrificed  him 
self  for  me  in  defence  of  my  father.  Through  me  alone 
can  he  be  rid  of  his  distresses. 

REGINALD. 

And  he  loves  you.  I  know  that,  too,  and  you,  do  you 
love  him  ? 

MARIANA. 
[Reproachfully.]   You  should  not  ask  me  that. 

REGINALD. 

[Taking  her  hands.]  You  are  right!  But  I  cannot  give 
you  up,  nor  can  I  see  my  uncle  ruined ;  he  is  the  one  man 
in  the  universe  from  whom  I  would  not  steal  your  love. 
'Tis  you  who  must  decide. 

MARIANA. 
And  I  have  done  so.  I  am  his. 

[BEAU  comes  down  to  the  center.  REGINALD  and 
MARIANA  draw  back  on  each  side.] 

BEAU. 

No — no,  I  give  you  up ;  I  release  you  from  your  promise. 
[The  bailiffs  enter  and  stand  at  back  listening.] 

MARIANA. 

[Starting  forward.]    Sir ! 

BEAU. 
Take  her,  Reginald ! 

[He  holds  out  his  hand  to  MARIANA,  who  is 
about  to  give  him  hers,  when  she  stops,  with 
draws  her  hand.] 

MARIANA. 
No,  I  am  yours.  I  will  not  be  released.  Our  love  would 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

not  be  happiness  if  it  entailed  your  ruin.  Reginald  has 
told  me  that  he  owes  to  you  his  life.  My  father  and  myself 
have  greater  cause  for  gratitude  to  you  than  I  can  say.  I 
hold  you  to  your  vows. 

BEAU 


.BEAU. 

Impossible ;  I  now  release  you. 


REGINALD. 

[Sees  the  bailiffs.]  Great  heavens,  the  bailiffs!  You 
shall  not  sacrifice  yourself  for  us.  I  join  with  Mariana 
against  myself  and  say  that  she  is  yours. 

BEAU. 

[Looks  at  him  with  great  affection.]  No — no !  [Brushes 
an  imaginary  speck  from  his  sleeve.]  I  love  you  both  too  well 
to  come  between  your  young  hearts'  happiness. 

MARIANA. 
[In  a  last  effort  to  change  him.]  And  yet  you  loved  me ! 

[BEAU  takes  a  step  toward  her  with  a  look  of 
love  and  reproach.] 

BEAU. 

Mariana !  No,  [lifting  his  hat  and  turning  away]  I  must 
leave  you. 

REGINALD. 

You  shall  not ;  we  will  speak  to  Mr.  Vincent  and  he  will 
help  you. 

BEAU. 

[Reprovingly.]  I  have  no  claim  whatever  on  Mr.  Vincent. 
[Bailiffs  standing  at  back  give  a  nod  to  each  other.]  Take 
her,  Reginald;  wear  her  very  near  your  heart  for  my  sake. 
[Hands  MARIANA  to  REGINALD.]  And  now  I  would  accom 
pany  you  further,  but  I  cannot — not  now,  [with  a  slight, 
almost  imperceptible  turn  toward  the  bailiffs]  I  happen 

[112] 


"  /  happen  to  have  a  very  pressing  engagement 
with — with  His  Majesty." 


3p 

OF  THE 

f    UNIVERSITY    ) 

OF 


BEAU  BRUMMEL 

to  have   a  very  pressing  engagement — with — with — His 

Majesty ! 

[BEAU  turns,  after  a  very  ceremonious  bow  to 
MARIANA  to  the  right,  and  moves  off.  The 
bailiffs  have  come  down  and  follow  him 
closely;  one  of  them  taps  him  on  the  shoulder. 
BEAU  stops  for  an  instant,  then  takes  out 
snuff-box,  and  takes  snuff  and  walks  slowly 
off  with  the  greatest  dignity.  MARIANA  hides 
her  face  on  REGINALD'S  shoulder  as  curtain 
comes  down.] 


THE  END  OF  THE  THIRD  ACT 


THE  FOURTH  ACT 


SCENE  ONE 


THE   FOURTH   ACT 

SCENE  ONE 

A  lodging  house  at  Calais — a  room  at  the  top  of  the  house. 
The  shabbiest  furniture — bare  floor — window  at  the 
back  with  rude  settle  in  it ;  the  tops  of  neighboring  houses 
can  be  seen  from  the  window.  A  large  fireplace  with 
small  fire  is  at  the  right,  with  a  door  below  leading  into 
another  room.  A  table  stands  in  the  middle  of  room 
with  a  chair  each  side.  Another  door  at  the  left  leads  into 
the  hall.  BEAU  is  discovered  sitting  in  front  of  fireplace 
with  his  back  to  the  audience.  He  is  dressed  in  a  yellow 
brocaded  dressing-gown,  apparently  the  same  one  worn 
in  Act  I,  but  with  its  glory  gone,  faded  and  worn, 
torn  in  places ;  he  wears  old  black  slippers,  with  white 
stockings  and  brown  trousers,  "slit  so  at  the  bottom 
and  then  buttoned  tight."  His  hair  is  a  little  gray,  his 
face  thin  and  worn.  At  rise  of  curtain  MORTIMER 
enters  from  hallway.  He,  too,  shows  the  wear  and  tear  of 
poverty.  All  his  jauntiness  has  gone;  he  is  shabbily 
dressed.  After  waiting  a  minute  to  see  if  BEAU  will 
notice  him  he  speaks : 

MORTIMER 

Not  a  letter,  sir.    No  answer  to  those  we  sent  over  a 
month  ago.     Only  one  to  me  from  Kathleen,  to  say  if  I 


BEAU  BRUMMEL 

don't  return  immediately  she  will  take  to  Mr.  Sheridan's 
gentleman  for  good,  and  enclosing  me  the  passage  money 
over.  [BEAU  turns  a  little  and  looks  at  him  as  though  to 
see  if  he  is  going.}  I — I — gave  it  to  the  bootmaker,  whom 
I  met  at  the  foot  of  the  stairs  with  a  bailiff  as  I  came  in. 

[BEAU  sinks  back  in  his  chair  again,  satisfied 
that  MORTIMER  will  not  leave  him.} 

BEAU. 

If  you  would  not  use  it  for  yourself,  Mortimer,  you  might 
at  least  have  bought  a  pate  for  dinner  instead ;  we  should 
have  had  something  to  eat,  and  we  could  have  made  the 
bailiff  stop  and  dine  with  us.  Could  you  make  no  further 
loans  ?  [His  voice  is  harsh  and  strained.] 

MORTIMER. 

No  more,  sir.  I  tried  everywhere.  No  one  will  trust  us 
any  more. 

BEAU. 

Mortimer,  what  will  become  of  us?  Think  what  the 
finest  gentleman  of  his  time  is  undergoing.  It's  enough 
to  drive  one  mad. 

MORTIMER. 
Have  you  nothing  more  to  sell,  sir  ? 

[BEAU  rises  and  comes  to  the  table.  He  has 
a  snuff-box  in  his  hand',  a  small  black  one, 
in  great  contrast  to  the  jewelled  box  he  carried 
in  the  earlier  scenes.] 

BEAU. 

My  last  snuff-box.  You  would  not  have  me  dispose  of 
that,  Mortimer,  a  paltry  trifle  that  would  bring  nothing. 
No,  there  is  nothing,  Mortimer.  Everything  belongs  to 
that  wretched  female  creature  who  dignifies  this  hovel 
with  the  name  of  lodgings. 

[Loud  knocking  is  heard  at  the  door,  which  is 
thrown  violently  open,  and  the  landlady 

[us] 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

stalks  in.  She  is  a  very  determined-looking  woman,  short 
and  stout,  with  a  red  /ace  and  a  pronounced 
mustache.  She  is  dressed  in  a  rather  short 
blue  skirt,  heavy  shoes,  blue  denim  apron, 
black  blouse  with  white  neckerchief,  a  white 
cap  with  broad  frill.  Stands  with  arms 
akimbo  looking  at  BEAU  disdainfully.] 

BEAU. 

Talking  of  angels!  Good  morning,  my  dear  madam. 
So  courteous  of  you  to  come.  It  is  not  my  reception  day, 
but  you  are  always  welcome.  Mortimer,  offer  this  good 
lady  a  chair. 

LANDLADY. 

[Speaks  with  French  accent.]  Chair,  humph!  Your 
Mortimer  had  better  offer  me  some  money,  some  rent 
money,  or  I'll  have  you  both  shown  to  the  door,  do  you 
hear?  [Rapping  on  table,  BEAU  starts  as  though  in 
distress  at  each  loud  rap.]  That's  what  I  come  to  say. 
[MORTIMER  now  offers  her  a  chair.]  No,  I  thank  you, 
I'll  stand !  It's  my  own  chair,  and  I  will  not  wear  it  out 
by  sitting  in  it. 

BEAU. 

Then  sit  in  it  yourself,  Mortimer ;  I  cannot  permit  you 
to  stand;  you  are  tired.  I'm  so  sorry,  my  dear  madam, 
that  I  have  nothing  to  offer  you ;  the  supplies  for  which 
Mortimer  went  out  a  short  time  ago  have  not  yet  arrived. 

LANDLADY. 

[Sneeringly.]  Supplies!  Not  yet  arrived!  Weil,  when 
they  do  they  will  not  pass  my  door,  I'll  tell  you  that. 

[Hammers  on  table  again.] 

BEAU. 

[Wincing.]  Do,  my  dear  madam,  do  help  yourself. 
And  speaking  of  helping  yourself  reminds  me,  would  you 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

mind  returning  some  of  my  shirts  ?    I  am  sure  you  can 
not  wear  them  yourself.    Mortimer ! 

MORTIMER. 
Yes  sir. 

BEAU. 
How  many  were  there  in  the  wash  last  week  ? 

MORTIMER. 
Twelve,  sir. 

BEAU. 

Yes— now  if  you  wouldn't  mind  returning Morti 
mer! 

M  O  RT I  ME  R . 

Yes,  sir. 

BEAU. 
How  many  shall  I  require  for  the  remainder  of  the  week  ? 

MORTIMER. 

Five,  sir. 

BEAU. 

Yes,  if  you  would  not  mind  returning  five,  I  think  I 
might  manage  for  the  remainder  of  the  week. 

LANDLADY. 

[Who  has  been  restraining  her  wrath  with  difficulty.}    I'll 
do  nothing  of  the  sort,  sir,  and  I'm  sick  of  your  fine  man 
ners.     I  want  more  of  the  money,  and  less  of  the  politeness. 
[With  an  exaggerated  bow,  mocking  BEAU.] 

BEAU. 

[Taking  snuff.]  You  mean,  my  dear  madam,  you  want 
more  of  the  politeness  and  less  of  the  money. 

LANDLADY. 

[Furiously.]    What!    You  dare  insult  me?    Pay  me 
to-day,  or  out  into  the  street  you  go.     Your  polite  talk  may 

[120] 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

do  good  there.     It  may  do  for  the  stones,  but  it  will  not 

do  for  the  flesh,  not  for  this  flesh.  Pauper!   Pauper!  Bah! 

[Shouts  the  last  three  words  and  as  she  gets  to 

the  door  on  "Bah,"  bangs  door  and  goes  out. 

At   the   word   "Pauper"   BEAU    stands  as 

though  turned  to  stone.] 

BEAU. 
[Very  slowly.]   Mortimer. 

MORTIMER. 
Yes,  sir. 

BEAU. 
What  did  she  call  me  ? 

MORTIMER. 
[Half  sobbingly.]    Pauper,  sir. 

BEAU. 
[Sinking  into  chair  by  right  of  table.]  Pauper ! 

MORTIMER. 
I  am  afraid,  sir,  she's  in  earnest. 

BEAU. 

[Quite  simply.]  She  had  that  appearance.  Mortimer, 
we  must  find  the  money  somehow,  or  I  must  leave  Calais 
to-night. 

MORTIMER. 

[Hesitatingly.]  That  packet  of  letters,  sir,  for  which  you 
have  had  so  many  offers  from  publishers. 

BEAU. 

What  packet,  Mortimer? 

MORTIMER. 

Your  private  letters  of  gossip  and  scandal  from  people 
of  the  Court.  I  know  you  have  been  averse,  sir—  -  [His 
voice  dies  away,  as  BEAU,  drawing  himself  up,  gives  him  a 
withering  glance.] 

[121] 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

BEAU. 

Mortimer,  you  surprise  me.  I  thought  you  knew  me 
better.  No.  I  would  rather  suffer  anything  than  live  by 
sacrificing  the  reputation  of  those  who  once  befriended  me. 
[Opens  drawer  in  table  and  takes  out  packet  of  letters  tied 
with  a  jaded  ribbon.  Fondles  them  for  an  instant,  then  goes 
to  fireplace,  kneels  and  throws  them  into  the  flames.]  There 
they  go,  Mortimer.  There  they  go — and  almost  any  one 
of  them  might  break  a  heart  or  blast  a  reputation,  and  see 
how  swiftly  they  vanish,  as  swiftly  as  would  the  reputations 
which  they  are  destroyed  to  save. 

MORTIMER. 

I  was  wondering,  sir,  if  it  would  do  to  appeal  to  His 
Majesty.  He  might  overlook  what  happened  when  he 
was  Prince.  He  passes  through  Calais  to-day,  sir. 

BEAU. 

[Rising  and  coming  to  table.]  I  have  thought  of  it, 
Mortimer,  but  I  fear  it  would  be  in  vain — well,  we  might 
try.  Go  to  him,  Mortimer,  go  to  him,  and  take  him  [pauses 
to  think  what  MORTIMER  can  take,  and  feels  snuff-box  in 
pocket,  takes  it  out  and  handles  it  lovingly'] — take  him  this 
snuff-box.  [Gives  MORTIMER  the  box.  Hardly  has  it  left 
his  hands,  however,  when  he  reaches  out  for  it  again.]  That 
is,  you  might  take  him  the  box,  but,  perhaps,  you'd  better 
not  take  him  the  snuff.  [MORTIMER  gives  BEAU  the  box, 
BEAU  picks  up  a  paper  lying  on  the  table,  saying:]  Bills, 
bills.  [Makes  the  paper  into  a  cornucopia,  empties  the  snuff 
from  the  box  into  it,  then  taps  box  on  the  table,  loosens  any 
remaining  particles  of  snuff  with  his  finger,  then  looks  at 
table  and  scrapes  any  snuff  remaining  there  into  the  cornu 
copia,  then  hands  box  to  MORTIMER.]  Give  it  to  him  with 
your  own  hands,  say  Mr.  Brummel  presents  his  compli 
ments.  And  if  that  fails,  like  everything  else — why  then • 

MORTIMER. 
And  what  then,  sir? 

[132] 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

BEAU. 

Then,  [taking  snuff  elegantly  jrom  cornucopia]  then, 
Mortimer,  I  can  starve.  And  I  promise  you  I  shall  do  it 
in  the  most  elegant  manner.  And  you — you,  Mortimer, 
must  return  to  that  Japanese  girl;  what's  her  name? 

MORTIMER. 
[Tearfully.]  Kathleen,  sir. 

BEAU. 
Yes.     Kathleen. 

[Knock  at  door.  MORTIMER  opens  it.  Starts  back 
astounded.] 

MORTIMER. 
Mr.  Vincent,  sir. 

[VINCENT  enters  puffing  from  the  climb  upstairs.] 

BEAU. 

[Is  astonished  and  annoyed,  puts  the  cornucopia  oj  snuff 
hastily  into  his  pocket,  draws  his  dressing  gown  around 
him].  Mr.  Vincent!  My  dear  sir!  Why,  how  did  you 
find  your  way  here?  You  should  have  been  shown  into 
the  reception  room,  or  my  drawing-room,  or  my  library; 
you  find  me  in  my  morning  gown,  in  my  morning  room. 
I  make  a  thousand  apologies. 

VINCENT. 

Don't,  don't;  I  was  passing  through  Calais  and  I  just 
happened  in.  Phew,  you're  pretty  high  up  here. 

BEAU. 

Yes ;  the  air  is  so  very  much  purer.  Will  you  be  seated 
Mr.  -  It  is  still  Mr.  Vincent,  is  it  not?  [To  himself.] 
He  must  not  know  my  want,  my  poverty;  I  could  not 
suffer  this  man's  pity  or  compassion. 

VINCENT. 

[Sits  at  left  of  table.]  Before  I  forget  it,  let  me  ask  you 
to  do  me  the  honor  of  dining  with  me  to-day. 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

BEAU. 

[With  an  involuntary  drawing  in  of  the  breath.]  Dine! 
At  what  hour? 

VINCENT. 
I  always  dine  at  five  o'clock. 

BEAU. 

Thank  you;  but  I  fear  you  will  have  to  excuse  me.  I 
could  not  possibly  dine  at  such  an  hour. 

[Turns  from  table  and  goes  up  toward  window.] 

VINCENT. 

[Aside.]  Not  changed  much  in  spirit,  but  in  everything 
else—  [Aloud.]  Well,  Mr.  Brummel,  you  must  lead  a 
dull  life  of  it  here  in  Calais. 

BEAU. 

[Still  at  window  and  jauntily.]  You  forget,  Mr.  Vincent, 
that  by  living  in  Calais  I  do  what  all  the  young  bucks  do — 
I  pass  all  my  time  between  London  and  Paris. 

VINCENT . 

Witty  as  ever,  Mr.  Brummel.  The  sea  air  does  not 
dampen  your  spirits. 

BEAU. 

No;  and  I  use  none  other.  That  is  the  reason  I  have 
nothing  to  offer  you.  Had  I  known  of  your  coming  I 
should  have  been  better  prepared  to  receive  you. 

[Comes  down  and  sits  at  right  of  table.] 

VINCENT. 

[Looking  around  the  room.]  You  must  be  hard  pressed 
for  money,  if  you  don't  mind  my  saying  so. 

BEAU. 

[Very  hastily  and  airily,  and  rising.]  Oh,  no!  You 
have  quite  a  mistaken  notion  of  my  affairs,  because  you 
miss  certain  useless  articles  given  away  as  pledges 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

[Swallows  a  word]  ahem — of  gratitude  for  favors  shown 
me.  I  always  pay  a  debt,  Mr.  Vincent,  when  it's  a  social 
one. 

VINCENT. 

But  those  other  debts  which  rumor  says  are  over 
whelming  you  again.  Now  if  you'd  let  me  pay  them 

BEAU. 

[Sits  at  right  of  table.  In  a  very  cold  tone.}  Thank  you, 
thank  you.  No  doubt  you  intend  to  be  kind,  but  you  are 
impertinent.  [VINCENT  turns  away  rebuffed  and  disap 
pointed.  BEAU  to  himself:}  No,  I  will  not  be  so  humiliated 
by  her  father.  I  would  rather  tell  a  little  lie  instead.  [  To 
VINCENT.]  I  assure  you,  since  the  renewal  of  my  friend 
ship  with  the  Prince,  now  His  Majesty!— 

[Makes  a  slight  bow  at  "  His  Majesty  "} 

VINCENT. 
[Coming  down,  delighted.]  Friendship  with  His  Majesty ! 

BEAU. 

What !  Has  not  rumor  told  you  that,  too  ?  She's  a  sorry 
jade,  and  sees  only  the  gloomy  side  of  things.  Then,  I 
suppose  you  have  not  heard  that  the  King  has  pensioned 
me !  [Takes  handkerchief  from  pocket;  it  is  full  of  holes.} 

VINCENT. 

But 

BEAU. 

I  see  you  still  have  that  very  unfortunate  habit  of  "but 
ting."  Why  how,  how,  without  a  pension  could  I  keep  up 
this  establishment  ?  [Holding  up  the  tattered  handkerchief 
in  his  trembling  hand,  he  says,  aside:]  If  he  can  tell  me 
that  he  will  help  me  more  than  he  knows. 

VINCENT. 

All  the  more  reason,  then,  why  you  should  return  to 
London  and  marry  my  daughter. 


BEAU  BRUMMEL 

BEAU. 

Are  you  still  obstinate  on  that  point  ?  Do  you  still 
refuse  her  to  Reginald  ?  [Knock  is  heard  at  door.] 

VINCENT. 
There  is  Mariana.   I  told  her  to  join  me  here. 

BEAU. 

[Rises  in  consternation,  draws  his  dressing  gown  around 
him,  looks  down  at  it.]  Mariana — Miss  Vincent,  coming 
here.  Mr.  Vincent,  one  moment,  one  moment,  Mr. 
Vincent,  one  moment. 

[Goes  hastily  to  door  at  right,  bows  to  VINCENT 
and  exits.  MARIANA  enters  from  hall  door 
at  left.] 

MARIANA. 
Is  he  here  ?   Have  you  succeeded  ? 

VINCENT. 

My  child,  we  have  heard  false  reports  in  town.  He  has 
a  pension  from  His  Majesty.  He  is  friends  with  the  King. 
Dear  me !  I  hope  I  haven't  offended  him. 

MARIANA. 

A  pension,  papa!  [And  then  as  she  looks  around  the 
dingy  room.]  Are  you  quite  sure  he's  not  deceiving  you? 

VINCENT. 
Quite  sure,  he  could  not  deceive  me. 

MARIANA. 

Then,  father,  there  is  no  further  need  for  me  to  make 
the  sacrifice  you  demanded,  and  which  Mr.  Brummcl's 
need  did  justify. 

VINCENT. 
By  no  means.   I  am  all  the  more  determined  on  it. 

MARIANA. 
I  also  am  determined  now,  and  say  I  will  not  marry  him. 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

VINCENT. 

Tut,  tut !  Hush,  he's  coming — he's  somewhat  changed. 

[BEAU  enters.      He  has  put  on  his  coat — a 

shabby,  full-skirled  brown  coat.    Has  dingy 

black   neckerchief  on.      Bows  very   low  to 

MARIANA.] 

BEAU. 

Good  morning,  my  dear  Miss  Vincent.  I  trust  the  stairs 
have  not  fatigued  you ;  you  should  feel  at  home,  so  high 
up  among  the  angels. 

MARIANA. 

[Shows  she  is  much  affected  by  BEAU'S  changed  ap 
pearance.}  I  am  most  pleased,  sir,  that  we  find  you  happy 
with  the  world  and  with  yourself.  We  had  feared  other 
wise. 

BEAU. 

I  lead  a  charmed  life ;  even  now,  you  see,  it  brings  you 
to  me. 

MARIANA. 
And  has  it  brought  your  nephew,  too,  sir  ? 

BEAU. 


BEA 

That  may  be  your  privilege. 

T*    IT 


MARIANA. 
I  trust  it  may  be,  or  else  that  you  will  bring  him  back 
to  me. 

[As  she  says  this  she  turns  away  and  goes  up 
toward  the  window  with  VINCENT,  who 
shows  he  is  not  pleased  at  this  speech.  At 
this  moment  REGINALD  rushes  in,  throwing 
hat  on  table  as  he  goes  by,  and  rushing  up 
to  BEAU,  holds  out  his  hand  eagerly.] 

REGINALD. 
Uncle! 

[127] 


BEAU  BRUMMEL 

BEAU. 

[With  great  affection.]  Reginald!  [Then  recollecting 
himself.]  No,  Reginald,  a  glance  of  the  eye.  Reginald, 
my  boy,  you  here,  too ! 

REGINALD. 
I  heard  yesterday  of  your  distresses 

BEAU. 

[Hastily  interrupting  him.]  Do  you  not  see  Miss  Vincent 
and  her  father?  [REGINALD  turns ,  sees  MARIANA  and 
crosses  to  window  to  her,  where  they  stand  eagerly  talking. 
VINCENT  goes  toward  hall  door,  evidently  very  anxious  to 
get  MARIANA  away.]  I  might  have  accepted  it  from  him, 
but  he  has  come  too  late.  This  Vincent  shall  not  know 
the  truth.  But  Reginald  shall  have  Mariana  and  Vincent 
shall  give  her  to  him. 

VINCENT. 

I  think,  my  dear,  you  had  better  go  and  wait  down 
stairs  for  me. 

BEAU. 

No,  no,  let  Miss  Vincent  remain ;  my  nephew  will  enter 
tain  her,  [REGINALD  and  MARIANA  at  this  begin  talking 
more  confidentially]  and  I  wish  to  consult  you  privately 
in  my  room  for  a  few  moments. 

VINCENT. 

Now,  my  dear  Mr.  Brummel,  I  must  insist  on  Mariana's 
retiring. 

BEAU. 

And  I  must  insist  that  Miss  Vincent  remain.  I  see 
your  manners  have  not  improved.  I  will  not  detain  you  a 
moment.  I  wish  to  ask  your  advice.  I  hear  an  earldom  is 
soon  likely  to  become  vacant.  Now,  who's  eligible  ? 

VINCENT. 
An  earldom ! 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

BEAU. 

You  know  more  about  matters  in  town  than  I,  and  I 
wish  to  be  prepared  in  case  my  influence  should  be  needed. 
Now  what  name  would  you  suggest  ? 

VINCENT. 
[Gasping.]   You  honor  me,  Mr.  Brummel. 

BEAU. 

Very  likely,  but  I  wish  you  wouldn't  gasp  so.  Indeed, 
I  do  honor  you  in  asking  you  for  your  daughter's  hand— 

[REGINALD    and    MARIANA    start    and    look 
around.] 

VINCENT. 
[Bows  very  low.]  Mr.  Brummel ! 

BEAU. 

For  my  nephew ! 

[REGINALD  and  MARIANA  turn  again  toward 
window  relieved.] 

VINCENT. 

My  dear  Mr.  Brummel,  you  know  I  am  opposed  to  that, 
and  I  hope  to  persuade  you— 

BEAU. 

[Significantly.]  Who  is  eligible  for  the  earldom — 
exactly — and  I  think — mind,  I  say,  I  think — we  both  have 
the  same  person  in  mind.  But,  first,  I  must  persuade  you 
who  is  eligible  for  your  daughter. 

[He  bows  to  VINCENT  and  motions  him  to  door 
at  right.] 

VINCENT. 

[Speaking  as  he  goes.]  Gad !  Zounds !  An  earldom !  If 
this  should  be  my  opportunity  at  last.  Mariana  shall 
marry  the  boy  if  he  wants  it.  [Exits.] 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

BEAU. 

[Turns  to  speak  to  MARIANA  and  REGINALD  and  finds 
them  so  absorbed  in  each  other  they  do  not  even  see  him.  He 
attracts  their  attention  by  knocking  a  chair  on  the  floor. 
They  start  guiltily  apart.]  My  dears,  I  am  about  to  draw 
up  the  marriage  settlement,  and,  perhaps,  I'll  make  my 
will  at  the  same  time  and  leave  you  everything.  [They 
both  bow.}  I  will  now  allow  you  to  settle  the  preliminaries 
by  yourselves. 

[They  immediately  retire  again  to  the  window 
and  are  once  more  absorbed  in  each  other. 
BEAU  stands  watching  them  for  a  jew 
minutes,  then  turns  away,  puts  hand  over  his 
eyes  and  totters  off.] 

MARIANA. 

[Coming  down  lejt  oj  table.]  But  I  don't  understand,  do 
you? 

REGINALD. 

[Coming  down  to  her  side.]  I  don't  desire  to.  I  take  the 
fact  as  it  is.  [Kisses  her.} 

MARIANA. 

I  think  you  take  much  else  besides,  sir.  Aren't  you  a 
trifle  precipitate? 

REGINALD. 

No,  this  is  the  first  preliminary.  [Puts  arm  around  her 
waist.}  I  think  I  shall  linger  over  the  preliminaries. 

MARIANA. 
But  has  my  father  relented  ? 

REGINALD. 
Surely !  Or  why  did  you  come  here  ? 

MARIANA. 

We  heard  Mr.  Brummel  was  in  great  distress  and 
we  came  to  help  him,  but  we  found  the  rumors  were  false; 
his  friendship  with  the  King  has  been  renewed. 


"  II V  found  the  rumors  were  false;  his  friendship  with 
the  King  has  been  renewed." 


BEAU    BRUMMEL 

REGINALD. 
Thank  Heaven !    Then  his  troubles  are  at  an  end. 

MARIANA. 

My  father  still  clung  to  the  idea  of  our  marriage. 
REGINALD. 

And  you? 

MARIANA. 

That  question  is  superfluous,  sir.    Have  I  not  allowed 
the  first  preliminaries  to  be  settled. 

[BEAU  and  VINCENT  enter— VINCENT  a  little 
ahead  of  BEAU.  Also  MORTIMER  comes  on 
dejectedly  from  hall  door.] 

BEAU. 

Reginald,  give  me  your  hand.  [REGINALD  crosses  to  him.] 

VINCENT. 

[Who  has  crossed  over  to  left  of  table.]  Mariana,  come  to 
your  father.    Are  you  still  bent  on  marrying  him? 

MARIANA. 

You  mean,  papa,  that  he  is  still  bent  on  marrying  me, 
and  that  I — I  am  not  unwilling. 

VINCENT. 
She  is  yours,  sir. 

REGINALD. 
[Coming  back  to  MARIANA.]    Mine! 

M  o  RT i ME  R . 

[Goes  up  to  BEAU  at  right  of  table  and  hands  him  snuff 
box.]  It  was  returned  without  a  word,  sir 

BEAU. 
[In  a  loud  tone.]  Beg  Her  Grace  to  excuse  me  this  after- 

noon'  MORTIMER. 

Yes,  sir.  REGINALD. 

You  will  dine  with  us,  Uncle  Beau,  on  board  the  vessel  ? 


BEAU  BRUMMEL 

BEAU. 

Thank  you,  but  I  fear  you  will  have  to  excuse  me,  and 
now  pardon  me  if  I  ask  you  to  retire.  I  happen  to  have  a 
very  pressing  engagement. 

MARIANA. 
When  will  you  be  in  London,  sir.  You  will  be  there  for 

our  wedding? 

BEAU. 

I  hope  so — and  you  must  accept  some  little  present, 
some  little  trifle,  some  little  token  of  my  affection  and 
regard — some — some — remembrance.  Now  what  shall  it 
be  ?  Eh  ?  What  shall  we  say  ?  [They  all  look  around  the 
room,  which  is,  of  course,  bare  of  all  ornament.]  What  do 
you  really  think  you  would  like  best — hum?  [Absently 
fingers  the  snufj-box  which  MORTIMER  brought  him.]  Ah, 
yes,  this  snuff-box — it  has  just  been  sent  to  me  by — His 

J  "'  [Hands  MARIANA  snuff-box,  which  she  takes 
with  deep  curtsy  and  goes  back  to  REGINALD, 
showing  it  to  him.] 

VINCENT. 
[At  door  as  he  goes  out.]  I  shall  probably  hear  from  you, 

Mr.  Brummel? 

BEAU. 

[Absently.]  Ah,  yes,  perhaps — good -by.  Reginald, 
[REGINALD  comes  to  him,  BEAU  places  his  hand  on  REGI 
NALD'S  shoulder]  God  bless  you— 

[REGINALD  picks  up  hat  from  table  and  crosses 
to  door.  MARIANA  comes  down,  gives  hand 
to  BEAU,  curtsies,  BEAU  raises  hand  to  his 
lips.  MARIANA  draws  it  away,  backs  toward 
door,  makes  another  curtsy,  turns  to  REGI 
NALD  and  they  go  off  gaily,  apparently  talking 
to  each  other.  BEAU  puts  hand  over  eyes,  stag 
gers  back  and  leans  against  table  for  support.] 

CURTAIN  FALLS  ON  THIS. 

[132] 


THE  FOURTH  ACT 

SCENE  TWO 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

THE   FOURTH   ACT 

SCENE  TWO 

An  attic  room.    Sloping  roof.     Walls  discolored  with  the 
damp.  Paper  peeling  off.  Window  at  the  back.  A  bare 
deal  table  over  near  the  left  with  one  chair  at  its  side. 
Another  chair  stands  down  near  the  front  at  the  right- 
hand  side.   Another  chair  stands  at  the  back  near  win 
dow.    There  is  a  door  at  the  right  and  also  at  the  left. 
[BEAU  enters  at  the  right  hand  door.    You  can 
hear    him   for   some    time    before  he  enters 
stumbling    up    the  stairs  as    though  feeble. 
He  stands  for  a  moment  at  the  door,  bowing 
very  low.   He  is  very  shabbily  dressed — his 
hat  battered — his  boots  gray.] 

BEAU. 

I  thought  I  saw  the  Prince  there,  [pointing  to  chair] 
there!  The  boys  mocked  me  in  the  streets — they  threw 
stones  at  me.  No  wonder ;  there  has  been  no  varnish  on  my 
boots  for  days.  They  refused  to  give  me  a  cup  of  coffee 
or  a  macaroon.  They  would  rather  see  me  starve — and 
starve  so  in  rags.  [Sits  in  chair.] 

MORTIMER. 
[Enters  from  door  at  left.]   Shall  I  announce  dinner,  sir? 

BEAU. 

[Starting.]  No,  Mortimer,  I  have  only  just  come  in,  and 
you  forget  this  is  Thursday,  when  I  always  entertain. 

[Sinks  into  a  reverie.] 
MORTIMER. 

Poor  Mr.  Brummel!  He's  getting  worse  and  worse. 
Lack  of  food  is  turning  his  head  instead  of  his  stomach. 
But  I  don't  dare  oppose  him  when  he's  this  way. 

BEAU. 
Mortimer ! 

[135] 


BEAU  BRUMMEL 

MORTIMER. 
Yes,  sir. 

BEAU. 

I  could  get  nothing  for  us  to  eat,  Mortimer,  nothing — 
and  they  refused  to  wash  my  cravats ! 

MORTIMER. 

Oh,  Mr.  Brummel,  sir,  what  shall  we  do  ?  We  will 
starve,  sir. 

BEAU. 

[Severely.]  Mortimer,  you  forget  yourself!  Who  has 
called  during  my  absence? 

MORTIMER. 

[Goes  up  to  the  window  ledge  and  brings  down  an  old 
broken  plate  with  a  jew  dirty  cards.}  These  cards  won't 
last  much  longer.  I  have  been  bringing  him  the  same  ones 
on  Thursday  for  the  last  year.  [BEAU  has  fallen  asleep.] 
Mr.  Brummel,  sir!  Mr.  Brummel,  sir! 

[He  puts  plate  directly  in  front  of  BEAU.] 

BEAU. 
[BEAU  starts — looks  at  plate.]  The— the — card  tray. 

MORTIMER. 
We've — lent  it,  sir! 

[He  pushes  cards  forward  with  his  thumb  and 
finger  as  BEAU  takes  them  one  by  one  and 
lays  them  back  on  plate.  ] 

BEAU. 

Duchess  of  Leamington — thank  goodness,  I  was  out. 
Lord  Manly — do  we  owe  him  anything  ? 

MORTIMER. 

No,  sir. 

BEAU. 

Why  not?  Mrs.  St.  Aubyn — and  I  missed  her — no 
matter.  They  will  all  dine  here  this  evening. 

[136] 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

MORTIMER. 

[Taking  plate  back  to  ledge.]  Dine— that's  the  way  we 
eat— the  names  of  things— but  it  is  very  weakening— very 
weakening. 

BEAU. 

Mortimer ! 

MORTIMER. 

Yes,  sir. 

BEAU. 

Light  the  candelabra.  [Begins  to  sing  very  low  in  a 
quavering  voice:}  "She  Wore  a  Wreath  of  Roses." 

MORTIMER. 

Yes,  sir.  [He  goes  to  window  ledge  and  brings  down  to 
table  two  pewter  candlesticks  with  a  little  piece  of  a  candle 
in  each  one.  He  lights  both  and  then  with  a  quick  look  at 
BEAU  blows  out  one.}  He'll  never  know,  and  if  it  burns 
there  will  be  none  to  light  the  next  time. 

BEAU. 
Mortimer  i 

M  ORT  I  MER. 

Yes,  sir. 

B  EAU. 

Is  my  hat  on? 

MORTIMER. 
[Choking  back  a  sob}  Yes,  sir. 

BEAU. 

[Lifts  hat  with  elegant  gesture,  his  hand  drops  and  hat 
falls  to  the  floor,  rises.]  Mortimer,  I  hear  carriage  wheels- 
carriage  wheels!  Observe  me,  Mortimer,  am  I  quite 
correct  ?  Are  there  creases  in  my  cravat !  I  would  not 
wish  to  make  creases  the  fashion. 

MORTIMER. 
Mr.  Brummel,  sir,  you  are  quite  correct. 

[137] 


BEAU  BRUMMEL 

BEAU. 

To  your  post.  Bid  the  musicians  play.   [Bows  as  though 
welcoming  guest.}  Ah,  Duchess,  you  are  always  welcome! 
And  in  pink !  You  come  like  the  rosy  morning  sunshine  into 
the  darkness  of  my  poor  lodgings.  Lord  Manly !  And  sober 
-truth  is  stranger  than  fiction.  The  Duchess's  smiles  should 
have  intoxicated  you.     Mrs.  St.  Aubyn— Your  Majesty! 
[Bows  very  low.]    Pray,  sir,  honor  my  poor  arm.    Permit 
me  to  conduct  Your  Majesty  to  a  chair  whilst  I  receive  my 
less  distinguished  guests.    [Walks  to  chair  with  imaginary 
guest  on  his  arm.}  My  dear  Lady  Farthingale,  how  do  you 
do  ?  As  beautiful  and  as  charming  as  ever.  [Backs  up  a  little 
and  kicks  a  chair  over}   I  beg  ten  thousand  pardons !  My 
dear  Lady  Cecilie,  how  you  have  grown  and  how  beautiful 
[With  vacant  stare}  Shall  we  dine?  Dine!  Shall  we  dine? 
Permit  me  to  escort  Your  Majesty  to  the  table  where  we 
dine !   [Goes  to  chair  and  escorts  the  imaginary  king  to  the 
table}    Yours  ^  is  the  honor  and  mine,  Lady  Cecilie,  my 
charming  vis-a-vis.    Mariana— Mariana— always  nearest 
my  heart— always.    Mortimer— Mortimer ! 

MORTIMER. 

[Who  has  been  leaning  against  the  wall  with  head  on 
arm.]  Yes,  sir. 

BEAU 

His  Majesty  waits !  [Bows  to  right  and  left.]  Enchanted ! 
Enchanted !  [Waits  until,  apparently,  they  are  all  seated 
and  then  sits}  I  trust  you  will  find  these  oysters  agreeable ; 
they  arrived  but  this  morning  from  Ostend.  Bird's-nest 
soup.  It  is  very  hot.  I  am  very  particular  to  have  the 
soup  hot  on  these  cold  evenings.  This  is  very  good  melon. 

MORTIMER. 
[Who  has  been  pretending  to  pass  things}  Melon,  sir. 

BEAU. 
Duchess,  I  trust  you  are  fond  of  ortolans  stuffed  with 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

truffles.     Brown— and  glazed.    My  chef— my  chef- 
[Voice  dies  away.] 

MORTIMER. 

His  chef!    If  only  we  had  something  to  cook,  I  should 
not  mind  the  chef.  [Sinks  in  chair.] 

BEAU. 

Mariana,  let  me  fill  your  glass  and  drink  with  me.   My 
dear.    My  own  always.    My  only  dear  one. 

[Head  sinks  on  chest,  he  jails  asleep.] 

KATHLEEN. 
[After  a  pause  KATHLEEN  puts  her  head  in  the 

door  and  says  very  softly:] 
And  may  I  come  in  ? 

MORTIMER. 
[Rising  in  bewilderment.}  Kathleen!  And  has  it  gone  to 

my  head,  too? 

KATHLEEN. 

[Half  crying.]   No,  but  to  my  heart!— or  to  yours— for 
they've  gotten  that  mixed  I  don't  know  which  is  which. 

[They  embrace.} 

MORTIMER. 
[In  alarm,  jearing  BEAU  may  wake.]  Hush! 

KATHLEEN. 

Miss  Mariana  that  was,  Mrs.  Reginald  Courtenay  that 
is,  is  out  in  the  hall  and  him  with  her. 

[MARIANA  and  REGINALD  come  ^n  at  door.\ 

MARIANA. 

[Gives  a  low,  horrified  exclamation  at  BEAU'S 
changed  appearance.] 

MORTIMER. 

Yes,  madam,  but  I  fear  the  sudden  surprise  of  seeing 
you  will  kill  him. 

[139! 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

REGINALD. 

But  the  King  is  in  town  with  his  suite.    We  came  with 
him,  and  they  followed  us  here  immediately. 

MORTIMER. 
The  King! 

MARIANA. 

Yes,  Mortimer;  your  master's  and  your  troubles  are 
over. 

[MARIANA  and  REGINALD  cross  to  other  side  of 
table,  away  from  door.] 

KATHLEEN. 

[Aside  to  MORTIMER,  as  she  goes  up  to  window.]   I  am 
not  so  sure  but  yours  are  just  beginning. 

KING. 

[Appearing  at  door.]  Zounds — is  this 

MORTIMER. 
[Bowing  very  low.]    Your  Majesty,  I  beg  your  pardon, 

but — sh — sh 

MRS.    ST.    AUBYN. 
[At  door.]  Dear  me,  you  don't 

KING. 
[Turning  to  her.]  Sh — sh 

DUCHESS. 

But  how 

KING. 
[KING  goes  through  same  pantomime,  turning, 

putting  finger  on  lip  and  saying :] 
Sh! 

LADY   FARTHINGALE. 
Where  is  Mr.  Brummel? 

KING. 

[As  before.]  Sh!  Sh! 

[140] 


Your  master's  and  your  troubles  are  over.' 


BEAU   BRUMMEL 

LORD  MANLY. 

Well 

KING. 

[As  before.]  Sh!  Sh! 

MORTIMER. 

If  Your  Majesty  will  pardon  me,  I  think  I  could  suggest 
something.    Mr.  Brummel  has  just  been  imagining  you 
were  all  dining  with  him.     I  think  if  you  were  to  take 
your  places  at  the  table,  when  he  saw  you  the  truth  woi 
gradually  come  to  him. 

[They  all  sit.    KING  at  left,  MRS.  ST.  AUBYN 
"   next,  then  the  DUCHESS.      MARIANA  and 
REGINALD  are  at  the  right.} 

MORTIMER. 
Mr.  Brummel!   [Louder,  as  BEAU  does  not  move.]   Mr. 

Brummel,  sir! 

BEAU. 

Duchess,  let  me  send  you  this  saddle  of  venison ;  it's 
delicious.  [Wakes,looks around, sees  MARIANA.]  Mariana! 
Mariana!  Reginald!  [They  come  to  his  side.]  Pardon  me- 
for  not  rising;  I  think  I  must  have  forgotten  my  manners. 
You  won't  leave  me    Mariana?     You  won't  leave    ae, 

will  you,  will  you? 

MARIANA. 

No,  Mr.  Brummel. 

BEAU. 
[Sees  MRS.  ST.  AUBYN.]     Mrs.  St.  Aubyn,  you-yoi 

forgive  ? 

MRS.    ST.    AUBYN. 

[Very  gently.]  And  forget,  Mr.  Brummel. 

BEAU. 
[Sees  the  KING.]  Your  Majesty!    Mortimer! 

MORTIMER. 
Yes,  sir. 

[HI] 


BEAU  BRUMMEL 

BEAU. 

Is  this  real— is  it— is  it  ? 

KING. 

Yes,  Beau,  you've  hidden  from  all  of  us  long  enough- 
but  now  we've  found  you  we  don't  mean  to  lose  you.  W< 
sup  with  you  to-night;  to-morrow  you  dine  in  Londoi 
with  us. 

BEAU. 

Dine !  [Drawing  in  his  breath  appreciatively.]  Dine 

[Then  remembering.]  At  what  hour  ? 

MORTIMER. 

[Bowing  and  whispering  to  the  KING.]  At  eight,  Youi 
Majesty,  at  eight ! 

KING. 
[With  a  nod  of  understanding.]  At  eight  o'clock. 

BEAU, 
Mortimer,  have  I  any  other  engagement? 

MORTIMER. 
[With  fear  and  trembling.]   No— oh,  no,  sir! 

BEAU. 
I  shall  have  much  pleasure.    Mortimer! 

MORTIMER. 
Yes,  sir. 

BEAU. 
Mortimer ! 

MORTIMER. 
Yes,  sir. 

BEAU. 

Should  anybody  call,  say  I  have  a  very  pressing  engage 
ment  with — with — His  Majesty. 

[His  head  jails,  he  sinks  into  chair,  supported 
by  MARIANA  and  REGINALD.    All  rise.] 

THE  END 

[142] 


UNIVERSITY  OF  CALIFORNIA  LIBRARY 


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